...now can ask questions....I'm really upset still

[AmyL]

Ive been on a roller coaster this week. I was told Monday and wow. I am separated from a monster since March that left me with both kinds of herpes 1&2 and HPV. I wanna find a reason to break out in handcuffs, as we are still going to court on the domestic violence charges. He's not worth that but I've already told everyone and I'm feeling dirty anyway for being with trash in the first place. I am on Valtrex now and it gives me hallucinations kinda bad. I'm disabled for Bi-polar disorder and ADHD and on serious meds already. I've been kidnapped had my nose broken and stabbed 3 times since 2011. I'm still alive at least and life is precious. I'm ok now but worried about the meds and being rejected....what next? I hate to ask I feel so dirty now!

[WCSDancer2010]

@AmyL

 

First - Welcome and glad you found us.

 

So sorry that you have been dealt such a crappy hand... and right now your biggest priority is dealing with your separation/divorce/court issues. So I hope we can put your mind to rest about Herpes.

 

So reality check #1 - 80% of people have HSV1 - 60% of young people have it by young adulthood. There is a very good chance you had it from childhood and didn't know it. Not saying he didn't give it to you ... just saying that you are with the majority of the population and that it's much, MUCH more common than you think.

 

Reality check #2 - The CDC says that pretty much EVERYONE will get one form or other of HPV at some point in their life. So again, you are part of a much bigger group than you realize.

 

Reality check #3 - 15-20% of people have HSV2. So while it's not as prevalent as the other two, it's still pretty common.

 

I put that out there because I just want you to know that you are FAR from alone in this. How you got is sucks ... but most people get it from someone who either doesn't know they have it (and BTW, men can't be tested for HPV so they often carry it unwittingly) or who lie about having it.

 

Now, about feeling dirty? Honey, most of the population has at least one of the 3 varieties. Many of us have all 3. Herpes does not define who YOU are ... you are obviously a strong woman. You need to deal with your current situation ... but DO know that once you are on solid ground and in a better place, you CAN find love. We have many,, many success stories on here of people who have found love with H- partners.

 

(((HUGS))) hang around ... you will find a lot of support here.... read as much as you can and ask all you need to know... we're here for you!

[HerryTheHerp]

Take it one step, one day at a time. That's all any of us can do, diseases or no diseases.

 

Now, as far as feeling dirty, well, we've all been there. But, like the Dancer said, there's a lot of us, and if it wasn't herpes, it could be cancer, or AIDS, or psoriasis. We're human. We get sick. That's life, and it doesn't make us dirty; it makes us mortal, and that's all.

 

Chin up. You've had some real crap thrown your way, but you know what, you're still standing upright and that's the first step to recovery. Just know that you've got a lot of people here that are ready to hold you up when you feel like you're going to fall.

[Sparklepony]

The first part of breaking the herpes stigma is to not think the stigmatized way. You're not dirty, or a monster. How you're feeling is normal, we have all been there. Anyone, anywhere can get herpes. It's not just a selective group. You would be amazed at who you know that has it. A nurse in my doctors office who I consider to be one of the most attractive, well put together, and all around wonderful person disclosed to me that she's been H+ for 15 years. I was shocked. It really can happen to anyone. Like everyone else, you will accept it over time and you'll get to a point where all it is to you is a really annoying skin condition.

 

It seems like you're not in a great place in a lot of ways with life right now. When things are being thrown at you right and left you find yourself in "the hole". You haven't been given a chance to deal with things as they come because it's all coming at once. Get your head right and things will be easier to deal with. Eliminate unneeded stressors, see a counselor if you think it would help, force yourself to take the time to relax. Deal with things one day at a time, like Herry said. That's all you really can do. I've never dealt with a physically abusive partner, but a emotionallyy damaging one. It starts to consume you if you let it. You just have to get to a point where you refuse to let it own you and you separate your life as much as you can from it. I know it's hard while you're going through the courts with it right now. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to find the positive and the happy in situations or else it consumes us and makes things worse.

[AmyL]

I have read and read I know this is not my fault. I was even nice enough to get the word to him about it because I would't not want to know and just decided well they were drawing blood so what the heck do a test for STDS and my dr did the herpes test. I'm accepting it better but being single for it sucks. Dating will be hard I know.

[WCSDancer2010]

Dating will be hard I know.

 

So get this..

 

Whether you think you can

or you think you can't

you are right

 

Dating will only be hard IF you make it hard. Certainly by putting it on the dating profile you will avoid the germ-phobes and those who are not willing to be educated. But dating will only be as hard as you make it. The one good thing about H is you start to slow down how fast you get involved and you get to know THEM better. And that gives you a chance to weed out the crazies before you get emotionally attached... ;)

[AmyL]

I'm surprised at the guys I was already just chatting with all know I'm not in a hurry. I am super honest and can't stand to be lied to. I'd rather have full disclosure too!

[ClementineK]

Hey Amy,

All of the others have covered the issues related to HSV, so I have nothing to add. But I've been abused as well, and I want you to know that I'm there with you. At this point, it's clear you know you're not at fault, but that shit can mess with you. It's been a really tough road to get rid of all of the anger I had for my abuser, but I think I've been pretty successful. The "wanting to beat the shit out of him" phase will probably pass, but you have every right to be angry at your abuser.

 

I guess I don't have any advice but just encouragement. Coming out of that sort of situation is SO hard. I found that after that going through the abuse, everything else just seems like small potatoes after that, including HSV.

[AmyL]

Its bad to worse I have great people that I was fully honest with that want to talk to me anyway this is actually weeded out the bad and good but you know what Im feeling now... I don't want to give a good guy a present because its not always light like mine is now. I want to not give it to anyone!!! I'm feeling bad today and going with a friend I know on a ride to get out of here for a bit tomorrow. I got to get out of the house I haven't since I found out a week ago I've been here alone and depressed.

[WCSDancer2010]

Again - your job is to INFORM and EDUCATE them, make sure they understand their risks and do your part (take meds if that is your agreement, ditto condoms, and monitor your body to avoid sex during OB's).

 

ALL life assumes risk (you have as good a chance of dying in a car accident or getting pregnant on BC as you have of giving him HSV2 when on meds or using a condom). Once you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, you reduce your chances of getting a STI drastically... more-so when you know your status and how to handle it. AND, sometimes life just doesn't play "fair" ... just as good people die in a car accident, sometimes a partner will get H no matter how much you try to protect them. You can only do your best and leave the rest up to fate, or God, or whatever you believe in.

[AmyL]

I believe in God and my guardian angel is somewhere shakin her head at me...lol. I am now on Valtrex and taking the L-Lysine too. I like that I have this site to come to y'all rock!