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I feel like an emotional roller coaster


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It's been a week and everyday I have moments of grief ,( if I feel anything down below , I wince) and it scares me and moments when I feel normal (when I'm to busy to think about it ) I can't even focus on things that I like . Make up or clothes or trying to get into school or life in general . And then sometimes I think I can control it and hide it and if I pass it to some one lie and say I never knew ( which is totally immoral yes but I can't help but think it ) I'm just being honest . I just found a great guy but I can't help that I will only ruin his life by being selfish . So I've been shying away but I just need some advice on how to go on from here . Denial is clearly not working because it's all I think about , I feel like herpes is tattooed to my forehead, I can't help it .

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Hi Jenn,

 

Rule #1: Love yourself before you try and love someone else.

 

We've all been there. Those early days of diagnosis are dark and bleak, and they eat at you. They hurt. They sting. They scare the bejebus out of you. It's overwhelming and it's easy to shut down. In fact, that's your body's alarm system and it freezes you up so that you do nothing. It's a self-preservation mechanism. It's normal, it's natural, and if you don't let it go on too long, it's healthy.

 

It's your body's way of saying slow down, time to reevaluate. You're gonna need to do that, but do it in a healthy, positive way.

 

Start by making a list. All the things you want out of life. Marriage? Kids? Home? Career? Travel? Mind blowing sex with the hottie in 4b? Whatever you want, put it on that list.

 

Then, take a look at it. Organize it. Put it in the order that you want each, and where each needs to go, i.e. application, education, graduation, career, spouse, da da da...

 

Ok, that's the first step. Those are your goals. Is herpes going to stop you from achieving them? Herpes won't stop you from applying to school. It won't stop you from putting make-up on. It won't stop you from flirting with the guy in 4b (although, all bets are off if he's got a girlfriend. :)

 

I'm willing to bet if you do what I just suggested, you'll start to see the cloud lift a little. Once you get that list done, start doing your H research. Read everything you can find. Stay active on this forum. Laugh a little. Smile a little. Hell, masturbate a little. You'll start to feel sexy all over again.

 

Now, a couple of notes of caution. First, never have sex with someone without disclosing. It'll be damned tempting to do that. Don't. You'll regret it; some people don't, but I can tell from what you wrote that it would eat at you. Why? Because you've got a kind, caring heart. Second, I promise you that the sexier and more attractive you feel inside, the more attractive this new guy in your life is going to find you. And, once he gets to know you, gets to see the real you, he's gonna be blown away and he's not going to care about the H.

 

And, when that time comes, and you're ready to take it to the next level with him, get on this forum. There are countless women and men here that will be willing to offer you guidance, advice, and support.

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I recently lost my job too and now that i found out i have h its made me want to get a new job faster .. i think its because i want to keep busy.. yesterday i cleaned all day lol. But maybe starting to do these things youve always wanted will help u realize u CAN do them... thats what im tellin myself.. i am hopin to start applying for some small local jobs in the next week or two.. and im gonna continue praying that my relationship doesnt wither away due to my new discovery... as crazy as this sounds ( cldnt believe i prayed this last night considering how depressed i am since finding out im h+) but last night layin beside my boyfriend i prayed and thanked God for giving me this virus. idk y i did but i asked him to let me turn this into a way to help other ppl... to use it to do good instead of wantin to crawl in a hole and die... it actually felt good to do that even though i still feel like balling when i look in the mirror. But it was a step that i needed to take... i didnt want to be h+ but i am and there isnt a magic wand to make it disappear so i guess i might as well deal with it and benefit from this lil sucker somehow.. idk how yet but i really believe God has a plan for me with this included... yall may not be religious and thats fine but it still applys... u have a purpose in this life and im sure its a great one... all the things that are happenin to us r goin to reap benefits somehow.. i believe that with all my heart... yes its still hard to swallow but i feel like someday ill look back and this will be somethin i can smile about... so keep on keepin on right.. go do what u always wanted...

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Slowly I am trying to realize I am still the same person . It's just hard to not be able to be truthfull to my best friend . It's hard not to tell her . But I'm scared at how she might look at me . She'll love me still but I kno she'll be thinking about it as much as me . It's. Just a virus yes I kno that . I too can't help but think it is what I deserve for not taking sex seriously . But I was trying hard to get it right and now I guess this is just my wingman . Lol I'm still keeping it a secret for now . I kno I'll let my mom know soon , but my friends. ... Idk about them . @rainyday5249 my obsession.has me scrolling threw these forums frequently, so. Feel free to write me when ever . I hope your in the USA , I'd love to talk on the phone one day (not soon I'm not a creep lol)! Just saying , it seems like we are the Bon the same page at the same time. ILife's not over but it is changed , greatly .

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Im scared to tell my best friend too.. it scares the crap outta me... and yes im in the usa... a little ol tennessee gal lol.

 

Life isnt over... we r both still young and have our whole life ahead of us.. but yes its changed drastically... but we can try to let it change for the better... i hope to still have kids . Ive wanted one so badly and have been trying for the past month but thats on hold now... but i aint given up.. kinda scary that ill have to have a c-section and it scares me of how my h is gonna react to me being pregnant but im leavin it in Gods hands. Im scared but im strong... haha jus thought of this ... we may not be army strong but were herpes strong... we gotta be one tough cookie to deal with that haha :)

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@Herry - Thanks for putting it in words that the early days are dark. It helps to know that it's ok. I've always been one to power through the pain of whatever curve ball comes my way, without ever really digesting. I've found that H, well H needs to be mindfully processed. There's no power through, you must go through the dark to get to the light. And thanks for the list idea! Love it :)

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@rainyday

 

kinda scary that ill have to have a c-section and it scares me of how my h is gonna react to me being pregnant but im leavin it in Gods hands.

 

Your risk of having a c-section is only slightly higher now ... the standard is to give you acyclovir for the last month to help suppress the OB's ... I was scared into having a Cesarean for my first but that was in the 80's before the internet and I had very little info to go on other what what the Dr said. I got educated before my next child and learned that not only could I have a vaginal birth with H, I could have one after having had the Cesarean (which the first Dr told me was not allowed) so I fought to change Dr's (I liked in the UK at the time and so you couldn't just walk into another Dr's office and switch that easily).... with the modern knowledge and such H isn't a huge factor in pregnancy any more - they will be far more concerned about things like diabetes and other imbalances that might hurt the baby than your H ... they will monitor it but it will just be one of MANY things they are monitoring ;)

 

And good for you for realizing that this maybe an opportunity to help others. I get immense fulfillment helping out on here .... knowing that I'm helping another to get through the "dark days" faster than most.

 

(((HUGS)))

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