Tonight is MY night

[NSgreenville]

Thanks Miji, I hope it all goes well. Its tough out there sometimes because we want to think that no one understands how we feel. But in the long run its amazing how much compassion humans can have for one another. Best of luck. Reach out to me if you ever need someone to talk to or bounce ideas off.

[Miji69]

Aww, thanks Nick. That means a lot :-) Well... Another (number 5) date last night and.... I couldn't DO IT :-(

Somehow just stuck. This guy is such a funny guy but that seems to always get in the way of having a meaningful discussion. I said to WCSDancer on another thread that my new tactic is not to try talking after a great night out on a fabulous date but just plain ask him round to talk. Wonder, as a guy, your thoughts on that? Don't wanna seem like I'm getting "heavy". I've got to get this out of the way as I'm feeling myself wanting to just give up and run and him getting a little impatient and confused.

 

Human compassion IS amazing, right? This place gives me hope and I truly appreciate your response.

 

:-)

[NSgreenville]

I told my girlfriend after an amazing date. We live about 90 min apart and we were going our separate ways after a great night. And I knew I couldn't keep it any longer. So I just flat out told her.

 

If the guy is worth a damn he'll listen. Sometimes you gotta say screw it and just go for it. Have some information ready should he have questions. But honestly, its a skin disorder that sometimes flares up. Let me put it this way. The herpes have not been the thing my girl and I have fought about during our relationship. Its not a big deal if you address it and treat it exactly for what it is.

 

And the idea of "heavy". Wanna know what kind of bad heavy is? If you said listen I expect to be engaged in 4 months. I want kids right away and a big ol diamond ring. That would send him running 9 times out of 10. But this nah, not heavy. You're opening up and communicating concerns you have for you, him and the relationship. For all the gruff guys get for not communicating to have a woman tell us how she really feels about a tough situation is truly a great gift. It opens up him to see, hey shes gonna put it all on the line. Guys don't want to get hurt just as much. We just typically and unfortunately put up our asshole shield to protect us.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted,

 

Nick

 

[Miji69]

Hey, @NSGreenville, thanks.

In my previous long term relationship with the father of my kids, we fought and broke up ultimately because of "normal" issues, money, childcare,time etc.

I hear you about the "heavy" stuff too.. Just today talked with a guy friend who said that after a month of dating a girl, she wanted him to spend time with her (very difficult) 15 year old son and then to move in. The pressure got too much and he ended it. Yes, there are people who try and fast track a relationship because they have very specific goals but it scares the heck out of guys.

I'm just worried that the intimacy of The Talk is intrinsically about commitment and monogamy when most others who are H neg are just out there having fun and probably never talking until MONTHS in. You seem to be a guy who is at ease with that, at least now, but not all guys take the "sit down and talk about the future and where is this going" dialogue well..

I guess I've just got to try. Ultimately this is about moving forward, however it turns out.

"Asshole shield" gave me a LOL moment. Thanks. It's good to laugh too about all this :-)

[WCSDancer2010]

@Miji69

 

I'm just worried that the intimacy of The Talk is intrinsically about commitment and monogamy when most others who are H neg are just out there having fun and probably never talking until MONTHS in.

 

Uh ... friend ... the reason most of us are here is that we DIDN'T have the STD/monogomy talk when we should have :p

 

And while it would be nice to think that all guys would wait months to try something, most I have come across (all ages, races, educational backgrounds, etc) try to make a move within 3-5 dates ... so if anything we are in a BETTER place because we make sure that we have that talk when the time is right ;)

[willow]

Telling someone you have herpes isnt a life sentance to you.

i mean i told my now bf. But heck were not planninh a wedding or buying a house. We r just bf and gf. And livin it to the fullest as much as we can.

and heck we might even break up in the future... as he wants kids someday and i dont... so who knows..

 

But my point is.. u can tell someone you have the hsv virus..but it doesnt mean you wamt to ge married yet.. 2 different things!

Just beacuse you have h tho.. doesnt mean you cant talk about future stuff either.

go with ur gut instinct

 

[seeker]

why is it everytime I read this post title I hear queens gonna have a good time start up in my head??

[Miji69]

Thanks @Willow of course you are so right. I think the real problem is I really don't think I know him nearly well enough yet to share something like this yet. We both work erratic hours, I have kids so our dates, although 5 now, are pretty spaced out.

@WCSDancer, right again and yes, ultimately we are in a better place but I guess this type of forum exists because of the tailspin of emotions and confusion h constantly sends us into regardless of age, length of diagnosis, sex, race and so on.

@NSGreenville, backatcha if I have an update. Sorry I hijacked your awesome thread!

 

Thanks all!

[NSgreenville]

So had a very up and down weekend. Had some positives and had some negatives with the girlfriend. Surprise Surprise they were all about normal relationship stuff. Its amazing how we always worry about how H is going to affect our relationships, both currently as well as in the future, when in fact a healthy and successful relationship is way more than just 1 thing. We need to continue to communicate and be loving in our relationships. those 2 things will break down any sort of H barrier. Miji69 no worries. Hope things are going well and keep laughing, I know it always helps me.

[WCSDancer2010]

Every relationship has to go through a phase of growing and learning how to deal with living with another human being so that each of you can reach your fullest potential as a partner ....

 

Sending out (((HUGS))) to you both

[Miji69]

Thanks NSGreenville and surprise surprise.... I'm still in the same place.... Next date is this Friday and it's gotta happen as messages between us two are getting more romantic and he has told me he has feelings for me. I'm feeling more and more like I'm being unfair. Not sure how I feel yet as everything has been consumed with having this talk and wondering how HE is gonna feel. Not me. The worry is that even if he takes it well, my relief isn't confused with true happiness to able to take things forward. Don't get me wrong I like him a lot but I think I'm probably getting my having herpes (ha just did a typo and wrote HEROES!) waaaaay out of proportion. I've read some pretty depressing stories on here this week about rejection so it's always one step forward, two steps back. Gotta jump in like you did! I'm gonna tell you it's great to hear that you're having a healthy normal relationship with all the ups and downs. Hope you keep growing together ;-)

[NSgreenville]

I know there are plenty of negative stories you can read anywhere. But one thing I will tell you is that you need to stop making his choice for him. Throw it out there tell him yeah I like you to. I want to tell you something and explain how it doesn't always affect your day to day but you are taking the steps to limit the outbreaks and exposure to others. Explain to him that its made you think a little bit more about the people who you open up to. The fact that you are trusting him and showing him you care will go a long way.

 

And Remember if you keep doing what you've been doing you'll get what you you've always gotten. Im hoping to hear on Saturday morning a story of great success. You got your swim suit on and your hanging onto the rope swing now run jump and get in the water. Its not too cold.

[NSgreenville]

Hey there everyone. So this weekend is going to be a huge weekend for us. My parents are potentially coming into town and if so I am going to be introducing my girlfriend to them. Given my history I don't usually let someone in that easily, so this is a huge step. Actually more nervous about this than my disclosure to her. Amazing what this site and 2 years has done for my perception on what the tough stuff actually is. Hope everyone is well.

 

Love you all

Nick

[whitedaisies]

Wonderful nick

 

Good luck

[NSgreenville]

Another successful weekend folks. She met my parents. It snowed while in Asheville at the Grove Park inn. Everyone got along and they were very impressed with her. If they only knew how accepting she was of me too!

 

Amazing how this has turned from a worried post of will she reject me to 'HEY SHES MEETING MY PARENTS!" update. I couldn't have done this without all of your support. It truly is amazing how much my life has changed in the last 2 years. Ups downs and all arounds, but at the end of the day I feel good about myself and the direction things are going. Who knows. Maybe if this works out all the way Ill have to send a few people on here wedding invites. Love you all

 

Nick

[WCSDancer2010]

So glad to hear everything is progressing .... Yippeee!

 

 

[NSgreenville]

Where has the time gone people!!!

 

Its coming down to the end of 2014 and I'm thinking what in blue blazes has happened??!! I started 2014 with the idea that meh maybe this year Ill find someone special. Heck maybe this is the year I finally have sex again. Well as you all know by now I found someone special. We actually went to my parents last weekend and she spent the whole day with my mom(FAR more terrifying then disclosure) and they love her and she loves them, which isnt always easy. Now we get into the Christmas season and while life can be tough. I am gaining a better understanding each day of a healthy relationship. Based on communication and trust. Throw in a dash of physical attraction and its been all I could ask for this holiday season. I hope this finds everyone well. And I know this year Im thankful that I had all of you around to keep my hopes up. I love you all

 

Happy Holidays and Happy new Year

Nick

[WCSDancer2010]

So.Much.Awesomeness!

 

And so happy for you and the lucky lady!

 

(((HUGS)))

[Lc5008]

This story really made me hopeful & excited for my future & finding someone who excepts me no matter what! Thanks for sharing (:

[NSgreenville]

Yikes, I almost miss the days where I thought there was no hope for me. All these positive vibes and normalcy goes WAAAAYYYY too fast. Still in the relationship coming up on 1 year. But I don't determine the success of that by the length of time, but by the fact our arguments and battles are just like normal relationships. Surprisingly since I have gotten much better about communication since my first disclosure we talk things out where as before I probably would have said SCREW IT IM DONE! I know I havent been the most active on here recently but its amazing how life is such a whirlwind. I am still going to keep you guys posted on all the updates as best I can. But remember if you want to get caught up in something you have to let go and let it happen. Be yourself, be vulnerable, so what if someone rejects you. So what if they dont get it. Be you and you will attract the type of people who you want in your life. Besides when you find that person who accepts you for you, even with your ol buddy Herpes. It makes all those no's seem comical.

 

Love you all,

Nick

[NSgreenville]

So over the past month I have had a whirlwind of things happening in my life. I was fulling planning on moving to be closer to my girlfriend and then got an opportunity dropped in my lap at work to stay put where I am. So after much discussion and working through some of the difficulties. My girlfriend and I are going to be moving in together at the end of August. So with that being in the works. I have actually started shopping for the "R" word. Some people would say hey you've only been dating a year but to be 100% honest. This site taught me to be open and communicate and we have blown through a lot of the conversations that takes some couples years to get figured out. I can't thank you guys enough and will keep you posted as the day approaches when I take that leap into the other big talk.

 

love you all,

Nick

[WCSDancer2010]

You are such and inspiration! Thank you for keeping us up to date, and congratulations! I can't wait to hear about the proposal!!! :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Danaaaaaasaur]

Thanks so much for theupdates and congrats on deciding to move in together! :)) x

[NSgreenville]

Whew. So its been almost 5 months since I last got back to you folks. Even more has happened. We adopted a dog back in July and she is the sweetest pup we could ask for. We are still working in separate cities (40min apart) but we still get thursday-monday together. Also in the process of selling her house so we can buy one down here.

 

But the biggest news is that over Labor day weekend we went for a morning walk in our local park and I got on 1 knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes and we are now planning our day for September 2016. Hard to believe that its been around 3 years since my diagnoses and the low point I had then. I found the greatest woman I could imagine and am now getting ready for her to be my wife. I know that I came here in one of the darkest points in my life and found some really amazing people all over the world and would have never thought I would get through what happened. But life pushed me in the direction I needed to go. I found out about myself and then found a life partner. One who accepted me for me and who understood my hopes, dreams, and goals. Thank you all for all of the support and I will hopefully get some updates and will have to post some photos of our engagement after we get them taken.

 

Love you guys,

Nick

[WCSDancer2010]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

 

I'm sooooo happy for you!!!! When's the wedding???

 

*Grinning form ear to ear over here*

 

For all the Newbies... if this guy doesn't give you hope, nothing will! go read all of @NSgreenville's posts (click on the name and you can see his other posts from his first full-on-freak-out post till this wonderful news!!!)....

 

Doing the Happy Dance over here!!!