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New guy here


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Trying to stay positive, which I do pretty well. Even in the face of Herpes on the doctor panel that I received. My ex GF didn't know she had it and passed it on as far as I can tell. Really makes no difference if I'm moving forward. I actually tested negative once when I had a small red deal that healed wierd, not like a zit or something. I got a physical and the doc said she'll test for HSV2. Negative. 6 months later, I spend an entire day moving all my stuff and my bro's stuff into our new house. I was physically destroyed, and didn't sleep much, etc etc. Woke up with blisters. One of which turned into the open sore, pretty big and scary looking.

 

I didn't need a doc to tell me what it was. A month or so after it cleared up I was at the doc and got a test done. Positive HSV2. That would have been right before Valentine's Day, (of course.) Pretty rough time all around. I was motivated to try for a new girlfriend, and had a new area and new house. I'm not great at approaching women, and can be shy and nervous. So this is just one more thing that sets me back. In spite of it, I decided to get on a dating site and met a girl who I liked.

 

After a couple dates she slept over and I had planned to tell her that night. It got to her having no shirt on pretty fast and I stopped everything and laid it out. I know, great timing. Anyway, she didn't leave or whatever but there sure as hell wasn't going to be any sex that night. She came over a couple more times and we fooled around and stuff. Then it went to cold text and no texts. Pretty devastating there too.

 

All that passed and I figured since I eat pretty healthy and my immune system is good I probably won't really have to deal with this much. Had to get really run down to get an OB, and I may have had this for up to 2 years previously without knowing.

 

So I've been leaning out a bit, tired of being over 20% BF. I lift weights so it's great for that, but not for looks. The danger zone is when I cut cals and I know it. It's the only time I get sick. I drink beer every weekend and caffeine daily, and really don't experience any problems.

 

So here is my 2nd OB. Almost 4 months to the day of my first. It was not minor either. I saw it coming and got on the Valtrex quick. The blisters haven't advanced or anything so it will probably not last a month like last time, or be as bad. But damn if it doesn't drive me straight into feeling bad. I'm already run down from the cal deficit, then this just smashes what life I had in me.

 

My biggest concern is how to get a partner. I am basically thinking I'm stuck to dating sites that center around HSV. Which maybe that's not so bad. But I have been offered to meet friends of friends and I just don't know how to go about that. I can't see myself disclosing this to people. The only people that know are my doc and that girl.

 

Feels good to be able to be among people who know this pain though. Thanks for letting me bend your ear. :)

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Also, it seems like everyone around me is all about sex sex sex. I can't stand it. First of all, I've never been that way. I am stupidly faithful, and want a traditional marriage. I fin d myself not wanting to be around these people anymore. Their stories about dating sites and hooking up really drag me down for some reason.

 

Also, I was surprised how strong that first OB was. I was literally laying in bed thinking, now I know why they say "flu like symptoms." My whole pelvis area was throbbing.

 

This time, I felt it coming on a day or so before. Textbook Tingling in the nerves around my left leg. So far, I've put aloe with powdered Vit C on it. Seems to help. I experimented a lot my first time around. Baby powder was great once the blisters were broken. But I kept the later ones from breaking by using the Aloe and Vit C.

 

Also started juicing. Anytime I get sick I can get better in a couple days with juicing. Seems to be working here too. This OB is fading fast on day 2.

 

Sorry, just random thoughts after the post.

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Hey new guy!

Thought i'd let ya know, there are lots of people who are healthy, eat right, excercise, and still get an ob everyonce in a while, good to hear your 2nd ob isnt as bad as ur first.

as for the girl, she prob only wanted sex, and didnt think of it as a passionate expression, rather than a lustfull one. But dont beat yourself up for it, goes to show u that she isnt the right gal for u .. (thank u herpes!?)

You WILL find soomeone, dont give up, but at the same time you dont neccesarily need to give in to just h sites to find someone, ive read about alot of h+ ppl on this forrum having a great relationship with h- ppl.

xox

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It just seems like a stretch that anyone will be accepting of it. And I would feel horrible if I gave it to someone. I mean, truth is it's pretty sissy overall. Yeah it hurts a little, but mainly it's a big shot to my pride, and the stigma surrounding it is where the damage is. Physically, it's really no big deal at least in my case. Baby powder kept everything pretty mild.

 

I do see the point of view that I am now forced to pursue deeper relationships and H acts like a filter. Right now I can't think of anything I can share with someone that's more intimate for me.

 

Gotta stay positive I guess. (pun intended.)

 

Thanks for the kind words Willow

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Your very welcome! On a side note...

If it makes u feel better, or lessons your worries, a couple weeks ago i explained to a new friend of mine about the confusing situation im in, ( one test hsv2+ another said hsv2-) and her litteral words were

" so what? My mom was born with it and didnt pass it to myself or my sibblings! Its sooo common! At least u know u might have it, alot of ppl live life thinking they dont!"

Then her bf chimed in and said " are you serious? ... u gotta be joking me! I have at least 3 good close friends who have it, its not a big deal for them, dont let ot bother you, and it wont bother others... "

 

Dont get me wrong, if i have it i am worried about transmission to another guy, but with healthy habbits, condoms and antivirals i know the risk is lowered!

 

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@StrongAndHealthy I'm glad you found this site! I just wanted you to know that you will find someone who will accept you. My boyfriend doesn't have it and he doesn't care that I have HSV2. When someone loves you, it won't matter. Trust me.

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@StrongAndHealthy

 

Also, it seems like everyone around me is all about sex sex sex.

 

LOL - I've been having this conversation with so many people .... I'm in my 50's and I mentioned to a young (late 20's) friend at work that guys seem to have to start asking sexual questions or making sexual comments within one or two days of meeting online before we've even met and I'm starting to find it a turn-off ... and she said "So they don't change???" . Yeah. Most don't. So it's a breath of fresh air to hear from a guy who isn't about all that. And you know what... some girl will really appreciate that too ;)

 

So here's the deal. You CAN find a H- partner ... and you *may* find a H+ partner. As @Willow said - so many people know many friends with this. AND there will be those who know nothing and are ignorant. And some of those will run. And that's not about YOU - it's about their deal breakers, because really, H is just another deal breaker. I can't run fast enough if someone has young kids or smokes. They could be a Johnny Depp look alike with the money to match and I'd pass on them. No different with Herpes ... some people are willing to accept it and some are not. That's all.

 

I am totally "out" of the closet - including on my dating profiles on POF and OKCupid... yup - I put my disclosure right on them. And you know what? I still get a handful of inquiries every week. Most are not working for me but many have at least been very kind in their comments and some have asked to be educated. AND, I have a guy right now who is very actively pursuing me (I like him but I've learned to not get over excited about on-line dates until I've got to know them a bit better) .... and he has already let me know he's not worried about it.

 

I'm going to give you a bunch of links to some success stories on here ... we've had some really amazing stories of love and even casual sex partnerships on here... as well as my blog about Herpes being your Wingman and a few other links that I think may help you to see things in a different light ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/im-out-of-the-herpes-closet

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

Successful Disclosures

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2789/about-to-have-the-herpes-talk Empowered 74

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2879/rekindling-an-old-flame Valkyrie

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3021/successful-herpes-disclosure Starsinhereyes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said- thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

 

 

When to have the H talk Adrial:

 

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Those are encouraging words. Thank you guys. Sometimes I feel buried in this disease and other times I forget it's there. Guess I'm just getting used to it.

 

I trolled this forum a lot when I wasn't sure if I had it, and then when I was. I decided to join so the community can grow and I can contribute and maybe help some others out.

 

A community I have lifetime membership in now. :)

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