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So Sad and Scared


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Hi,

 

I was just diagnosed with HSV2 yesterday. I am sitting here now crying as I type. I have been to this site before reading posts, but never joined. I was dating a man who was HSV 1 & 2 positive 2 years ago. I was blood tested when we found out he had it, but was negative at that time. Just going for that blood test threw me into an emotional tailspin. I was so afraid, but then so relieved that I had tested negative at the time. I continued the relationship. He did not go on anti virals and we used condoms about 70% of the time. I suspected I may have caught it when I came down with flu symptoms. I went to my doctor who told me I had an ear infection and then to my gynecologist who did not think it could be herpes without any outbreak. My gyno swabbed me at the time and it came back negative. I went into a deep depression at the thought of having herpes back then and was put on anti-depressants and saw a psychiatrist and therapist to get me out of it. Because of my mental state, my doctors didn't advise blood testing. I convinced myself I was ok with what my team of 4 doctors told me. I went on without any outbreaks and just lived my life. I had always said if I got an outbreak, I would get tested. This is how I rationalized things. No outbreaks happened.

 

I recently entered into a relationship with the most wonderful man. We had known each other as friends for over a year before becoming intimate. Recently, I had what I thought were two yeast infections. I became worried because they were so close to each other. I told my boyfriend my whole story about the man I had dated with herpes and that I had not been retested after that relationship ended. He encouraged me to go for testing.

 

Unfortunately, my worst fears were confirmed yesterday. I am now terrified that I may have passed this on to my boyfriend and we are awaiting his test results.

 

The guilt I feel is immense. How could I do this to the man I love? I am so ashamed and sorry for what I put him through. He seems to be standing by me despite all of it. I am an emotional wreck and he is so strong. He is worried more for me than himself.

 

I feel so horrible....

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Hi @Seekingpeace!

Dont be soo hard on yourself chickie! You did the right thing by getting tested in the past, and who were u to know any different with the timing of tests and what not.

i myself was blood tested 4 months after possible transmission and was negative.. but when i went again a week ago, it was possitive.

if this man is more worried about your own emotions than his, then i hope you can believe that he prob isnt toooo worried if he did end up with it.

the best part about knowing is the amount of knowledge u can learn about it.

antivirals, condoms, and as Dancer litterally just reminded me.. "other activities" can help u stay intimate with a lower transmission rate.

I dont believe u did anything wrong, you didnt lie, and u didnt betray him.

you didnt even know the damn bugger was playing hide n seek in ur nerves! You need not to feel the guilt u feel now.

Chin up, its not so bad, a skin irritation... like a sunburn maybe.. no touchy touchy for a while if it occures.

and then bam, couple days later ur back to your reg ol self! ... just gotta remind yourself to use protection!

Hope this helps!

xox

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Thank you Willow for your encouraging words. I'm sorry to hear about your positive result after originally testing negative.

 

I know it's not so bad physically to have this, its the emotional damage it's causing thats horrible. I am hopeful that I can get to the point of accepting myself like so many others on this site. Right now it just doesn't feel so great.

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@Seekingpeace

 

I went to my doctor who told me I had an ear infection and then to my gynecologist who did not think it could be herpes without any outbreak. ..........I convinced myself I was ok with what my team of 4 doctors told me............ I am now terrified that I may have passed this on to my boyfriend and we are awaiting his test results. The guilt I feel is immense. How could I do this to the man I love?

 

So honey, can you see that it is the PROFESSIONALS that let you down and it's not your fault that you didn't know? It's a really sad thing that a GYNO of all people didn't know about asymptomatic shedding (I'd be marching into his office with the CDC info on Herpes that they will respect more than anything from here because of their understandable perspective that regular folks often have misinformation, and DEMAND an apology). You really have to get it to your core that you were misinformed by the people that you entrusted to know and have your best interests at heart.

 

I know it's not so bad physically to have this, its the emotional damage it's causing thats horrible.

 

Knowing that is half the battle. Right now you are dealing more with the fact that you were mis-informed and the possible consequences of that... so do keep reminding yourself that you truly DID try to do the right thing.

 

The only thing I will add is that I personally go for an STD test BEFORE I get intimate with anyone new... so *I* know my status for sure.... I know most people seem to get intimate then think about that later because they "use protection most of the time" ... but having done that myself (I'm not perfect either" ... and knowing that condoms don't protect you from everything, I now have a policy of getting myself tested and asking them to do the same... so we know the playing field and there is a much smaller room for discussion (unless they were sexually active right up till we met... in which case it's sensible to go again in 6 months to be sure) if anything comes up later.

 

I'm 52... I've had H since I was 17. You will be fine. I just have the blessing of a lot more life experience with H...and dating.... and believe me, it doesn't get any easier (dating, that is) with age, and we all mess up. It's HOW we and our partners work through the mess that shows whether we are meant to be a couple or not....

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

 

 

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Thank you Dancer for your kind words and good advise. I have been reading your other posts on here and you are so compassionate and knowledgeable. This is such a wonderful community to be in at this time in my life.

 

The thing is, I should have known better, but was afraid to get blood tested and was looking to the doctors to get me off the hook. Very bad choice in retrospect. I was 43 at the time this all happened and should have gone for the blood test. I rationalized it because I didn't want to believe it. Now I need to come to terms with it and hope that the fallout for my bad decision doesn't lead to the end of my new relationship.

 

That is good advise on getting tested before any intimacy, thank you.

 

Thank you for your hugs.....they are definitely needed right now.

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