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Avoidance is Bliss


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Just my thoughts...

This Herpes thing has really got ppl talking about life and how it goes on, how it gets better and yes success stories are everywhere. But sometimes...most of the time I do all I can to avoid talking to guys that approach me or if they show the slightest amount of interest I shut them down. I'm still a lil off n in a dark place after all this time, change is harder for some more than others. I feel like my dating life or whats left of it at the moment will be just me and herp bc anyone else would be a third wheel lol. I've seen all the videos blogs and stories but the truth is when I read some of these blogs I feel for these ppl who's whole mindset has been turned upside down like mine. Certain freedoms lost forever...."take these pills....you cant do this...you cant do that...remember even if you think you arent shedding you probably are and if you want to avoid spreading the virus completely just avoid sex all together bc hey condoms only cut down the percentage". You never know what you had until its gone. Reassuring to a degree until u realize the next step and knowing avoiding the talk wont last forever. Dating n making friends has its own struggles but to tell a guy that hey i got this are u able to handle it ?.... This will still make me feel separated....I can't wait for the day that I'm able to accept this and the new me but until then avoidance is bliss.

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You never know what you had until its gone.

 

Great life lesson there my friend.... now you just have to realize that what you lost isn't that much in the grand scheme of things. Just look at Amy Purdy - I'm sure she thought "Noone will love me now that I've lost my legs/feet" and "I'll never be able to dance at my wedding IF anyone pities me enough to marry me" ... yet look at all she has accomplished!

 

You have to love yourself my friend before you can ask someone else to love you ... so date YOU for awhile. I took 3 years off dating and it's the best thing I've ever done ... take time for YOU for awhile ....

 

(((HUGS)))

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From personal experience, some people ARE willing to take the risk, in the exact same way as you would take a risk if your friend said "no dont take a sip from my drink im getting over a cold!" ...

Seriously who hasnt?

Point being there are some people not wanting to risk anything.

As well as people will to risk EVERYTHING!!.

Chin up jded! Its a difficult mind set, but eventually your thoughts wont bring you down,

and the guys u avoid that aooroach u? Maybe deep down you know ur not ready to date, regardless of h, or maybe deep down u know they arent your type of person?.

I realized this just a week ago... i was turning guys down too, then i thought about it , its not because of h... theyre just not "redneck" enough for me! Lol.

 

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"A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

It's all about perspective. Life itself is perspective how we see and view things what we feel and do. Sure you may feel like your life is fouled up but that's how we all feel anytime something bad happens. We have the choice though... The choice of seeing this as an impossible obstacle or just another challenge. I too am transitioning on how I view life and how my perspective on life actually hindered my living.

 

Small story time... I was done planning done saving on a move across the United States to (Colorado) from Florida. A week before I was to leave I was diagnosed with multiple things. I let my anxiety my fear and pessimism take over my mind I thought life wasn't worth it and fell into depression spent a good portion of my moving finances. Mind you this was about a week ago (how fast life works sometimes) The added despair of changing my move date and hindering my goals and dreams just made me realize that it wasn't worth it... Being upset on the what if and what was. Do I wish I didn't have hsv? Yes! Can I change it? No I cannot and neither can you... But we can adapt and survive.

 

 

 

Take another chance as we all do every day and hope for the best. You will find what you're looking for. Be true to yourself and be true to others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Im just trying to "date" myself and learn about me again with this thing bc i personally dont feel like me anymore. Yes I've turned down guys bc they werent my type but there have others that i thought would form into something more I just didnt have the guts to talk to them n waste time knowing it would only go so far n then communication would be cut off.

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How do you"know" communication would be cut off? I mean, really. .. do you need me to post all the success story links again? (They are posted all over the place here :p ) honey. . If that were true then there would be a whole lot more single people out there.

 

You really need to get it that H is just another deal breaker. Just like smoking, age, religion, height, race, political beliefs, education, social standing, and a bazillion other "deal breakers"... have you ANY of the blogs and links I've posted for you?

 

I have my status posted on all my dating profiles ( PoF and OkC) and I'm getting plenty of interest from H-men. .. who HONOR the fact that I have been honest up front. THAT is the kind of guy I want in my life. .. And I've had 2 H- BF'S too. ..

 

Sure. .. "date" yourself. . That's a great thing that everyone should do from time to time. .. But PLEASE let go of the lie that you will never find someone. ..

 

(((HUGS)))

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Ive seen the blogs, posts, and everything else wcsdancer2010 no need to send anymore. I know its possible but when I talk about cutting off the contact it really has to deal more with me. At first it was my big bad secret; i was ashamed n didnt want anyone to know then after I told the first guy I started to date n now we barely talk anymore.(yes i know he clearly wanted one thing now)...I also notice that I have small anxiety attacks when ppl ask me about my personal life. I just really dont want anyone to know. Yea its not a death sentence but it is a life sentence... and that still has me in a rut. I dont know why but its so hard for me to see the positive in herpes

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You're trying to see the positive THROUGH the negative and that's damn near impossible. You can't work on finding the good if you can't look past the bad. And I know it is far easier said than done but we've all been where you are. All people take different times to cope and all do it in different ways. Reading these success stories just proves that it's possible but it's up to you to determine how and when that will happen.

 

You can do this :)

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@jded_jada

 

Hello darling. Just wanted to drop a few more words of encouragement. The members who've posted here have done a fantastic job so far! I understand your circumstances and recommend you come back to this thread at another time when you're feeling less crappy and really read the advice with fresh eyes. I do that myself with certain things others have posted; just to absorb and record their great ideas into my head. Even reading your posts after some time has passed provides a little insight. You'll see.

 

For now, take the time to feel whatever it is you're feeling. There's no set amount of time required to jump back into the dating pool; there's no quota to meet. Move at your own pace. If you're feeling crappy now; so be it. I no longer believe in fighting myself in order to come out victorious and feeling good. Perhaps you need to distance yourself, go within, and avoid people, places and things. Isn't that what caterpillars do? Form a cocoon, deconstruct and morph into something entirely new and far more beautiful. Yes, cliche and cheesy analogy, but quite fitting in your case.

 

We'll support your every step toward recovery from shame and acceptance of new life. Keep coming back here, and keep posting about your experience.

 

Much love,

C

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