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Just found out and I'm scared

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So I just found out this morning that I have herpes. I immediately told my boyfriend because I didn't want to hide things. We've had unprotected sex the entire time we've been together. He's been telling me he wants to marry me for a while. Like he's always talking about it. When I told him he looked so upset but sed he wasn't going anywhere and we'd figure it out. So maybe I'm just being paranoid but I'm scared shitless I'm going to lose him. I guess I'd jus like some advice on how to proceed.

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First: Take a deep breath.


Now high-5 yourself for telling your boyfriend immediately because I'm sure that wasn't easy. How long have you two been together? If he's been telling you he wants to marry you, chances are he means it when he says he's not going anywhere and you guys will figure it out. If he does end up leaving you dodged a bullet because this is what marriage is. For better or for worse. Every life struggle you're partners in. So if he leaves over a skin condition...trust me you don't want to marry him.


Here's what I'd say. Do some research and have him get tested. If he comes back negative then consider going on suppression therapy and use protection.


I'm sure some "veterans" will offer some wisdom very soon! But til then my "newbie" knowledge and support will have to do!


Remember: Breathe.

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Hello friend! As @D&D said,,,, BREATHE!!! Coming from a 35 yr veteran, you have to believe me that you will be fine ;)


So - your BF sounds like a peach. Good for him for standing by you.


So a few things....do you know if you have HSV1 or 2? What prompted you to go to the Dr? An OB or just regular STD testing?


If you just had an OB for the first time I'm going to hazard a guess that you *might* have got HSV1 from your BF ..... 50% of new cases are from oral sex with someone who has had "cold sores" because this is HSV1 and most people don't know that you can pass it to the genitals.


You also need to get him tested so you know if he has it or not.... once you know that, you know if you need to protect him from get it from you or not.... in which case you can use anti-viral meds and/or condoms once you discuss his risks and what he feels comfortable with.



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Be sure not to place any blame regarding the cold sore issue. If anyone is to blame it's the health professionals and politics in schools that is keeping these important issues in the dark. I remember when I was in school we spent more time learning about HIV and VD's that Herpes was a single paragraph subject.



Though on that subject it would be incredibly rare for him to have HSV1 genitally if he has had it orally. Not to say it is impossible though just rare.



I wish you the best! You're gonna be okay!

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Not sure yet. Don't get official results for a couple of days. Ob was pretty certain of what I had though. Makes a lot of sense with the symptoms I was experiencing. I'm starting to come off freak out mode but this outbreak is killer :/

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Ok - so try these things for the OB, and then search the FAQ's and use the search bar for more ideas is you want:


Go Commando as much as possible - getting air to the area can help to dry it out more quickly


Reduce stress as much as possible - Herpes feeds off stress!!! It can become a good barometer for you that your body needs attention in some form or other


Look up Trigger Foods/triggers on here in the FAQ and search bar - lots of topics on them ... the main foods are chocolate and nuts but you want to learn about the Lysine/Argenine balance that can help keep Herpes under control


Epsom Salts baths can do wonders for some. Sit in the bath and dump a few handfuls of the salts right between your legs. Relax and let the salts do their thing then get out and dry off, finishing with a blow drier set on low heat to really get the area dry.


These 4 things seem to do the most help for the most people. Aloe Vera CREAM (make sure ALOE is one of the first ingredients and there isn't a bunch of other crap like petroleum and if it has glycerine, it's AFTER the Aloe in the ingredients .. go to a Health food store for your best chance of getting a good product) or Zinc cream may help during the day to keep it from sticking and help relieve the pain ..



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Yep, about 80% of the population ends up with HSV1 by their mid-30's. It's that common. In fact, your boyfriend should get tested, too, because there's a very good possibility he has it as well. If that's the case, there are absolutely no precautions that you need to take to prevent transmission. So, that's the good news.


The great news? It's really not going to impact your life all that much. HSV1 doesn't like to live below the belt, and it remains pretty quiet for the vast majority of people. It can cause cold sores if you have it orally, but when it's down below, it tends to show up rarely if ever.

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Sounds like a primary, and those can be a lot of fun. About as comfortable as buying condoms and discovering your girlfriend's mother is a pharmacist.


Try some aloe cream, maybe some melissa baum. That should relieve the itching quite a bit. Mine and many others lasted a few weeks, too, so you're not out of the norm. Get lots of rest, try the other remedies Dancer suggested, and try and relax. HSV1 does tend to settle down and not bother you too much in the long-run.

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As Herry said, H1 will usually settle down and it will shed less in the long run... but your body has to come up with the Antibodies first. I tell people time and again who are frustrated after a couple weeks with their first OB, 2 weeks is NOTHING in the timeline of your life. I know it sucks now, but try to be patient while your body works on getting it under control. If it continues for another couple weeks, then I'd see about getting on supressive therapy. You may need a little help getting it under control. Until then, try those other things we listed above :)


Have you read the handouts? they have a lot of good info on them



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