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Diagnosed with herpes, Doing Okay, but looking for more guidance


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Hi everyone!

 

Well, I was diagnosed in early March of this year, and I contracted the virus on the 26th of February (I know it's exact, but that was the only person/& first time we'd been unprotected). I got really, really sick, and I was devastated -- prior to my diagnosis, I was a complete herpes-phobe, which is quite funny now that I think about how ironic everything has been. My partner was a lot older than myself (I'm 19, a junior in college) and he didn't know he had it -- he got tested and found out that he had antibodies for it and had contracted the virus some time ago.

 

Even though I know he didn't know, and I'm not promiscuous or anything like that, I'm still really disappointed. I've done a lot of research and I feel ALOT better than I did before, and I haven't had any outbreaks since my first one. I've told a few good friends here and there, and surprisingly none of them freaked out or had a crazy reaction, which I was thankful for. I also told my ex, who I was still in love with, and he was very supportive (surprised, but supportive). I guess I'm just wondering what happens now -- I'm scared that I won't find anyone to really accept it. I'm nervous about my sex life, and what unprotected sex looks like in committed relationships (I want to get married, and have kids, one day). I've made the decision to be abstinent and kind of just date myself for awhile, especially since I'm growing and maturing more into an adult at this point in my life. I would love if someone could give me some advice or let me in on some of their experiences.

 

I'm really thankful I found this site!

Thank you,

ambitious85

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@ambitious85

 

First - Welcome! Glad you found us!

 

prior to my diagnosis, I was a complete herpes-phobe, which is quite funny now that I think about how ironic everything has been.

 

Life has a way of sending us the lessons we need my friend ;)

 

I guess I'm just wondering what happens now -- I'm scared that I won't find anyone to really accept it. I'm nervous about my sex life, and what unprotected sex looks like in committed relationships (I want to get married, and have kids, one day).

 

I'm here to tell you you can have it all.... especially with the knowledge we have now. I got it at 17 (but didn't know that the "rash" was H at the time) , got married, had kids, DID pass it to the ex but it was because 30 years ago they didn't have the understanding we do now of the disease), have since had Two 3-year relationships ... one where I took antivirals and one where I didn't (he didn't want me to) and neither got it from me. I am totally "out" including on all my dating profiles and I'm getting plenty of GOOD attention from men who actually appreciate my honesty and integrity with it all.

 

Your decision to be abstinent is probably a good one for you for now while you adjust to this situation and while you find and learn to love YOURSELF.... but do know that we have success stories of people on here almost every day who have found a partner (mostly H- BTW) who loves THEM and doesn't see H as a deal breaker (which is all it is for some ... no different than cigarettes, kids, or having a bat-shit crazy ex!).

 

I'm going to post links for you below to read/watch to help you get a better idea of the reality of H. In the end, it's really just a royal PITA sometimes and really not much more IF you choose to not let it run your life.... ;)

 

There's TONS of great stuff on here ... read as much as you can and ask any questions you have (although many have been answered ad nauseum on here ... you can use the search bar to find similar topics or look at the FAQ's section at the top of the Discussions page. We are here for you to help you through this period of adjustment and education :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3296/this-is-water-this-is-water- Choice

 

Herpes facts video
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