Terrible first herpes outbreak, going to doc tomorrow. Feeling so lost and depressed

[Fluffy]

Hi everyone,

 

This is my first post & I've been reading a lot what you all have to say and I'm so thankful for every conversation that has been posted, I feel better already.

 

A little about me, I'm a 25 y/o ph.d. student in clinical psychology and have been experiencing picture perfect herpes symptoms for the first time in my life, I've researched so much about it, and I've already been diagnosed with HPV. In the past 5 days I've had an outbreak of sores in my genital area that have spread from my vulva to my anal region and they were extremely painful, so badly that I couldn't walk or go to the bathroom without cringing. I thought it might be a yeast infection at first because I had just finished my menstrual cycle and it happens from time to time with me from hormonal changes. I also thought I had anal fissures because I had some digestive problems right beforehand, its still been hard for me to have a BM. I also thought I had an outbreak of HPV, because I never really saw the small puss filled sacs really, but maybe they bursted too fast for me to notice. I also had a swollen groin lymph node that has since gotten better.

 

Things have cleared up down there a little bit and gotten less painful, but just yesterday I've just gotten a sore throat, fever, headache and my gums are sore and bleed a little when I brush my teeth. This is also apparently a prodromal phase of oral herpes too. Could I possibly have hit the herpes jackpot and have one outbreak down there and orally all within a week? I'm going to my OBGYN tomorrow, if she gives me medication, how long will it take for my symptoms to go away? I'm also so confused because I've been with solely my boyfriend for about 11 months and he's never had any symptoms at all. I'm afraid I've also given it to him and I'm not sure if he gave it to me. When I told him I think I have herpes, he was so supportive and hugged me and said that it'll be okay. Before dropping me off at school he kissed me and I pulled away because I thought I might give him strep throat, which I now know the beginning of an outbreak most likely, and he said, "Hey, come on now. I don't care, I have whatever you have, you're just going to have to get used it." I really love him so much, this kills me.

 

We've lived together for about 2.5 months and I feel like every single time I get home to see him in the past 5 days, I only have bad news and I'm not myself, usually I end up crying. Should I keep talking about herpes since it's always on my mind or try and remain strong, not talk about it and try to keep acting like we always have? Focus on every day life? Not ruminate? Also, if I think I have an oral herpes outbreak because my gums are hurting, I shouldn't even kiss him, right? I feel so lost, sad, anxious and stressed because my finals are coming up and with the outbreak I can't exercise regularly or feel like myself, and I feel completely defeated that I'm going to have this forever. I just want some TLC from my bf and I feel like the stigma of herpes is making me feel disconnected and self-conscious around him even though he is being so supportive. I feel disappointed in myself and afraid that my bf will also get herpes or that we'll never have great sex ever again. He hates condoms and so do I and before this, we had the most amazing sex. I don't know when we'll feel like ourselves again. What should I do? How can I become peaceful again and accept myself and our relationship as it will be in the future?

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Fluffy

 

First - Welcome ... glad you found us....

 

So I assume you have at least some understanding of the Stages of Grief??? Well, my friend, you are in it... because like it or not, when we are diagnosed with Herpes we tend to become convinced our lives are over ... and in a way, yes, your life as you knew it is over ... but then again, that happens every time you wake up in some small way or other. Herpes just convinces us that we are no longer pretty, worthy, or lovable. Or more likely, it puts a magnifying glass on feelings that we already had and proves to us that we are not deserving of unconditional love, because we now really, truly have a "condition" .. AND, the good news is it's all your head playing with you nd none of it is true.

 

It sounds like your BF is a peach. And there will be a fine line in allowing him to support you and see your vulnerability throughout all this and vomiting all your frustrations and fears on him ... But never fear! That is what WE are for! Sure, let him know that you are angry or upset.... but if you find yourself obsessing about something, vent it on here. There's a lot of great info and lots of us who are quite a few steps ahead of you... (I've had it 35 + years). Just let him hold you and support him as a man wants to - as your protector and rock. Let us deal with the ruminations and venting :)

 

So... do know that the CDC reckons that EVERYONE who is sexually active (from only a couple lifetime partners to Swingers and such) will get HPV at some point in their life ... And that 8% of the population has Herpes. So you are not alone by any means. It's just that most don't know we exist and suffer in silence.

 

The "Cold/Flu Symptoms" are typical general Herpes symptoms (genital OR oral) and the gums are probably part of that ... but Herpes does not usually reside inside the mouth/throat area (it's VERY rare) ... it's mostly on the outer edge of the lip... so I'm not convinced that you have Oral Herpes ... if you do, it's unlikely to be the same one as you have down south and you likely have had it since childhood (in fact, I'm more like nearly 50 yrs with Herpes if you include Oral Herpes as I got it at age 3).

 

Hopefully your OBGYN will take a swab and I would request a blood test too so you know if you very recently acquired it (perhaps your BF is an asymptomatic carrier) or if you have had it awhile. I'd get him to get blood tested too. You need to know if you are both carrying the same one(s) so you know how you want to proceed as far as protection.

 

Noone can tell you how quickly it will clear up, with or without meds ... everyone has a different experience. Sounds like your studies may be what triggered such a big OB ... so do whatever you can to reduce that stress. Try Epsom Salts baths (dump the salts right between your legs), pour water between your legs or pee in the bath to reduce the sting. Dry the area off with a Blow Drier on Warm setting. Go commando whenever you can and wear loose breathable clothes ... tight clothes will exacerbate things right now.

 

Oh - and regarding condoms, I keep hearing great things about the FC2 Female condom - you may want to try it out (when you have healed) - it covers more area anyway, doesn't reduce the sensation for either side (supposedly INCREASES for some!) and it's a great back-up to reduce pregnancy (take it from a proud grandma of a little girl conceived on BC ;) )

 

(((HUGS)))

[willow]

Hi @Fluffy!

First step, breathe.... everyone WILL be ok!

.... breathe again..

You have plenty of reasons to stay possitive right now!

Schooling, a place of your own, knowledge about the virus, and a supoortive bf!

Which btw, your sex life wont change that much even if it is herpes,! You just have to be carefull to not have sex while an outbreak is occuring, or if you feel the prodomes comming on.

It helps to talk about h, and if your bf is "getting tired" of you talking about it just message people here!. Thats what the site is all about!

Here's a link @Adrial posted its very informative!

[Fluffy]

@WCSDancer2010 thank you so much. I seriously feel better already. I'm still dreading my doctor saying the words to me tomorrow, but I'll come right back on this site as soon as I get home when I need some more support. I told my bf that he needs to get tested as well. If we both have the same type of herpes, do you know if it's okay to have unprotected sex or will it exacerbate symptoms and frequency of OBs?

As for helping symptoms, I just took a bath, but I have to do it in a big plastic container because my apt doesn't have a tub! It works really well though, I'm a little squished in there, but I feel so much better.

I'll try anything out as for condoms, thank you for the suggestion! You've definitely given me hope that I'll get over this grieving process soon. I want to just move on with my life in a happy way. Thank you again! <3

[Fluffy]

Hi @Willow!

That's some good advice. I'm breathing, and breathing again. I'm studying clinical psychology, you'd think I'd be able to implement some relaxation methods at the drop of a hat! But you've got me looking on the bright side, that's something I didn't expect myself doing tonight. I'll take a look at that link you sent too, anything and everything helps!

[fyrefenyx]

You are the 3rd/5th person in here that I can recollect in sharing that I too have HPV and HSV2 an estimated 80% of the population will have been diagnosed with HPB. They gave me a colposcopy and I havent had any problems with my cervix for about over a decade. Theres diff strands of HPV as there are of HSV. Though my HPV is inactive, my pap smears always show that Im positive for HPV

 

I caught HSV2 from my bf and he had no idea he had it and had been asymptomatic for a while. When he first showed symptoms we each tested for all HSV via Igg blood test: he tested positive I tested negative

 

I stayed with him and ended up catching it

 

It would be a good idea for your bf to get tested too. Your bf sounds very supportive of you and sounds like hes going to be there!

 

Remember you still have life ahead of you! This diagnosis may be a damper but it wont cause death. It is a possibility to have HSV1 and 2 The Igg test can determine if you have both strands and if your bf gets tested remember that he needs to specify he wants to be tested for hsv1&2

 

[Fluffy]

@tNd thank you!

 

I've just went to my OBGYN this morning and it's pretty obvious that I have HSV1/2 or both, but the official results will come back soon. Hopefully my HPV will stay dormant like yours, apparently most bodies are supposed to get rid of it after a certain period of time? It sure will be interesting the next time I have my pap smear.

 

My doc prescribed me Valtrex temporarily and said it looks like I've already start to heal. My bf came along to my appt. to support me, I know I'm lucky to have a guy like him. I've never been more sure than anything after this that he's the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. One positive thing is (besides most likely my diagnosis haah), this whole experience has brought us much closer and to a whole different level. I'm definitely worried though because he told me this morning he's also maybe experiencing some symptoms for the first time. I'm feeling guilty that I may have given it to him :( since we don't know who had it first I think if he's just experiencing symptoms after my OB that it was my fault and I don't want him to go through what I am. He's going to set up an appt soon., just like you said though.

 

This past week has sure been a ridiculous roller coaster, but after everything, you guys have made me see that I do still have a life ahead of me :) Thank you so much

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Fluffy

 

regarding HPV - you don't get rid of it but it goes dormant... but you can still pass it on. There are about 40 types of genital HPV - 2 cause warts, about 4-6 cause cervical or throat cancer...the rest don't seem to do anything.... the CDC reckons anyone who is at all sexually active will get at least one variety in their life :/

 

And honey - if you didn't know you had it, then don't beat yourself up if your BF got it from you ... if he's ok with it then just leave it be ... once you know you have it you need to be responsible about it, but until the CDC recommends that HSV be tested as part of the regular STD panels there will be a LOT of people like you who unwittingly pass it on to others :(