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So this is how I wanted my post to read......(let's try again)


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Well, I read over my previous post and I sound like a total lunatic! So here is my attempt to be a rational human being struggling with something difficult that has happened in her life.....something that she never thought would happen to her!

 

I believe I have contracted oral hsv1 and genital hsv1 at one time. I have been experiencing symptoms with various degrees of intensity and duration for 5 months....going on 6. I cannot obtain a positive diagnosis yet and have been on antivirals for 2 months with not much change. I have recently got off them and now on antidepressants. Waiting to take another blood test at which time I will post and ask that Herry the Herp better get his tutu ready!

 

I, like a lot of you, hate that sex, such a normal expression of intimacy and love/lust can have such an emotional and physical consequence. I am in my mid 40's, just got my mojo back after having children and then this hits me. Seems like some sort of sick joke. I was really enjoying sex, finding out I am really good at it (lol) and it hit me like a truck! Having sex at this age, so much more mature and appreciative of sex and all it has to offer....compared to when you are younger is really quite amazing.. I went from ecstatic and enjoying all that sex had to offer to feeling like I will never have sex again (all in 6 months)....tough being on such a severe switch in emotion.I just can't imagine how to get over the anxiety of 1)knowing that sex can be good after herpes and 2) of transmission. I know all the facts and statistics...how do you get out of your head and enjoy again! Since my symptoms have been continuous it feels like I am always contagious....its never safe to have sex! And if I have genital and oral HSV1 technically it shouldn't be reeking such havoc on my body. It's supposed to be the "more tolerable herpes"....NOT! I want to get passed this but my physical symptoms won't let me forget.

 

I have been reading posts and people have wrote that they have done so much personal exploration on the herpes journey...I was hoping I could get some ideas from you out there on how you came to terms....what was your trigger to let it go.....I have so many supportive people around me that are trying to help but I don't think anyone can understand unless they have it themselves.

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Lunatic? No. Your last post was nucking futs. ;)

 

Still, based on everything you've said, I strongly doubt what you're dealing with is HSV. It just doesn't line up. That said, I've got a Tutu lined up and am a man of my word. But, I'm still not convinced I'm going to need to be wearing it anytime soon.

 

Try meditating. It'll help. Then, go get that blood test. At this point, your test results will be confirmatory regardless of how long you've been off antivirals.

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Thanks Herry! I was so hoping you would write back. Came across nucking futs is right. There's a long story behind my HSV contraction or non contraction as there probably is for everyone....filled with lots of turmoil and emotion and bad luck (LOL). Really struggling sometimes to contain it and it came out on my last post. Apologies! I really appreciate your perspective and have read lots of your posts and you are very eloquent, not surprised at all you are writing a book...definitely would be a great read.

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@katie

 

Whatever you have, you can learn from this experience. Soooo much to learn. Appreciating each day (because tomorrow may throw you another curve ball) ... Remembering that others behaviors may be an indication that they are going through some turmoil that you don't know about (including the guy who cut you off on the freeway). Learning the power of unconditional love. Realizing that H is really just a magnifying glass on all the insecurities you already had...it's just forcing you to look at them now. And if it isn't H, realizing that it's easy to assume the worst in any situation ... which isn't helpful so learning meditation and such to stay grounded can help a lot. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others ... and knowing that their reaction will tell you a LOT about them and whether they deserve to be in your life.

 

A great step may be for you to do Adrials Home Study course (it's in Beta version right now but I think he will be releasing another version soon ... PM him for details) ... the course isn't as much about learning about H as it is, learning about how to grow through the process. So even if you don't have H, it might be a good thing for you to do.

 

What is the trigger for letting go? Acceptance. Acceptance that however you feel each day, it is just something to be gotten through and tomorrow is another day. Acceptance that you got something you didn't ask for, and may never get an apology for. Acceptance that dating won't look the same, but that doesn't have to mean that it will be bad ..(tho it WILL if you are convinced that it will be ;) ). Learning to use H (or whatever it turns out to be) as a filter to weed out people you don't need in your life.

 

There are a lot of ways to explore Personal Growth and I'd suggest that you seriously look into it. There is no magic bullet...tho some people get one big "AhA" early on and never look back , most take a bit of time to make acceptance into a habit.

 

(((HUGS)))

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Thanks for your post. It made me cry. I have never been very accepting of myself.....no reason really....I am very successful...I am a professional, academic, I would say fairly attractive, in good shape, good mom, fun, love to learn and experience new things, but there has always been an empty space....tried to fill it with "connecting sex".....backfired......now I am left with the same empty space and herpies. Maybe herpies will be my journey to figuring out what this empty space is and eventually filling it to be a whole new complete me.

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