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    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

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First off id like to say what a wonderful site this is, to find and help and to support others with the same condition.


I'm 20 years old and have only been in monogamous relationships, used protection, and been very wary about my partners.


I just started dating a man whom I've know for ages, we confessed our love and our relationship began. We discussed our sexual history and our health — both of us had a clean bill of health, or so we thought.


Our relationship was going great until last week, I complained of soreness and tenderness to him, which i thought was normal after a couple rounds of "fun-time," so I ignored it and carried on with my day. The next day I developed bumps and sores downstairs. We both went to an emergency clinic and saw a doc, I was told the bumps were from shaving and i Just had a bad yeast infection. I was so relieved for that moment in time.


As the days went on walking, going to the bathroom, even sitting was very painful. I felt sick and I couldn't bring myself to eat. I knew something still wasn't right!


So today after days of worrying, sleepless nights and swollen eyes I finally got into see my GYNO. One look and she knew.


I have told my partner, he claims he still wants to see me and that he loves me. My mother is being very supportive and is helping me through. I haven't told my father due to his stresses with work, I don't want to add to it.


I've cried, I've been angry, I honestly think I've been through every emotion in the book this past week. I've contemplated killing myself (yes I know thats a terrible and selfish idea, but i could never go through with it anyways)


But right now I'm ok, I just wanted to know how everyone else felt when they first found out, like when does life start again, when did you start to feel ok again, happy again?


I'm worried about future relationships and my career, I work as a model and actress and having outbreaks would not make me feel very pretty and confident. I worry about my boyfriend and I not working out and then I will have to start dating again and I don't want potential mates to think I'm gross when I tell them. I feel I will never be loved the same way as before. I don't feel clean anymore.


did anyone else feel this way?

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I think your feeling all the typical feelings we all felt at the beginning! It does get better with time.


I have learned thru this that u need to be happy with yourself. Please don't have your happiness and self esteeme be defined by whether or not a guy will love you. When I started dating me ex I had known I had h fr 2 months and I never really had worked on accepting myself. Then I met him and it was like I could forget about it because he didn't care. We were together for 3.5 years and just broke up less then a month ago. When we broke up it was 100x worse because of my herpes. It only made it worse because I never took the time to accept myself before our relationship. So just please work on accepting yourself.


You will be okay. You can still enjoy all life has to offer. Kids, a career, love marriage. Herpes is not what defines you!


Stay positive, get educated, join other support groups, talk to a therapist if u need to.

I promise it will get better <3.


And no you're not disgusting. That's just the social stigma you had engrained in yourself telling you that.

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Yeah..I remember all those feelings too...and they do pass. Herpes will take more of a back seat (except sometimes when you have an episode but they become less and less and are a sign all is not right in your life and then they are a nudge to get in balance again).


Don't stress about the future, just enjoy life. You are clean, there is nothing dirty about herpes ... and other people are less grossed out than you think. I chose to be with a man after he disclosed (I already had HPV) so we shared our little viruses and I happened to catch his. We ended it but are still friends and keep in touch (herpes is only one reason people break up!).


I'm not dating right now, even though i get a lot of attention from men... herpes or no herpes, I haven't found anyone I want to date for a while. In the meantime I am getting on with life and having fun, learning new things and working on myself to be the best I can be...Herpes seems to stay asleep when I do that :-)


Yeah I get sad sometimes...but its not as bad and passes quickly. It's hard telling a date I have the two Hs but his reaction tells me if he is worthy or not so look at it like a little insurance policy in the future if you need it - it weeds out the guys who aren't worth having anyway.


It's great you found us...anytime you need to vent just post and we are here :-) Believe me it gets better and if you choose your thoughts and words wisely (ditch the negatives and the judgements of yourself and herpes) you will find herpes is just a small part of your life. And in the meantime enjoy you relationship with your man :-)

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Hey Tankgirl,


First, I want to normalize feeling suicidal. AND I don't want to take that lightly. Please call me ASAP if you EVER are thinking of doing anything to yourself. I'll private message you my direct cell phone number. It's just not worth it. It never is. Life is filled with things we could choose to be suicidal about. And living life is filled with just as much beauty as pain. Without the pain, we can't truly feel the beauty. It's so true. Please don't kill yourself. It'll be taking away a beautiful, unique human being off this earth for no good reason at all.


Now that that's said, know that feeling all these feelings is a part of your healing process. Yes, your life changed when you got herpes. But it hasn't changed for the worst. It's just going to be different. Even if you and your boyfriend end up splitting up, you will be perfectly okay. Just like most things in life, it's all in how you relate to it. If you believe it's horrible, then it will be horrible. If you believe it's just a simple skin condition that you deal with every now and again, that's all it will be, too. Your beliefs can create self-fulfilling prophecies. What kind of beliefs do you have about yourself now that aren't helping you at all?


You will feel happy again once you accept life for what it is instead of what it SHOULD be. A lot of suffering is expecting life to be something that it isn't right now. The more we can sink into what is, the more beautiful life becomes. I promise you that.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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