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Advice on the herpes talk

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Well, I've been dreading the day I would have to have the talk with someone, and that day is fast approaching. I was diagnosed in January with H2, and since then I've pretty much kissed my sexlife goodbye. I didn't tell any previous partners. I was and still am completely asymptomatic, and I don't know who I got it from or who I could have given it to.


I was just informed recently by my last partner (who moved across the country in December) that he's coming back to my neck of the woods for a visit in a month or so. What started as a one night stand has since progressed into something deeper (I think?). He's kept in touch with me since he left, says he misses me, sends me pictures, surprises me with random phone calls, etc. All the mushy crap aside, I don't know him THAT well. I do like him, and it seems as though he likes me as well, but I'm terrified of how he'll react when I actually find the courage to tell him. Will he be mad that I didn't tell him after I found out? Will he just automatically assume I gave it to him? Should I tell him before he gets here, or wait until I can talk to him face to face? I have so many questions and I'm completely overwhelmed. I wish I didn't have to tell him. I wish I never even got tested.


Really I just don't know what to do at this point. The chances of him and I starting an actual relationship are slim, as he is in the military and can't stay in one spot for too long. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to get tested and have to go through the same thing I went through after finding out. I can't help but think it would be so much easier for both of us if I just didn't say anything. But I know that's not the right thing to do. I just need advice from someone who understands. :/

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Hi I understand totally how you feel. I also got tested for no reason and ended up testing positive for HSV2. I've never had an outbreak either. At first it was really hard to believe but I've accepted it and moved on. Have no idea when or how I got it. That doesn't matter anyway. We have it. That's a fact. I'm in a committed relationship with a herpes negative man. He accepts and loves me. If you think there is a future then tell him, in person I think is best. If you don't see a future then maybe you could just practice disclosing with him. At some point you will have to disclose. Don't be hard on yourself, it will be ok. We have Genital Herpes, it's ok. It's not so terrible. Just have to get used to it.

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Hello, I struggled with this a lot when I found out I had HSV2 a few weeks ago. Ultimately, I thought about what I would want if one of my partners found out they had it. I would want them to tell me, so I could then get tested and prevent others from potentially getting it. And I would appreciate and respect them for their honesty. I told all of my recent partners, one of which is a woman I still love and probably always will. Telling her was very hard, but it was the right thing to do. She tested negative for it, which is the greatest gift I have ever received. We aren't together anymore, but when you really love someone, you care more about their health and happiness than anything else.

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*Tough Love Alert*


I can't help but think it would be so much easier for both of us if I just didn't say anything.


1) just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's right to not tell him


2) and NO, it's not going to be easier for him to not know. *IF* he is H+, don't you think he'd not want to pass it on. Yes, knowing would be a shock, be difficult at first. But he would rightly be more upset if he eventually learned that you knew there was a chance he had it and didn't tell him.


So - how and when to tell him? There's no perfect time... if you plan to just be friends, you may want to get on Skype and tell him face to face sooner rather than later. That way he can get tested ASAP and you may know his status when he comes home. I'll put some links about disclosing below to help you out...


And honey, your sex life isn't over. I promise. There are sooo many of us in truly loving relationships, many with H- partners. In fact, Herpes can help you find love... TRUE love, with someone who really respects you for YOU even with your imperfections....




When to have the H talk





http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )


Successful Disclosures

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2879/rekindling-an-old-flame Valkyrie

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3021/successful-herpes-disclosure Starsinhereyes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said- thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2921/met-a-new-guy-and-have-a-few-concerns-not-ready-to-tell-him-i-have-herpes-#Item_7 inspired 32

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3164/had-unprotected-sex-with-a-girl-who-has-genital-herpes-chance-of-infection (the other side of disclosure)


Herpes facts video


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@Yadira Thank you for understanding! I got tested because I had a yeast infection (never had one before and I'm known to have bouts of paranoia) and my doctor even thought it was weird that I asked for a herpes test. But I wanted peace of mind and just assumed the test would come back negative. Surprise! My plan backfired lol. There was a lot of anger, fear, depression, and anxiety at first but I've moved on from it and didn't even really think about it that much. Until now.


@myfiercecalm You're right, but I really just can't bring myself to tell them. Most of them I haven't talked to in a very long time. That's great that she was negative, I hope that if my guy gets tested, he's negative as well. I just hope he's not too mad that I didn't tell him right away.


@WCSDancer Thank you for your input. I know it's not right to withhold this from him. I know I have to tell him, but I'm just so nervous about it. I'm getting a second test done as soon as I can, because my first test didn't have numbers (I got to the bottom of it and it turns out my first test was "qualitative" instead of "quantitative") so it was just positive vs negative. I think I'll feel better with the reassurance of a second test. In the meantime, should I start taking my acyclovir just in case? That is IF he still wants to do the deed with me after he finds out..

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