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disclosed the truth, a week later it's like I'm history

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I recently met someone and we started talking for a few months. We currently live in different places, but I am from the same city as he is. Also, I'm going to move back there in a few months. Anyways, I thought I found an amazing guy. he texted daily, just sweet texts to see how I was doing.


Recently I came in town where he is for a week and we saw each other every day...up until one night when he and I both got kind of tipsy at a party, went to his place and we started making out and I told him my secret. Worst timing ever. We used protection, but next day he didn't text/call.


The day after he texted me asking if I actually told him I had "H" (clearly, we both were tipsy as he couldn't remember), after which I called him immediately and calmly explained to him what it is/that I am asymptomatic carrier/take meds/etc. I was so nervous during that call. Sweaty, nauseated. There were awkward pauses. I feel like he was taking it all in (he didn't know that much about it). He then texted me later that night appologizing for if he came off as insulting inquiring about my condition (which he didn't during our call). I said I understood him.


It's been several days and he didn't make any effort to see me before I went back to my city, nor text, nothing. I feel humiliated, rejected, every time I look at my phone I want to cry, I don't know if I should let it go or text him. Not sure if he is taking the time to digest it all (and I appologized to him for horrible timing of disclosure on my part), or if it's his way of just ending it all. I also don't want to text someone who will possibly just not respond or respond with rejection. Anxiety comes in waves over me and I just want to cry, I feel so hurt, powerless, stupid, and judged. I know it's stupid to wish I could take it all back but I can't. We only met a handful of times, and I ruined the "getting to know" each other process by putting this block on the road to that. I can only hope something outweighs "H" and he sees me for who I am.

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I know that it's tough to do, but try thinking of it this way: Many individuals who are sexually active and in the dating game have likely experienced the same type of confusion following the first sexual encounter. Prior to contracting herpes, I had experienced the whole, dating for a while, then slow fade after sex, thing. So it is not necessarily the fact that you disclosed that has him pulling back. And really, if it is the cause of his silence, does it matter? Is it any different than rejection due to any other reason?

And if it is because of your disclosure, it's almost better- I know that not all will see it this way, but I feel like that type of rejection is far less personal. You haven't done anything wrong and it has nothing to do with what type of person you are; he simply can't handle your medical history. It's no different than someone with crohns disease or diabetes or arthritis facing rejection because of their illness and the potential effects that it can have on intimate and/or romantic relationships.

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Thank you, bmt28, for your words of support and wisdom. It helps to think of it the way you described. Sometimes it's just hard to separate herpes from defining you as just a totally normal human being, but I feel that for most of us it's a work in progress. Rejection hurts, but it's better it happened sooner rather than later in the relationship when more emotions are involved.

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Hi Lulu,


As Dancer would say, he wasn't into you, he just wanted to get into you. There are a lot of guys (and gals) like that.


Did you do anything wrong? Nope. You disclosed (Granted, I think next time you should do it sans alcohol.) You used a condom. Were you on antivirals? Bonus points if you were.


BMT's right. It's no different than any of the plethora of reasons we get rejected or reject someone. I once rejected a girl because she had an unhealthy obsession with Disney. That's a good thing because sex with her was just goofy and I knew there was no way I'd ever measure up to Pinocchio when he got to fibbing.


Chalk this up to a learning experience. Next time, wait a little bit longer. Wait until you're sure it's going to be a relationship, not just a one night affair. You're worth more than a quick roll in the hay, and any guy who wants you for more than that, well, this li'l skin condition isn't going to bother him a bit.



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Hello and Welcome!


@Herry beat me to my favorite line for people in your circumstance.... AND, it's true. I know it may sound crazy right now but Herpes can act as your Wingman if you let it ... I'll add a link below that will explain just how it works ;)


And @bmt is right - there are sooo many reasons that these things fizzle out ... and herpes is just one of MANY deal breakers..... AND .. I'm expecting he's kicking himself for not being more "careful". It's a wake-up call and a life lesson for you BOTH ... What I would suggest would be that you text him and offer this website and the Disclosure handout to him to help him to understand Herpes... and then let him know that you want to support him in understanding it even if he chooses to not continue the relationship.


You had drunk sex ... alcohol has a way of making us do things that in the light of day were not perhaps the best idea. We have to learn from it and move on..... there's no other option ;)




Disclosure handout for him http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout




Understanding Rejection

http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3 (adrial)


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