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Rogue1313

First Herpes Disclosure Was A Success. I Can Breathe Now.

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I was diagnosed eight months ago and last week I disclosed my positive status for the first time. After taking some time off dating an reflecting on myself and what it is I truly want from a partner and from a relationship, I decided I was ready to take myself out for a spin to test the waters and see what sex would be like now.

 

The guy is one I've known since grade school. He's always had a thing for me, and I decided I wanted to disclose to someone I trusted and would first empathize with me. (Maybe I'm cheating and should have gone with a man I didn't know so well, but hey, to each their own.)

 

When I told him the story, we discussed how the virus specifically effects me. I am outbreak-free since my first one, and I let him know that I take really good care of my immune system, take anti-viral meds and wanted to use protection so that his risk is as close to zero as I can get it. I let him digest the information before deciding if we wanted to take the risk, but before he did that his reaction was very loving and supportive. He told me he was sorry that it happened to me, and was incredibly mature in assessing risk in ANY sexual encounter herpes or not. He also reinforced the idea that this will only serve me well in finding someone to spend my life with, because it means I will find real love.

 

A day later, he let me know he was all in, and told me that it didn't even matter to him, that for him, all he saw was someone he felt was so beautiful that any risk was worth the reward of being with me. He said that I was not herpes, I was ME, and after a little date night, he slept over and we had such a great night because of all the honesty and openness between us.

 

This whole experience served a specific purpose for me, even if it wasn't intended to be a relationship-building one, (who knows that the future has in store, he is such a great friend and person) it was meant to ease me into the idea of sex as a positive experience. To show myself that even though I have this, someone still finds ME irresistibly sexy and that my fears are unwarranted, even if valid. I don't think he will ever really know what a profound impact he had on me moving forward. I have a little anxiety still, but only because I am so afraid to transmit it to someone. I must admit, the fear of him getting it from me even though we were safe terrifies me. I guess that might always be there. That's how I chose my username, "ROGUE" as in x-men Rogue, afraid to touch people in fear of harming them.

 

Now, I feel confident in the future knowing that if someone can feel that way about me, then so can others. I intend to only save sex for a serious relationship now, because I know I am ready to love myself and find people who will treat me with respect. THANK YOU to all of you out there for your inspirational stories and for being a part of a community that will help everyone involved heal. I know I my wounds are now scars because of you! I wish you all the same experiences.

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Hey Rogue, such a beautiful story and I'm happy for you. It's always heartwarming when someone finds true love.

 

Ooops. Did I say that out loud? Yes, yes I did. My advice to you: You've found the guy you love, you just didn't realize it. A best friend? Someone who makes you feel special? Someone who you enjoy laughing, loving, and spending time with? Someone who trusts and supports you?

 

Girl, the man of your dreams is right in front of you. Move forward with him and see where this leads. It just might be the most amazing relationship of your life.

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@Rogue1313

 

Sounds like time for a name change ;)

 

Whether it's love or just someone who is here to give you a life lesson, this guy sounds like a special person.... good for him for understanding and "loving" you exactly as you are ... even if it was for just one night.

 

And BTW, that wasn't cheating - first disclosure should be with someone you feel you can trust with your "heart" - not because you want love, but because you need someone who will be empathetic and love YOU even if they choose to not have sex with you.

 

Thank you for sharing this ... especially for those who are not necessarily looking for a "committed" relationship just yet....

 

(((HUGS)))

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@rogue1313 - I know this thread is old but I have to say, as someone who's recently diagnosed, unaware of who exposed me, and have to tell my boyfriend/love of my life tomorrow that I have herpes, this is really encouraging.

 

This part of your story touched my heart so deeply "he let me know he was all in, and told me that it didn't even matter to him, that for him, all he saw was someone he felt was so beautiful that any risk was worth the reward of being with me. He said that I was not herpes, I was ME, and after a little date night, he slept over and we had such a great night because of all the honesty and openness between us."

 

I know that I cannot control how my boyfriend reacts to the news, but knowing his heart, I am cautiously optimistic that he will respond similarly to how your guy did. Thank you so much for sharing. In a time when I'm terrified, anxious, and emotional, this was just what I needed to read.

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