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This will blow your mind

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I notice the boards are filled with teens and 20's here. I am 58 years old. I have been married, faithfully for 30 years. My husband and I haven't had sex in four years (therapists are involved). I have never had a blistery ,burning outbreak, ever, that would make me suspect herpes. I've had two kids (now in their 20's) and all my life have seen regular doctors, and OB/Gyns, had a zillion types of bloodwork run and never, ever heard that I had herpes. A month ago, I had major flu type symptoms for a week including painful urination that made a jolt of stunning pain and what felt like lighting bolts in my wrists and hands at the end of urinating. Then I got what I thought was a yeast infection. It cleared with the drug store vagisil treatments and right back twice. Then I got the fire ants in your underpants feeling and the painful blisters and went to my doctor who said it looked like herpes and confirmed that diagnosis with the swab test.


58 years old! My husband is getting tested and he swears he's been faithful, too, so the only explanation for this is that I contracted this from someone I was with before I was 27 and never knew it, and the virus has sat dormant in my body for 31 or more years until now.


I am stunned, angry, confused and panicked. I am also feeling like the medical world must be missing something huge in their research if this could happen. Everything I have read says you have your first outbreak which is usually severe, within weeks of contracting this virus. Again, it's been four years since I've had sex and prior to that, 26 years with the same man and no outbreaks. Either this virus is way more powerful than we think, or I'm like the Virgin Mary with and STD.

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Wow that's dazzling, how extraordinary. I'm 57, diagnosed when I was 39 but think I had my first episode when I was 31, having thought back. It's a strange thing. We know that many folk who have this virus don't know they have it, so I don't think it's so that everyone has an episode within x time of contracting the virus. Some people never have symptoms, so are much more likely to pass it on. If your husband is negative, then you are one of those. If he is positive, and you have both been faithful, you may never work out who had it first.


That aside, your reaction is normal for sure for a newly diagnosed person. There is something missing in the medical system, but I don't it's what you think. If you've never had symptoms, why would anyone test for it? the bit that's missing to me is that HSV testing isn't part of routine STD testing either here (Australia) or in US. That's just weird in my book, especially as the stigma seems to be stronger in the western world.


I'm glad you found this site, it's the best place to be to find you are not alone, it does get easier, and there is a lot of help. Who would have thought the Virgin Mary could have an STD? Love your humour, it will help you on this journey. Welcome.

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I'm 54 so I thought I would chime in. I got diagnosed with hsv2 in 1995. I got diagnosed with hsv1 in 1992. What fun. I hope you can figure out your mystery. I thought I got in from an ex-boyfriend in the 90's but looking back, I think I got it from my first boyfriend. There was an episode with some type of sores down there that were really bad. After that, I never knew I had it until I itched a sore down there in 1995. Now, suddenly, in the last few months, I've been having outbreaks left and right. It could be from stress. I lost my job in June. Just try to stay calm as you figure this out. I'm glad you found this website too. Adrial is a doll. Have you talked to him yet?

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Yes, that does blow my mind. It is super rare for it to lie dormant for that long with no signs or symptoms (based on what I've heard), AND mine was dormant for a good 4 years before I had my first outbreak, so it's more common than you think that it doesn't jump up to say hi right away.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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I think I contracted it about 9 years and I never got a firm diagnosis until last December. I had some discomfort a couple of times but nothing major. I was even tested once but it came back "inconclusive". For me, it made it's appearance during a particularly stressful time in my life. It's a sneaky virus who likes to play coy and shows up when we least expect (or want) it. Hang in there and try to stay calm. I find diet and stress both play a big part in how I feel and what the virus does. Peanuts are the worst offender for me. I got through peanut butter phases and the last time I did that, I realized I was "angering the beast". :) Once I stopped eating peanut butter, I felt a lot better.

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Hmm... I knew i had contracted HSV2 at age 30 (I'm 40 now) because the very first outbreak occurred just weeks after having sex with the "perp" (LoL). Before him, I was out of town for work and so busy I went sexless for three months. Interestingly enough, just last year I got my PCP to test me for EVERYTHING: the blood test for HSV came back showing I carry both strands 1 and 2... yet I have never in my life experienced an outbreak in the face/mouth area.


Sneaky little sucker!


The peanut thing is because HSV is triggered by an amino-acid called Arganine which is found in most foods (at higher quantities in nuts and chocolate), which is why natural remedies are so gung-ho about Lysine (to balance things out). BTW: arganine is not bad, it fuels the body, especially before exercise... yet in high doses, it can trigger HSV episodes.


It's amazing how much knowledge we've acquired due to this prickly little virus.

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This has happened to me too this past month. I am now 36 and had my initial outbreak at 14 . The virus lay dormant for 22 years until two weeks ago, my second outbreak after 22 years was as equally bad as my first. Now two days after it had cleared I have had a third outbreak although very mild. In the last 22 years I have had , without a single prodome or outbreak, three terminations , three healthy pregnancys with natural birth and two miscarriages and my husband and sole partner of ten years showing no symptoms. One connection I have found is that four weeks ago I was given the drug mifipristone , also know as the abortion pill, to medically manage a missed miscarriage , which I reacted to quite badly hemorrhaging and needing hospitalisation. I have since read that it is well documented that mifipristone can reactivate a dormant herpes virus. So yes as in my case it is perfectly normal for the virus to lay dormant for many years and only reappear due to an illness or change in the bodys chemistry. Sorry for the long post hope this helps someone to come to terms with this startling discovery.

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  • 1 month later...

I am 31, almost 32 and just had a primary breakout. I have a new boyfriend and before that, I wasn't with anyone for 4 years. I am certain I must have gotten this virus from my current boyfriend, yet he SWEARS every single person he's been with doesn't have herpes. I would like to believe him, yet you can't just tell who has herpes without a breakout or blood test....I really don't know where I got it myself. In a way, I do get upset thinking that this b/f should have gotten a blood test before being with me regardless. What was he thinking? I don't want to point fingers, but it just really upsets me not knowing who gave it to me. Maybe I had this virus since I was 18? Who knows! :( But I think it's strange how I just happen to get a primary breakout after being with my boyfriend for almost 3 months....fishy fishy.

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Sorry to interpret the main threat but JC81, you should know that doctors do not want to test for it. I had 2 tell me that the tests can be inaccurate and if you don't have symptoms, then they won't test. It's not part of a standard STD test. And you don't know to even ask for it! I am 39 and had never before asked for it nor known that I had to ask for it. Even after I had a sore, I still wanted the blood test to confirm which type I had and they didn't want to do the test as they said it didn't matter. So your BF really didn't do anything wrong if he's had the standard STD tests. They wouldn't have caught it. The guy who gave it to me never had a symptom and still doesn't. It's a real travesty that the tests aren't better and that doctor's seem to think that if you are asymptomatic then you shouldn't be tested. It is easier for a man to give to a woman so he may well have had it but never had a symptom. Or you could have had it for years like the others in this thread. The important thing is to get informed now and realize that you will be OK. You are not alone and this won't end your sex life. I promise. We are all here for you. :-)

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Hi Shannon,

My b/f hasn't been tested yet and I'm not sure if he will. He's already been exposed for months with me, so he doesn't even care at this point. That is up to him, so be it.

But how horrible of doctors not wanting to test. :( it is sad! I know planned parenthood does the test, but you have to pay $100 I believe.

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Did I read on another post that he's your ex now? I hope he gets tested because he's probably the one passing it on as men don't always have symptoms and women get it some much easier. I hope he gets tested. The medical profession is part of the problem on this. They don't think it's a big deal if you don't have symptoms but if that's true then stop making us feel like criminals. They need to get the word out there about the truth! The truth is that it's not a huge deal. Many people have it. And you're not bad if you do. So I blame them most of all. If they included the test with the standard STD test, perhaps people would be more careful! But actually, I think it's just going to get worse. I have oral herpes on my genitals and soooo many more people have oral herpes and there was a study that said that oral sex is much more common now. So...I think that HSV1 is going to become more prevalent. But the good news is that if you are single, you'll probably find that many men are OK with it. I have found that. So you're life is not over and all will be OK in the end.

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The guy I'm talking about is my boyfriend. We've been together since September 2012. My last relationship ended in 2008... I've been with a lot of guys, but had relationships with them and never flings. My ex in 2008 was with a total of 20 women before me. But I knew him from high school and we were together for 3 years before our relationship ended. I also thought maybe he could have infected me, yet I just got the breakout at the end of October (started with the UTI and then the sore). Oh well, I need to stop thinking about it and learn to deal with it. Thanks Shannon!

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