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got a new partner but didnt tell her I got herpes

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i met this lovely lady online we've had sex over 10 times.. I am a lesbian with hsv1-oral of the genitals though I refuse to take the medication if I have outbreaks I feel them.. EVERYDAY... she gives me oral but shes in good health do you think she will catch it? then she kisses me can it move to my mouth also?

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Well, you should tell her. That's the right thing to do, and tough love, you should have told her before you got intimate.


Additionally, what about other STD's? If you haven't gotten the paperwork and shared it with each other, well, in the era of HIV that's just not a good idea. Everyone likes sex; no one likes dying for the pleasure.


HSV1 is extremely common. Almost 80% of Americans over 30 have it. Can she catch it by giving you oral? Yes, she can. Especially if you're having outbreaks. You need to tell her.


Can she "move it to your mouth", no. You've had an established infection for a while and there's a very, very, very small chance she could do that.

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Ok - Forum Mom jumping in here.


You say you refuse to take the meds and it sounds like you have not told her of your HSV1Genital ... and it sounds like you think you know when you are having OBs so you may be assuming that you can "protect" her and so you don't need to tell her.


So here's the deal. You can be asymptomatically shedding the virus 3-5% of the time ... not alot, but it means there IS a risk factor for her to get HSV1 orally. Now, there's also a good chance she already has it ... 80% of people have HSV1. But that's no excuse to not tell her - people are entitled to a CHOICE of whether they are ok with the risk or not.


ANd honey, if she is messing around with you, and she found you online, there's a good chance she's done it before ... have you not learned your lesson with Herpes??? Sure - if you are only getting/giving oral your risks are low, but if things get into more physical areas there's always a chance that SHE has something herself.


Be smart my friend ... no excuses. Talk to her and let her know that you want to have honesty and that includes sharing STD status...



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I have five steadfast rules in life. I find they help me navigate difficult situations and keep me a little bit safer.


1. I don't date women named Candi, Bambi, or Jessica. Bad, bad juju for me.

2. Married women are off-limits. I don't care how unsupportive, unloving, or unattentive their husbands are. There's a God and I have a strong aversion to lightning.

3. I don't eat organs, anything with tentacles, or anything that still has eyes in its head when it is brought to the table.

4. Never date someone you meet off Craigslist. That's like the Flea Market of dating sites. Dating off Craigslist is like buying a used car from a guy named "Slick Willy."

5. Can't really remember this one, but I do remember it involves vodka, midgets, and swings.


So, follow those rules. They're rules you'll live by. 36 years old and they haven't failed me yet.

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  • 5 months later...

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