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I had the herpes talk. And he said....


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I did it. I had the herpes talk. Three beers down, some slow breathing techniques, and then just spilled it all out. I went from start to finish, how it happened, diagnosis, him leaving me, my parents, my friends, all of it. Tears poured down my cheeks as I told him how much I have hurt. I ran the stats by him. I told him how much I cared for him and would keep him safe. I opened my heart and laid it out for it to get thrown back in my face. He held my hand the entire time.

 

And he said.... Can I talk now? He told me how much he cared for me. He said does this change the way I view you? Yes, but in the most positive way. He said I trust you. In regards to me and you it changes nothing. It takes a lot of balls to be able to do what you did and if anything it made me care for you more. The way you told me. I asked him if wanted time. He said no. I don't need time. I trust you. You have done your research. I am not scared. I said do you want to see the papers I brought, or my medicine? He said nope. Doesn't matter. You got dealt a shitty card and that's life. And no matter what happens between us I'm here for you. He said, he (my giver) doesn't need to be here for me, that he (my guy) was. I said I don't want to just be your friend. He said I don't want to be just your friend either. I want to be your man. He then told me more about his secret and some stuff he has been through. He said you accept me for mine. He then told me about people he knows who gets cold sores. I asked him if he thought I was pretty still? He said you aren't pretty, you are beautiful. I said are you going to be scared to touch me? He said no, of course not, more scared of makin you mad. I said do you think I'm sexy still? He said sexier. I said do you still think I'm so great? He said greater. He said you are a strong woman. And I'm here. He said I want you and he smiled, and said and everything that comes with you. He said if anything happens between us it won't be because of that, he looked at my hair and said it will be that little but of ginger temper you got in you. He looked at me and said do you want to stay tonight? I shook my head yes. We laid down. And he kissed me. And we played some. He touched me and didn't immediately jump up to run to the bathroom to wash his hands. I finally said you need to go wash your hands baby. He said yeah I guess I do. He didn't freak out. He didn't make me feel weird. He didn't act like a weirdo after touching me. And we kissed goodnight and he said is your mind at ease now? And I said yes, I am the happiest I've been in the past six months.

 

And I slept. Better than I ever have since my diagnosis. And I feel like a weight has just been lifted off of me. Who knows what will happen. He may change his mind. I didn't get that vibe though. But all I know is I've met a wonderful man who sees me for who I am. Not for what I have. And I know my life is better for having met this man. Regardless of what happens. He changed me. And my hope is that I can give back to him the same acceptance, understanding, and compassion he has shown me. He trusts me and that means more to me than anything. He TRUSTS me.

 

I am me, I am not defined by this. There is more to me than this. And there is to you too, whoever is reading this. You will find someone. If I can, anyone can. Have faith. Have hope. But most of all, realize that when you listen to understand, not judge, that listening to understand will likely be given back to you. And the response you expect and prepare for, may be the exact opposite of what you get.

 

Fingers crossed he doesn't change his mind. Thank you all for the support. I couldn't have done this without any of you. And a special thank you to @wcs for staying on the phone with me for an hour Sunday night going over what I would say and do. You were so very very right.

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But most of all, realize that when you listen to understand, not judge, that listening to understand will likely be given back to you.

 

And THAT, my dear, is a HUUUGE lesson for you!! (and for many on here)

 

I have tears in my eyes right now ... I'm soooo happy for you. Like Adrial said, soak it up. Enjoy THE PRESENT. The future will work itself out, promise :)

 

HUUUGE (((HUGS))) to you my friend.

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By the way folks - although this man revealed his own "secret" to TIGTBOK, which helped her to see his vulnerability, pretty much everyone has a "secret" that they feel might make them unlovable to another. Most just hold it inside (in their "closet") and never let it out, and spend much of their time looking for proof that they really are broken and unlovable and damaged so that noone will love them.

 

The beautiful thing about this guy is he opened up and allowed himself to be vulnerable FIRST ... most guys have a problem allowing anyone to see their insecurity. So HUGE props to him ... men like that are especially few and far between. ;)

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I'm all smiles. We text some more today while I was at work and I said I was so scared of you walking away from me. He goes baby I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to. And my heart just skipped a beat. And oddly enough, I believe him.

 

Thank all of y'all! I am so giddy and so just crazy for him. I was before but now... It's like a fire in my heart and I just want to love him. This one is different. And I knew that the night I met him. My hearts on fire. :) y'all are such an awesome support group. I'm this position because of y'all.

 

I'm not going to worry. Especially after today's talks. He is in it. And so am I. Whole damn heartedly in this and I'm going to love him like he ain't ever been loved. He deserves it. Not for accepting me, but because I've never met a man with a heart like his. It's so pure and genuine.

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@thisisgoingtobeokay.... Well, I've had a rough week. Been saying my daily affirmations. Positive thoughts. I do cry a little bit during the week, but been making ' deals' with myself... As in--"you can't cry today, you can cry on Saturday when you are off from work...."

Well, your story broke my deal today. But HAPPY tears. What a great story. We are all so happy for you!it gives us all hope. Xoxox big hug abc123

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I'm so glad this has made some of y'all have some hope. It really really makes me feel good. He is wonderful. Ya know what I love? He talks about the future. There is a concert in December of someone we both love and I told him today about the concert and he said oh baby we are going I promise. That's forever away! And he already is using "we" are going. He is in it for the long haul and I'm thrilled. Happy happy girl! :)

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A beautiful story! I'm so happy for you :). I so respect you're strength and vulnerability. Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. Tears because I empathize with the fear and doubt and also with the hope that honesty is honorable. And tears because it gives me hope. Thank you for sharing your heart... With your new guy and with us :)

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So my friend, is it possible to say that this guy is really different from anyone you ever dated? I'm willing to bet he is pretty much the opposite of your past BF's. This is why I call H your Wingman.... because you will stop yourself from jumping at every guy who shows you attention (likely so they can get into your pants ... and we women respond because we want to feel "loved" ) and will force you to slow down and "vet" them better.

 

The best men out there are able to be vulnerable to you and let you in to their heart FIRST.... but they are few and far between. But when you find them, they are gems to treasure. ;)

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  • 3 weeks later...

So happy for U! I am still waiting on the dust to settle on my important relationships. Fingers are crossed. I haven't been told I was gross or disgusting or anything like that yet. So that's a good sign. Lol. (This is me being me- not being insensitive - just saying) you seem to have a keeper. Maybe I will too!!! If not now then in the future! Thank you for sharing!

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I haven't been told I was gross or disgusting or anything like that yet.

 

And that, my friend, is your brain on steroids.... anyone who matters won't say that to you...anyone who does is a jerk and you don't need them ...

 

You guys should go back to @ok's first posts and follow her story ... she was totally convinced her life was over last Fall. I love how much she has grown and learned to start to believe that H doesn't define her and doesn't make her unlovable :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

@thisisgoingtobeok

OMG... So happy for you!! Thank you so much for sharing! I sat here and cried and sobbed and cried some more... And I don't even know why!! Your story is so amazing! I've lived with H for over 25 years now, and just now discovered this site. I am SO grateful! I have told many men that I have H, with variable success. It seems like, the guys that I'm not as interested in, it's easy to tell (less emotional connection, less hope for the future, less everything). But, the ones that MATTER... That's a whole different story. I SO blew it, a few weeks ago, when I told this amazing guy... I did it ALL wrong! Oy. BUT... Now, a few weeks later, we are texting again, emailing a bit, talking on the phone tonight. I don't know if we will be able to get back to the energy we had before... And if not, then it wasn't meant to be. But, I'm happy to have the chance to explore it with him, in a better place in my mind and heart. H as wingman.... What a concept! Makes me shake my head just thinking about it!

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H as wingman.... What a concept! Makes me shake my head just thinking about it!

 

So much of life is how we CHOOSE to look at it ... how we take what we are dealt and learn and grow from it and our attitude towards it. So you can choose to believe H will ruin your love life forever, or you can choose to see it as something that will help you sort the guys who are in the "sex first, all the other stuff later" mode who are not being honest with THEMSELVES (never mind YOU!) about how they really view a possible LTR with you. The ones who really, TRULY value you will at least slow down and get educated ... they may decide it's a deal breaker for them but they will honor you enough to take time to think on that choice. The jerks who are looking for sex first and who are not really "into" you won't be able to grab their jacket and keys fast enough to get away from you. And this goes for Casual sex encounters too ... we have heartwarming stories on here of Casual Sex partnering with a H- person who is honest in their intentions (ie, not looking for a relationship) AND who still wants to share some amazing, magical time with someone who is H+ ... and how beautiful is that?

 

(((HUGS)))

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  • 2 weeks later...

Like a few other people said, this story literally had me crying. I have been a hot mess for the past few weeks dealing with someone who claims to love me even while he cheated on me and possibly infected me as a result (PCR tests negative, now waiting for either an OB or a blood test to confirm...2-3 more months to wait...ugh). It's so encouraging to see someone have such a positive and affirming experience. Maybe we can clone that guy??? Just askin.

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