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Almost a year....and still angry


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So I'm new here... I've been dealing with this situation for almost a year now (will be in august). Back story : I found out I had herpes on my birthday because what I thought was a small rash escalated into the most painful thing I've ever experienced. So when I went to the Dr., her exact words were " Are you ok? Because this looks painful. BTW i see that its your birthday, happy birthday but I'm sorry to inform you that you have HERPES." Needless to say I dont feel the same about birthdays anymore because it's just a horrible reminder of how my life changed for the worst. I took a blood test that confirmed my fears and told the guy I was dating at the time that he had given it to me and he was reckless to do so. He found out he had it too after a blood test but apparently he had no idea he had it because they were no symptoms. I didn't believe him with what I knew then about herpes but because of the embarrassment we decide to have a relationship that lasted 10 months before I found out he cheated. Since then I've been single and down about my future. I haven't told anyone besides my mom and my two best friends and personally I don't plan on telling anyone else. I apologize beforehand but this is not some minor skin condition as I've heard people describe it. It's an contagious STD with risks and consequences that one has to deal with for the rest of their lives! I applaud those who get over and lead "normal" lives but in my mind, my ex destroyed a part of my life with his carelessness and now I have to pay the price.

 

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Not exactly a birthday present anyone ever wants to get, is it? Happy Birthday, now here's a blister and prodome to go with the balloons and cake. That's why I don't schedule doctor's visits on my birthday.

 

You don't want to celebrate birthdays because of a skin condition? Really? Think about all the good things that birthday's celebrate. Another year of life. Another chance to get things right. An opportunity to make this the best year of your life. Look at the positive side of things; you'll fall back in love with every aspect of your life.

 

Yeah, it's a contagious skin condition. Lots of things are contagious. The common cold. The flu. Disco fever.

 

Life is one big risk. That's all it is. Around every corner there are risks and opportunities. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But, if you stop turning corners in your life, you'll stay on the same street forever, and, well, that's just boring, isn't it?

 

Yes, your ex should have told you. But, you and your ex should have gotten tested before you had sex. A lot of people are assymptomatic and that's how this li'l virus spreads so quickly. In fact, most of the people on this forum got it from people who didn't know they had it. So, you're far from alone, and yes, it is possible to lead a normal, healthy life with this virus without having to live in fear of it. Is it easy? No, and it can be rather hard at times. It can hurt emotionally and physically; but it's a part of us now and we have a choice. You can choose to hang your head in shame, curl up in a ball, and let life pass you by. OR, you can look in the mirror and decide that you are still the same beautiful woman you were before, with the same hopes, dreams, and goals...and get out there and take life by the horns and not let this pesky little skin condition defeat you.

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Hi ded _jada,

 

ok i understand your anger, i understand it so well!!!!!!! I was angry so long time and sometimes i am still angry about this fucking Herpes Virus ( was fucking angry 1 week ago because i got an OB).Ok,so you dont think that this is only a skin condition , well it is but I know its a really annoying virus....its sometimes so fucking annoying !!!!!!!

But But But But its get better , you will learn to accept H but this needs time, i needed so much time .......and to be honest i am not completely over it but i am so much better now.

Let it go, dont let your anger of this guy or fucking Herpes destroy your live.

Try to make a little step from today on , try to be friend with Herpes, let the Virus teach you.

Sure I would prefer that I dont have it but H showed me a healthier live....I even bought a juicer today...to make my own Juice. I guess i would never would had bought something like that if I didnt would have H and i would not had informed myself about all this healthy Food livestyle stuff ( even i ade before a lot of veggies )

Cant wait to prepare tommorow my first selfmade Juice and kick Herpes in the fucking arse ..hheheheheheh .

Well i know you have a really heavy time but you will realice it get better but you Need to be Patient....you will be better at one Point.

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@HERRY. I didn't say anything about not celebrating my birthday anymore but its definitely not as big of a joyous occasion as it used to be because its just a reminder which sometimes leads to depression. Two, I was tested before I met this person and I get it regularly blood and swabs and he said he had got it too but clearly he didnt take a blood test or else he would have known dont you think? So the only mistake I made was trusting him with my life, something I know now that will not be an easy thing for someone to gain from me again. What I don't understand is that with or without a condom it can still be passed, sometimes u have symptoms sometimes u dont or not at all ??? Then its not even apart of common std testing YET supposedly a ton of ppl have it? Im sorry but that doesnt encourage me in the least.

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Thank you @Judith. Patience is a virtue that I'm trying to work on. Yes, I know I shouldn't be so angry but I am, more like enraged. I thought 12 months would be enough time but it just continues to add frustration for me even after I've changed my diet and taken this pills, which btw was one of the most hardest things Ive done : going to the pharamacy to pick up Valtrex when everyone knows what its for.

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http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3183/new-video-herpes-facts#Item_7

@jded_jada !

First... valtrex is isnt just used to treat herpes, its also used to treat chicken pocks and shingles (herpes zortex) the pharmasist doesnt always know exactly what its for, for u personally, they do know its to help treat viruses. Dont feel embarrased!

2nd - have you seen @Adrial 's video? Very helpfull for me, and it lifted my spirits...

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You're right, a lot of people don't know they have it because they've never been tested for it. Most people assume it's included in a full panel test, but it's not. Further, doctors don't usually recommend it. Why? Well, it's not life threatening for one. And, two, the diagnosis if positive can be devastating. It doesn't make sense, does it? I agree.

 

And, yes, it can be passed even if using condoms. That's how I got it. Sucks, but that's the way it is. HPV can also be passed the same way.

 

You should keep your chin up. I know it's hard now, but you've got a lot people here supporting you. We've been where you are now; I'll promise you nothing other than if you keep walking forward, it does get easier, and eventually, you won't even think about it.

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@jded_jada

 

First - welcome! I hope that you can find some peace here .... as a 35+ year veteran of H, I can promise you your life is FAR from over. ;)

 

he said he had got it too but clearly he didnt take a blood test or else he would have known dont you think? So the only mistake I made was trusting him with my life, something I know now that will not be an easy thing for someone to gain from me again. What I don't understand is that with or without a condom it can still be passed, sometimes u have symptoms sometimes u dont or not at all ??? Then its not even apart of common std testing YET supposedly a ton of ppl have it? Im sorry but that doesnt encourage me in the least.

 

Odds are he *thought* he was tested. Most people don't know to ask for the test and assume it's part of the panel ... and most Dr's call your results to you only if you have a positive result nowadays, so you don't even see what you actually got tested for (I tell people for ANY test/blood work to insist on getting a printed copy of the results)

 

Yes - condoms don't completely protect you - they only cover the penis - not the testicles/crotch/etc where H can also be found. And you can get HPV with a condom too... the CDC reckons any sexually active person will get HPV (one of the 40+ varieties, most of which are harmless) at least once in their life.

 

And yes, there is a thing called asymptomatic shedding - meaning you can pass the virus on when you have no visible symptoms (just as you can pass a cold/flu on before you know you have it). We have handouts and an e-book on here that explain things as well as the video that @Willow posted.

 

And yeah, the CDC needs a good slap upside the head ... we're working on it over here to get things changed but we have a lot of projects on board and that is just one of them. Education is also critical to get people informed so the stigma is reduced and to get people to ask for the test... support is needed for those who are recently diagnosed. We'll get there...it just won't be overnight.

 

I know you can't see the possibility that Herpes is a "skin condition in an inconvenient place" right now. That's ok. You are new to this .... 9 months isn't much time in the grand scheme of life, even tho it seems like forever right now. But do what you can to release the anger....it will only eat at you and won't help you to deal with H. Herpes LOVES stress and upset ... learning to let go of anger and reduce stress is one of MANY lessons you can learn from Herpes if you are willing to listen to it.... As @Judith said, healthy living/lifestyles help you to fight it off too ... so that's another place it can help you to change your life. And H can act as your Wingman ... we are having sooooo many Successful Disclosure stories of people who have traditionally made poor choices in partners who have learned to let H help them to slow down the "getting to know you" part of dating so that they can judge better whether that person is someone who DESERVES to be in their life. The list goes on and on of the stories we hear on here of people who have BETTERED their life and themselves after Herpes. Crazy, I know, but true.

 

Keep coming on here...read, ask questions, vent ... whatever you need to do to work through the emotions and feelings you have now. That's what we are here for ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

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So UPDATE:

I decided to be so bold and attempt this disclosure thing to a guy I was really into. He had brought up flirting and some sexual advances and when he realized I didn't respond to them he got concerned. So he asked me what was going on whether I liked him or not and I flat out told him my situation, what i had been thru and what i was dealing with. He answered by saying it must have been really hard to tell him that and he didnt know how the intimacy thing would happened but he thought I was a cool person and wanted to continue talking to me. First let me say telling him made me feel like someone had outed me and after I told him he didnt ask any questions about herpes facts or whatever. That was two weeks ago..... since then he barely txts me n never calls me. If anything he asks hows ur day going n that would be it. I feel like if he knew he was uncomfortable why tell me you want to continue talking bc he can barely do that. I told myself he must be busy bc he is moving frm OKC to here but now I feel like he has lost interest in me ..... its a hard pill to swallow. So yea this was what I was afraid of...rejection.

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@jded_jada

 

Honey - go back and re-read the "Herpes as your Wing Man" post.... this guy wasn't into you ... he just wanted to get INTO you ... can't you see that?

 

And people can be stupid at times when they don't know what to say. Ask anyone with Cancer. Or who lost a child. Often their friends will avoid them because they don't know what to say .... they feel awkward, embarrassed, etc so rather than have to deal with it they avoid you. This isn't about you, nor is it about Herpes ... it's about a guy who was given info that he likely is terribly misinformed about (if he's informed at all) who, rather than take the time to get educated, chose to walk. That tells me that, as the book says.... He just isn't that into you.....

 

Here are some links about rejection. Rejection is a powerful emotion... but it's a very primitive one that is designed to get us to behave in certain ways in order to maintain our social status and bonds. When you realize this ... that it is just an emotion (and one that is automatic at that) you can learn to see that you can choose to not let it run your life.

 

http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3 (adrial)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/ten-surprising-facts-about-rejection

 

(((HUGS))) ...

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