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So I'm new to this...

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. I recently (6 weeks ago) met someone and have somehow been caught up in a whirlwind romance. I've been getting to know the guy who I shall call P and we connect on so many levels. 2 days ago P told me he had something to tell me and it took him a whole lot of courage to finally come out with the fact that he had contracted genital herpes last December, 2013. To be honest I didn't know a great deal about the infection and told him there was nothing to worry about and that i'm not running for the hills. There is so much more to this guy than herpes and i refuse to base any relationship on purely the fact that he has been unfortunate enough to catch the infection.


Since finding out I have done a little research into the subject and I'm slightly more clued up now than before. Although it doesn't bother me as such that he has this, it does bother me that if i was to contract the infection, what impact would this have on me in the future. I had assumed that sex would be safe as long as there was no outbreak and we used a condom but apparently that is not the case. There is still a risk even when the outbreak is not apparent. I'm a 19 year old girl and P is 22. Im finding it difficult to lay things to rest in my head and don't want to keep bringing the topic up as i know P is still struggling to come to terms with things himself.


someone who has a similar experience to me or has a partner who has H, would you please be my Hbuddy?:)



L x

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First - Welcome and good for you for coming here to talk to people who are experienced with H.... there is sooo much crap out on Google that makes H look one hundred times worse than it actually is.


So from a woman's point of view (and I've had H for 35 years .. acquired at 17 ... so I've experienced a lot around H):


Herpes is ... for the most part ... a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place. Granted, some people have some pretty tough OB's ... esp the first one or two, but over time you learn how to manage it, what your personal triggers are, and how to protect your partners and in the end it just becomes something you live with and mostly ignore.


You are correct that it's not 100% safe at any time .... it *used* to be thought that we were ok between OB's but more recent science has us knowing better.


Do you know if your BF has HSV1 or 2? It's pretty important to know (despite what the Dr's often say), because they shed at different rates and much of the population has HSV1 orally by the time they are your age (60%). Thus, if you have HSV1 (ie, coldsores) then you are somewhat protected from getting it genitally either through oral sex or regular sex. You may well be carrying it and not know so I would suggest that unless you KNOW you have been tested for H1 AND H2, you get tested yourself. Most people don't know that standard STD testing does not include Herpes testing.


Also, knowing WHERE he has his OB's help with regards to condoms ... if they are on the shaft of the penis the condoms will generally cover it, but if it's on his scrotum, not so much :(


As far as protecting you, well, your BF may want to go on the Anti-virals for at least a year while his body is getting the little bugger under control. Acyclovir or Valtrex can cut transmission rates by at least 50%. If you use that and a condom (which cuts the transmission rates another 50%) then your risk with H2 would be about 2%. (About the same as getting pregnant on Birth Control). Also, you may want to look into the FC2 Female Condom ... advantages are it covers more of you AND it doesn't strangle the guy (so they are more likely to be eager to use it) and neither of you lose sensation. I suggest you look on Ebay or Amazon if you want to buy them in quantity as they are a bit pricey in the few stores you can find them at.


Now, what happens if you get H from him? You *might* have a rough start with it...but many have hardly any symptoms. And there is no way of knowing who will get which reaction. If you are still with him, well, then you wouldn't have to worry about protecting you from that point on ... you can't pass "more" of it to each other. The major "inconvenience" once your body has it under control is childbirth, where you need to inform the Dr when you are pregnant that you have H. They will put you on the Anti-virals for the last month of your pregnancy and then monitor you very closely for OB's. If you are in the clear you can have a natural birth ... if you have an OB, then they will recommend a Cesarean. I had both a C-section and a natural birth (because the Dr scared me into it with the first...turns out I didn't need it) and both my daughters are in their 20's and H-free. I never worried about passing it to them (and I have the Oral H as well - I just never kissed them or shared drinks with an OB) and led a very normal life with them.


I would suggest you get your BF on here as well - because if he's still struggling, the best thing is to talk to people who know and understand where he's at. We'll hold your hands through this .... and answer any questions you may have.


(((HUGS))) my friend. Let us know if you need any more info or support. We're here for you :)

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wow. Firstly I just want to say thankyou for replying to my post and also for making me welcome and giving me the courage to carrying on using this site.


I'm assuming OB is an outbreak? Just double checking:)


Like I said in my first post, P contracted H in December and had has only one outbreak. P does get coldsores before his diagnosis in December but when he went to the doctors with the genital symptoms on his shaft he was told that he did infact have HS2 aswell. I guess that's good (want for a better word) that he has only has symptoms on his shaft although he has only had one OB. Do the symptoms always reoccur in the same area?


I did visit the family planning clinc yesterday to try and get a little more information about H and I was told that the GUM clinic would be unlikely to test me unless I presented symptoms. And I read online that (eyes roll) that anti virals aren't usually an option unless you present symptoms around 6 times a year? I'm not sure how true this is, you know what the internets like!


I'm probably one of the few 19 year olds that insist on using condoms anyway but that's good to know that with the symptoms presenting on the shaft that its less likely for me to catch H. How do we find more information about the anti-virals and have you ever used them? & are there any side effects?


Once again I just want to express how nice it is to finally get some of this weight of my shoulders and speak to someone who knows what its like living with this frustrating thing! Still trying to get my head round it but i guess that takes time but with the help and support from people like yourself I'm sure we'll get through it.


love and hugs to you,

L x

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Glad to help :)


Yes, OB is outbreak. When you type it 500 times a day you tend to shorten it a bit :)


and yes, the symptoms *usually* present in the same area ...he may shed in an area around that but with the condom it should protect you reasonably well...the FC2 female condom would protect you even better. ;)


So you are in the UK. Sorry but their view there is to ignore it until you get it :/ So it will be harder for you to get tested and yes, their policy is to not give you antivirals unless you get regular OB's ... if he wants to go on them, I'd say he should just tell them he keeps having OB's and see if they will insist on seeing them or if they will just believe him and give him the script.


BTW, if he has HSV1 (coldsores) you also need to be careful about Oral Sex ... make very sure he doesn't go down on you if he has a coldsore or any suspicion that he's getting one... half of all new genital cases are HSV1 from Oral sex...and 80% of the population has HSV1 Oral (and half of them don't know they have it :( )


The Acyclovir/Valtrex drugs re actually pretty safe - they only activate in the presence of the virus. A small amount of people get odd side effects (others may fill you in here) but they are not life threatening.



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I find this so beautiful!!!! The fact you know he had it and you didn't run!!!! Ihave H but ijust wanted to say that you sticking around and still wanting to work on things with him instead of taking off is something that takes courage an that you came to this support group to ask questions and get knowledge. Yes wearing a condom you can still spread it because if you guys make skin contact it still is touching your skin. Ihad left my bf and got with another dude who didn't tell me and I contracted it. But if you ever wanna talk you can private message me and we can talk (:

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@Sayyywhatt - Thank you for saying that, its lovely to hear. I don't think he can quite get his head round that i'm still here although he only told me a few days ago. It really devastates me that this thing takes such a grasp on peoples lives and its even more devastating to know its affecting people at such a young age. I'm here to chat to if you ever wanna just thrash things out or whatever, doesn't even have to be about H. We are still people with feelings, problems, lives, achievements etc:) xx


@WCSDancer2010 - I will do, thank you for being so welcoming. I definitely think he would benefit talking to people like yourself. That's a really sweet thing to say, if there is anything i can do, chat with you or whatever then do not hesitate to get in touch. xx

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