Should I deliberately catch herpes (HSV-1) orally? | Encouragement

[JustASkinCondition]

I am a 31 year old male. I do not have HSV-1 or HSV-2 either orally or genitally. My partner has HSV-1 genitally. We are not yet sexually active.

 

I have been doing my home work, researching and getting my facts straight. From what I can tell:

 

- HSV-1 genitally isn't as much at home genitally as HSV-2 is. 50% of cases do not recur. My partner has not had any recurrences in over a year since her initial outbreak. I certainly hope she is one of the lucky ones who never has symptoms again.

 

- 80% of people already have HSV-1 orally. If you already have HSV-1 orally it is extremely rare to get an outbreak genitally as your body has already built up the antibodies to fight the virus. (Specific transmission rates of this scenario would be great..?)

 

My question is; considering that we are planning a lifelong partnership/marriage should I be 'reckless' and try to contract my partners HSV-1 virus orally (FUN!) That way my body will build up the antibodies necessary to fight the virus and my chances of contracting the virus genitally is greatly reduced. It would be so miniscule.

 

My thoughts are. If I'm to have HSV-1, I would rather it orally. Which raises another question; I have google-image searched what the HSV virus does and looks like when there's an OB. Obviously there are some 'worst-case-scenarios' going in. Being that HSV-1 evolved to exist most happily in the mouth. Are the OB's always mild and not the type that spread around the anus, thighs and even up the abdomen? Personal accounts would be appreciated.

 

Although, on the other hand. If we were both to have HSV-1 genitally and we both had OB's. At least we'd be able to express our sexuality with kissing. If I have an OB orally and she has it genitally then I guess we'll have to be extra creative. Just thoughts...

 

___________

 

To carry on from that though. All couples get sick and have to abstain from sex for periods of time. You guys seem to like having encouraging stories and know that there's hope out there and that this is not the end of the world. Here is my perspective:

 

I only found out about my partners 'status' a week and a half ago. I won't pretend it wasn't hard news to hear. I didn't know the facts and what it actually meant. I have been researching conscientiously ever since and making sure that stigma didn't cloud my thoughts and feelings. After doing my research I can say and I do say to my partner; 'It is just a skin condition'. It is annoying to have an itch down there. But it's annoying to have a mosquito bite anywhere. (I know it's often worse than just a mild itch) It's annoying to abstain from sex, but it will be annoying to abstain from sex when I have the flu too. And goodness knows I get the man-flu! As far as I can tell; it's handy to have a virus that gives you, (albeit an annoying one) a warning signal that your body is overstressed. Needs some TLC, rest and looking after. Goodness, in this culture we could all do with that 'app'.

 

This hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been the worst. A relationship isn't a contract for my own sexual gratification. My love for my partner is far bigger than this. I expect we'll go through harder things than this. HSV has nothing to do with your heart. With who you are and the gift of humanity that you have to offer the world. You are more than the biology of your body. You have joy to give. You have love to give. You have warmth to offer. You have a creative soul to express. This does not change how I view her. She is the most beautiful woman; heart, soul, mind and body that I have ever met. I won't let a skin condition get in the way of us enjoying our lives together. There are many far worse conditions out there that limit your physical capacity to enjoy life.

 

Granted, my partner seems to be one of the lucky ones as far as the first year of her infection has gone. For those who suffer severe and regular outbreaks, who experience the worst of the symptoms both physically, emotionally and from the stigma; you have my deepest empathy. I just want to encourage you to not let this limit your attitude to engaging with life. The sexiest thing is a life well lived. A positive attitude that has perspective, that has gone through trials and lives out of the wisdom gained. I'm not saying it won't be hard and it won't suck. Of course, at times it will. But don't let the negativity of your own thoughts or of others rule your life. It is far too beautiful and precious of a gift.

 

Dear past, thank you for all the lessons.

Dear future, I am ready.

 

Much love to you all.

[WCSDancer2010]

@JustASkinCondition

 

Welcome... and can I say ... WOW! So wonderful to see such a great attitude to learning about the condition and not buying into the stigma. Your partner is certainly a very lucky girl!

 

Regarding whether you should "try to get it" - well, I can't really advise you on that. I would *suggest* that at least for the time being, see if she will go on antivirals and that should reduce the shedding enough to protect you...especially genitally... from getting it as the shedding should be drastically reduced ... and HSV1 doesn't shed much in the first place. Once you are well established sexually you can re-visit whether she should stay on them. I'm a non-drug person and I've researched Acyclovir enough to understand that it really does not bother other organs as it only activates in the presence of the virus.

 

Which raises another question; I have google-image searched what the HSV virus does and looks like when there's an OB. Obviously there are some 'worst-case-scenarios' going in. Being that HSV-1 evolved to exist most happily in the mouth. Are the OB's always mild and not the type that spread around the anus, thighs and even up the abdomen? Personal accounts would be appreciated.

 

First piece of advice... STAY OFF GOOGLE IMAGES! They are enough to make a nymphomaniac become a nun :( Here is a better link for you for a reality check:

 

http://herpeslife.com/pictures-of-genital-herpes

 

Yes - *some* people have horrid OB's (and many more find there way to places like this than those with mild OB's because they become frantic trying to find relief...) but remember that 80% never have an OB or it was so mild they don't know they had one.

 

So - before you go any further, have you actually been blood tested for HSV? Because most people think they were and don't know that it's not included in STD tests unless you specifically ask.

 

Oh ... and regarding abstaining from sex, you may enjoy this too ;)

 

Peace :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

[HerryTheHerp]

While I can't recommend "trying" to catch it, the reality is that HSV1 is so minor it might as well be the New Kids on the Block of STD's. It's annoying and frustrating at times, but for the most part doesn't do any real damage.

 

HSV1 genital sheds very infrequently, and so the chances you'll catch it are lower than most. That said, there's a good possibility your partner has it orally, too. Not a definite, but possible. Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. 80% of the population has 1 and, well, we lead normal lives without any worries.

[JustASkinCondition]

@WCSDancer2010

 

Haha. I knew I'd get wrapped around the knuckles for doing a google image search. Thanks for the more measured view.

 

I have checked with my GP if I have a record of cold sores. I don't remember any, but am waiting to hear back. We also have a 'date' scheduled at her doctors next week to discuss everything, get more information and where I will get blood tested.

 

I totally see the abstaining from sex as an opportunity for creativity. Is it just me; or wasn't making out just with clothes on super hot back in the day!?

 

 

@HerryTheHerp

 

I understand that HSV-1 is more minor and sheds very infrequently. But it was from vaginal sex that my partner contracted the HSV-1 virus and the guy in question didn't know that he had it. He had never displayed any symptoms. I do understand that a woman is more at risk of contracting HSV due to the larger mucous membrane surface area. But I do consider being that we are intending to spend the rest of our lives together, that I'll likely catch it.

 

What are the longest periods of time that people are aware of partners not contracting HSV-1 and HSV-2? The longest I've come across on message boards has been 15 years and still counting. I'd love to know what peoples experiences have been with lifelong partners.

 

Thanks,

[HerryTheHerp]

That's a common story; about 80% of people who have either HSV1 or 2 don't know they have it. This virus is sneaky that way.

 

Women definitely get the short end of the stick when it comes to STD's, and they are far more susceptible to them than we are. But, the way I see it, the whole multiple orgasm thing evens the score out.

 

Longest period of time? That's a tough question. I've seen one couple on another forum that was at 30 years. It is such a variance simply because there really is a lot of luck that goes into that. Even with careful planning, condoms, suppression, etc., it's a crap shoot.

[JustASkinCondition]

@HerryTheHerp

 

You see where I'm coming from with the deliberately contracting it orally then? ...I know you guys can't advice such a thing. But better to have it orally than genitally right? ...I know there's the slimmest chance I could get it both orally and genitally. But won't we both just consider me to be 'King of Contraction' if that happens!? :P

[WCSDancer2010]

Is it just me; or wasn't making out just with clothes on super hot back in the day!?

 

It still is >:)

 

But it was from vaginal sex that my partner contracted the HSV-1 virus and the guy in question didn't know that he had it. He had never displayed any symptoms.

 

Uh - if he never had any symptoms, then unless he never, ever did oral on her, odds are she got it from oral and he didn't know he had cold sores. 50% of ALL new genital cases (H1 and H2) are HSV1 from oral sex nowadays ;) )

 

Longest relationship without passing it on? We have one young lady on here in her 20's who has 1 parent who has it and the other is still H-. I have a client who had her first ever OB after 30 years of marriage and supposedly her hubby is H-.

 

And @herry ..

 

Women definitely get the short end of the stick when it comes to STD's, and they are far more susceptible to them than we are. But, the way I see it, the whole multiple orgasm thing evens the score out.

 

Uh - we get the short end of the stick all around. Periods. PMS. Pregnancy (some have a REALLY rough ride with it), labor, post-partum depression, menopause, AND STD's. And most don't have multiple orgasms. Many never have one because many men can't find their way out of a paper bag without a map, never mind be able to find a G-spot. Any of us who manage multiple orgasms are the fortunate few..... LOL ;)

 

 

[NexisLexis]

Oh this brighten my day! And made me giggled. Yeah it sucks at times being a woman, but God gave the toughest jobs to women. Lol because he knew we could handle it. Lol!

 

NEXIS

[lelani]

I love this thread...it proves there are awesome men (and women) out there who think like this. I thought like that when I had to make a decision to be with an H+ man...my current partner made the same decision with me. There are heaps of us intelligent, loving and mature souls out there who get that H is really just a skin condition that reflects our state of health :-).

 

As for the multiple orgasm thing...I never experienced that until this year (!!!) maybe an unexpected gift from Herpes?! Well I tell myself that ;-)

 

I was with a my husband for 28 years and never contracted his oral HSV1....and we had no idea about taking precautions, just went for it! While we didn't do oral when he had a cold sore there must have been plenty of times during those years he would have been unknowingly shedding.

 

I have been wondering lately if I contracted my HSV2 from him too and it lay dormant for years (he was unfaithful regularly after our first year of marriage) rather than contracting it from the guy I thought I got it from a couple of years ago (just had yeast infections quite a lot over the years that often didn't clear with treatment that I would then have to repeat). I'll never know.

 

In my roundabout way I'm saying that there are people who don't contract H even though they are regularly exposed to it. And people who have it and don't know until they have a 'first episode' that is recognized as H. Crazy virus!

 

And there are so many amazing people out there that none of us have to settle for less :-) we just have to be patient and believe we deserve them. x

[JustASkinCondition]

@WCSDancer2010 are genital HSV-1 OB's known to be less 'severe' than genital HSV-2 OB's?

[WCSDancer2010]

Yes - for *most* people, HSV1 genital tends to settle down much faster ... the virus doesn't like the warmer, moister area of the genitals so it goes and sulks in it's nerve ganglion home more... sometimes they have a tough first OB or two but it generally it normally settles down pretty quickly

[lucky1]

Regarding the question about how long someone has been in a relationship where one partner has it and the other does not. I have HSV2 and was married and had two children. My ex-husband and I were together 16 years, obviously hoping it would be forever. Throughout that time, I was on Acyclovir only for outbreaks. We had regular and frequent unprotected sex including oral and it has been confirmed that my ex-husband has never contracted the virus. It is possible.

 

It just was never an issue for us. Of course, some nights we had to get creative but that just added to the fun. May have been more annoying for him but that only lasted a couple of days.

 

Through body awareness, I was able to recognize when I was getting an OB through prodomes.

 

Hope this helps and thank you so much for being supportive to your girlfriend. It goes a very long way and while it is scary, it is certainly one of the smaller issues you will face in your relationship.

 

I should add that both of my children were birthed vaginally with no passing of the virus to them. I know that was a big fear for me before I had babies.