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Don't know who gave me herpes or when? How many disclosures should I make? How far back do I go?


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Its prob the right thing to do to at least tell the recent ex, i think thats your decision though, maybe think about the eces situation, if it was months ago sure, but if it was 5 or so yrs ago..... i personally wouldnt...

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At least tell your most recent partner.

The way I went about it, is I went as far back as the last partner I had a lot of long term sex with. My reasoning was that if I had it before then, I would have more than likely passed it along to him since we had sex 3 times a week or so for 7 months. Plus, with me being stressed out all the time, I would have passed it to that guy had I had it before then. He was negative so I know it was after him.

How far you go back is up to you. What a doctor told me made sense. She told me that we will never know exactly who gave it to whom, and asking around won't do a whole lot.

It can give you peace of mind in some ways, but don't destroy yourself over making a timeline.

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@Misskelly

 

My reasoning was that if I had it before then, I would have more than likely passed it along to him since we had sex 3 times a week or so for 7 months. Plus, with me being stressed out all the time, I would have passed it to that guy had I had it before then. He was negative so I know it was after him.

 

Well, just to clarify, this is not true. I have several stories of people who were married for 25-30 years before their first OB or who knew they had it, and their partner never got it and they were not on meds. That's the fickle thing about H ... it can hide VERY well when it wants to (or when you have a great immune system!) and you never know what will suddenly trigger it to come out. One client was just doing the preps for a big party ... stressful but nothing hugely life altering and she likely had had MUCH more stressful things going on in her life in the 30 yrs she'd had Herpes ....

 

@Fern

 

What you may want to do is go back one at a time ,,, ask them to get tested. If you hit one who has it, you can *assume* it was them. Now it's entirely possible it was before them or you gave it to them, but at that point you have at least tried.... and after that, its up to you if you have anyone that you are at least fond enough of that you would want them to get tested for their own knowledge ... if you want to educate any past partners, then I would go to them and use this as a segue to making sure their SDT knowledge is up to date...

 

(((HUGS)))

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The thing is, my immune system is NOT great. At the time I was taking stressful classes, was having issues at home and work, money problems, etc.

I even had another time when I broke out into 80 small stress rashes over being stressed. If I had it then, it more than likely would have appeared.

Without meds now, if I even do so much as cut myself shaving I breakout or if I am even mildly stressed around midterms it comes out.

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Statistics say that you would have more than likely gotten it from your most recent partner, however, herpes is dumb and could have been siting in your body a quite awhile without making an appearance. Herpes has no rules. I have had one outbreak since my very mild initial outbreak. I've been stressed, eaten all the "wrong" foods, skipped on sleep and wasn't taking suppressive meds right away. Not even a single symptom. Triggers are different for everyone.

 

I would tell your most recent partner for now and kind of let your feelings sort themselves out from there as far as telling anyone further. 7 months is a pretty good amount of time to become H+, let the virus incubate, then show up. I would be inclined to believe it was your most recent partner.

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