Asymptomatic for 3 years first time disclosing since diagnosis...scary

[mazedaze818]

I tested positive for herpes 3 years ago after a really nasty encounter with one of my college classmates. The experience was embarrassing, painful, and left me with a lot of shame, to the point that I didn't even consider dating for over a year afterwards. I met my last boyfriend and we both got tested before sleeping together, I tested positive and it was a huge shock since I'd never displayed physical symptoms of any kind. Thankfully, he was incredibly understanding and after discussing it with my doctor, we both decided we could handle it. And in all honesty, nothing about our sexual relationship was any different from the ones I'd had before I was diagnosed. We stopped seeing each other a while ago, and since then I've been dating a few people and it's been a lot of fun. However, there's always a nagging voice in the back of my head that reminds me, "you have to tell them and they probably won't be okay with it". That voice has kept me from opening up to people on an emotional and physical level, but I'm trying to come to terms with it. I started seeing someone more seriously two weeks ago, and it's been great. I set up really specific physical boundaries for two reasons: first, I didn't want sex to distract us from really getting to know one another, and second, I didn't want him to find out and then feel I'd been careless or put him at risk in any way. He's been incredibly respectful, hasn't pressed the issue once and I think that says a lot about him...but there's still no way of knowing how he'll handle the news. Having the conversation is all I can think about lately, trying to find the right time, analyzing possible reactions, it's the worst. I'm asymptomatic, in the three years since I tested positive I've never had an outbreak of any kind, my diagnosis exists in this weird grey area and it makes things confusing for me. The statistics I've found all apply to people with regular outbreaks, and I just wanted to know if anyone has any accurate information for people that are asymptomatic. I'd also really appreciate suggestions on the best way to phrase my disclosure, a man's perspective would be greatly appreciated.

[perfGentleman]

Maybe you should get tested again... Tests can be wrong...

 

Do you remember if it was HSV1 or HSV2?

 

[mazedaze818]

HSV2, I got a second full panel blood test today just to be sure. But according to my doctor, a lot of people are asymptomatic like me...it's part of why there are so many new cases each year. People don't show symptoms so they don't know they have it and in turn, don't take the proper precautions so it keeps spreading. False positives don't seem that common though.

[WCSDancer2010]

@mazedaze818

 

First - welcome!

 

Yes - False Positives are very rare - once you have the antibodies, it's a pretty clear cut thing ... false negatives are more common because some people don't seem to produce a lot of antibodies, or take a long time to build them up to a point where they can be detected in the test.

 

And yes - 80% of people are either aysmptomatic or have such minor symptoms that they don't realize it's a Herpes OB. As you said... that is one of the main reasons for the spread of the virus...

 

So I am going to reply to your "other" discussion with regards to your original post on here ... and for future reference, please only hit the post button ONCE in new discussions ... there's a kink in the forum system that makes it look like your post didn't go through and every time you hit post it re-posts. Adrial is working to upgrade the system but there are a few other things ahead of it on his "to-do" list ;)