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Just had the herpes talk.... Now I feel confused

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Hi all! I'm new here, I just got diagnosed with gHSV1 today - quite the shock considering I'm only 18 and haven't had many sexual partners, but what can you do. I guess I've accepted there's nothing I can do but deal with it ;)


I had to have the scary talk twice today - I had to tell the guy who I believe gave it to me (I just told him it might be an idea to get tested, and he was so grateful I told him) and the guy I'm currently seeing.


When I first told the guy I'm currently seeing he was like 'That's not a big deal... It's fine, don't worry about it, but I'll go to my doctor anyway just to check out the facts'. So I was relieved and the conversation went on with him being supportive and reassuring and I told him the transmission rates, some of the facts etc.


However at one point he said that he gets cold sores but it's 'not the same as herpes'. I kindly corrected him and he was like 'it's a low transmission rate and as long as you take your meds it should be fine....it's not like it's permanent'. Again, I made sure I told him while the outbreak will go and mostly stay dormant, the virus still stays forever - as is the same with cold sores!


Then he started to get worried. He said 'right I'm going to check it out with the doctor anyway, I'm a bit worried I'm not gonna lie but as long as I find out all the facts I'll be fine'. We left it at him telling me not to worry, thanking me for telling him and saying he'd talk to me again.


Has anyone else had a confusing disclosing experience? I feel so frustrated not knowing what's gonna happen and I really like him. I'm terrified his doctor might scare him and then he'll change his mind.


Some support or encouragement would be great right now :(


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Well, the guy you're seeing is a bit confused. And, it sounds like you might have gotten it from him. If he gave you oral sex, there's a good possibility of that. Of course, you could have gotten it from a previous boyfriend the same way.


If he already gets cold sores, he has nothing to worry about. He already has HSV1. It's that simple. He can't get it anywhere else on his body, even if you two have unprotected sex. And, he's kind of right. It's not permanent; it comes and goes, but it doesn't leave any permanent damage.


Has anyone else had a confusing, frustrating, scary disclosure experience? Almost every member of this forum has been there at least once.


Now, I'd suggest you get your current boyfriend onto this site. It's full of great information, and more knowledge about herpes than his doctor is going to have.

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Thanks for the reply. I got it from the previous guy via oral sex when he had a cold sore (silly me, I didn't even know it could happen).


Yeah, he was worried he could get it elsewhere if we did anything, but I didn't want to tell him anything for certain as obviously I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this and I'm still confused myself!


I offered to send him some of the information pages on here because they really helped me and explained more than my doctor did but he said 'nah it's ok'. I guess there's only so much I can offer to do and now I'll just have to wait and hope!

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First - Welcome to the forums :)


So I would print out the handouts and the e-book for him. And the odds are you actually got it from him if he gets coldsores ...esp as he is completely mis-guided about cold sores and doesn't realize they ARE Herpes 1 ... either way, at least if you both have H1 there isn't a worry about giving it to each other, no matter which guy you got it from.


BTW, half of the new Genital cases of herpes are HSV1 from oral sex, especially in the younger groups. And I got h2 at 17. You are FAR from alone in this my friend. I've had 2 daughters (and I'm a Grandma now!) ... had H2 for 35 yrs, H1 oral since I was 3. And I've had a great life. You can too. So don't buy into the stigma and anything your mind may try to come up negativity that Herpes has "ruined" your life. It's just a minor issue that you will have to work around..... that's all ...



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Hi @WCSDancer2010 - and thanks for the warm welcome!


I think I will send on the information, the handouts do a much better job of clarifying and I think it'll calm his head more.


I wish sex education was more thorough in talking about STDs, at least then I could've avoided this, but hey, can't turn back the hands of time. This is day 2 of knowing I have it and I'm coping relatively well even though the Valtrex is making me feel sick as a dog.


Thanks for your reassurance, it's so encouraging reading about all the success on here!


I'll try and keep this thread updated if he says anything more to me - so far nothing but as it's the weekend I'm not dwelling on it too much.



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My pills seem to be different than I've heard them described on here - mine are white with no dividing line down the middle and it doesn't say you can split them (they're 500MG each tablet and I have to take 2 a day for 10 days) - wonder if it would still be ok...?

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Hi HenrytheHerp,


sorry you said that people cant get HSV 1 on different kind of places, maybe I misunderstood, did I ???

Sure you can , usually the OB come on same place back but I have HSV 1since I am 10 on my mouth and I got it on my genitals too ,sure you can infect somebody on different places....nothing to worry but H can go to every kind of places of your body. Usually it don't but sometimes it do...at least from my experience I cant confirm that...I have it on both places. Sorry :(


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Yeah @Judith .. there are definitely some who end up with the same one on both places but from all the info I have found it's a much lower percentage of cases ... sadly there doesn't seem to be a Stat for the percentage of H1 genital that are folks that already have H1 oral .... but we are *told* it's "much less likely" that someone with coldsores will get H1 genital. That could change with further studies... I've seen a LOT of Herpes "facts" change in the past 35 years :p



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well I saw couple of people on that website with oral and genital herpes, so maybe its not likely but please use protection anyway.....I am sure you can get both, I am the prove, its not good to tell people that they don't need protection.i am not statistic WCDANCER , I am human ....I am here to listen and educate people..... and this is not right information

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Honey - we are ALL a statistic... we are all part of the 20% who have H2 or the 80% who have H1 ... and we have 1 or 2 who are in the 1% of those with H2Oral ... and we use statistics to help us get an idea of our risk factors....


Sadly we don't have numbers to give us the "risk factors" for someone to get H1 both Orally and Genitally .... most who do get it in both places got it at the same time ... BUT there are obviously a few like yourself who "break the rules" that the CDC and other trusted sites tell us ... that once you have the antibodies you are "meant" to not get it easily in the other area. I and others are only passing on the information as we understand it from those sites. However, I will quantify my future comments that it's unlikely that you can pass it on but not impossible and that you need to take that into consideration when it comes to using protection, ok?

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that fine wcdancer, at least people need to know that there is a possibility that they can get H in both areas and protection is always good :) there are worse things then Herpes we need to think about. Wish you all a wonderful, sunny and hopefully herpes free day.

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