Diagnosed with HSV2 in January---in need of support

[Kygirl0914]

Hi, all...

 

First of all, I'd like to say I'm so glad I came across this site, it's been very helpful to me, not only the wonderful informative handouts that are available, but also reading the forums and the success stories of everyone. I was diagnosed in early January, with HSV2 at the age of 23...My ex did not disclose to me, so you can imagine the pain/anger I've been dealing with since finding out...Soon after finding out, we broke up...and I hadn't really given much thought to having Herpes, until recently, when I started talking to a wonderful man. I wasn't sure when or how to disclose to him, we met online, started texting everyday, facetime, etc. I decided a week before I planned to go down to his house for a weekend, to send him a long message (I didn't feel I could tell him in person) about what I have. At first, he was very supportive. Stating one of his closest friends had herpes, and that he knew her to have a very successful dating/healthy sex life, and that she has had 2 kids. He said it did scare him a little, and of course he did not want to get it, but that it wasn't going to keep him from wanting to be with me. You can imagine how much relief and joy this gave me.

 

I drove 2 hours to meet him, and spend the weekend with him. All started well, until it came time to head off to bed. Things got a little heated, we didn't have sex of course, but then he brought up the subject of my having herpes, and said he wanted to do some more research into it...I told him to go ahead, but I didn't know he meant right that very second....

 

Next thing I know, he's googling it on his phone, and I'm not sure exactly what he read/saw, but apparently it was something enough to terrify him. Things then proceeded to get a little awkward, as he began to tell me that he's terrified, and he doesn't think he can do it (be with me)....I was devastated. I hadn't truly had to deal with this until that moment, my first moment of rejection....and I'm just a little confused. He was so accepting of it at first, but now he's told me that he just can't. that it would be his luck that the small chance there is for him to get it, that he would, and then we would end up not working out and he would have to "bare that burden"...ouch. That hurt.

 

I am on suppressive therapy daily, and I know that decreases the chances of me giving it to a guy by a lot....I guess what I want to know is, when exactly should I disclose? how soon? Any advice would be greatly appreciated....I am feeling pretty alone/worthless as of right now. :(

[WCSDancer2010]

@Kygirl0914

 

First - Welcome and glad you found us..

 

So - you may want to read my Blog http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

Herpes will often tell you a LOT about a prospective partner. In your case, the guy ignored any thoughts of what H meant for him, until it was possibly going to affect him. Stuffing his head in the sand, as it were. Avoidance behavior ... NOT a healthy way to be in a relationship.

 

One thing I would say - I would have the handouts ready in future - suggest that they come on here, and tell them "For Gawd's sake DON'T go on Google Images or the Yahoo groups". Odds are he saw a photo of the worst ever OB on Google images and it scared him silly..... and you need to educate these guys about the statistics/ the fact that you are on supressive therapy, that he's likely been with (and will be in future if he isn't careful) women who lied to him about their status or didn't know they have it. That he could get it from someone with a cold sore...and that 80% of people with them don't know they carry the HSV1 virus. That life entails risk and that YOU, with your knowledge of the virus and anti-virals, are actually a pretty low risk by comparison to most hook-ups he's likely had. AND, that he won't be able to "see" if someone has an STD and that condoms only give a 50% risk reduction. AND, likely he hasn't been tested unless he specifically asked for it so he may already have it.

 

You may not need to tell them all that, but it's useful to know and to be able to educate when they come up with questions or incorrect "ideas" of what they have heard from friends.

 

(((HUGS))) my friend - just look at him as a learning experience. I'm putting a bunch of success story links below... they will give you an idea of what folks have done when they disclosed to their future partners :)

 

ttp://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2789/about-to-have-the-herpes-talk Empowered 74 (gay male)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout