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Help need to talk about if I have Herpes

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I am freaking out because I broke up with a girl that I had been with for 2 years.


She had told me after we had sex 2 years ago that she had got "sick" after having sex with someone.

She also told me that her ex-husband of 11 years never had any symptoms etc...

I dont know if she said this as a lie to try and make me stay with her but im flipping out now with anxiety.


I havent had any symptoms for these 2 years but am still afraid.


Any advice?


Thank you so much!!!



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I'm going to be Captain Obvious for a moment and say the first thing you should do is get yourself tested for STD's not just HSV1/HSV2 but you may as well get the whole board done.


Does your ex have herpes? Has she ever been tested? Your fear in anxiety is very normal and it too will pass in time. You may or may not have Herpes and if you do it certainly isn't the end of your life as you know it. Being that you have yet experience an outbreak is a good sign. But again the responsible thing to do as a sexually active adult is to get some lab work done and have faith in the results whatever they may be.


You're gonna be okay! So take a deep breath.

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I had STD testing after being with her except herpes and am fine.


However I am scared.

What do you mean because I havent had an outbreak it is a good sign?

does that mean I may not have it?

Do some people that get it not have outbreaks? what is that percentage?


She was very manipulative and I dont know if she told me a story just to make me feel like i can only be with her from now on. so i dont leave her.

She was abusive and actually hit me once so I dont know.


She didnt even call it herpes.

But also told me that her ex-husband never had it.

When I was with her for two years I never saw her have any symptoms at all.


She said she had one outbreak about 20 years ago and thats all.


what do you think??


I have anxiety problems and this just flared them up.


trying to relax now



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Well if I was in your position I would distance myself from this person as much as I could. You should never stay in an abusive situation but I too know how difficult it is to leave sometimes. There are so many people on this planet I see absolutely no reason for you to stay with this woman if she is abusing you. Again I know situation makes all the difference but in the next few hours other members of this community who are far more knowledgeable on these subjects will give you a solid shoulder and advice. But my advice is to distance yourself in any way possible. YOU aren't alone nor is having Herpes going to wreck your love life.


So you've had an STD panel done and you tested positive for Herpes? If so do you know what type HSV1 or HSV2. I don't know off hand the % of people who never show signs or symptoms but since the average is 80% of those who have herpes don't know they do my guess the % is up there. Most of the time people don't assume herpes with different symptoms as they can be very mild or severe. Many people report of issues like they thought it was a UTI or Jock Itch etc.


Take a moment and download the Free E-Book it has tons of correct information regarding Herpes and it will help you better understand what this virus is what it does and what you can do for it. After that I suggest you read through the many forum posts on this website and see you truly are NOT ALONE. You're going to be Okay.



Regardless you're going to be OKAY! Herpes is another nuisance in life but with the proper education and understanding it should not affect your overall being.


I have HSV1 and HPV which is a kind way of saying Genital Warts. I'm still alive I am still breathing and leading a normal life. :-)

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ok that is cool.


thanks so much for answering me!!


I booked an appt with my DR for tuesday and will go test then.


this is going to be a long 3 days

The nurse I talked to said that it is unlikely i have it since i didnt ever have an outbreak or any symptomology which is comforting.


No I am totally broken up with this person and will never get back together with her.

I still dont know if she lied to me to get me to feel like i had to stay with her.


disgusting people

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Hello and welcome!


You definitely want to get tested for Herpes ... now and, if you come up negative, 4-6 months after you last were intimate with her just to be safe.


Now, it's VERY possible you could test + for HSV1 because 60% of young people have it by the time they are young adults (it's the "Cold Sore" virus ...spread by kids sharing drinks and doting Aunties giving them a smooch with a cold sore present) and by age 40-something, 80% of the population has it..... BUT, it can be spread to the genitals with oral sex (50% of new genital herpes cases are HSV1 from oral sex). The point is, if you come back HSV1+, don't freak out ... while you won't know for sure where you have it (mouth or genitals) odds are it will be on the mouth.


HSV2 is what most people think of as Herpes... it is possible you got it and never had symptoms... BUT... it's also very possible that you never got it too. I know several discordant couples who have been together for 25+ years and the H- partner never got it. So try not to freak out until you get the test back, ok??


Just be glad you are out of the toxic relationship ... get tested ... and then if you are H+, we will help you get educated.... as a 35 yr veteran I can tell you it is totally NOT the end of the world ;)



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Yeah I am not worried about HSV1


Its the genital kind that for some reason freak me out.

I have problems with anxiety as well so it doesnt help. I take a small dose SSRI and it helps immensely, just times like these are tough.


I never saw her have an outbreak and I have never ever had one on my mouth or anywhere else for that reason.

Why would couples of 25 years and the one person not get it?

The nurse explained to me that It is a lot easier to get when the person you are in contact with has an outbreak.

And she had said her husband never had anything.

I just wonder as well if she said it to make me feel bonded to her and not leave her.


So from the handbook i read is it really 4% for men to get it unprotected?


thanks so much for the support!!


for some reason these things scare me.

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What you don't understand will tend to be scarier ... get educated and then half the fear is gone .... even tho there is no way for you to *totally* understand H unless you have LIVED with it (and I get that), if you can take the time to read other stories on here, and really get it to your core that those of us who have had it long enough to give a good account of what it's like to live with it, you will realize that it's not 1/10th as bad as people make it out to be. Yes, some have pretty rough OB's at first. Yes, many suffer a lot of fear and self loathing at first (but only because they buy into the stigma...they are still the beautiful people they were before H). However, I see people on here, time and again, who break through the fear, drop the stigma, and find love and learn to live with H. So, *if* you have it, know that 99% of the stuff you are freaking out about is unfounded and only exists because of ignorance and the fact that the medical community is ignoring our TRUE needs .... accurate education for all sexually active people and emotional support/counseling for the newly diagnosed.


So... on to your comments.


You *could* get HSV1 genitally my friend ... so you need to understand that..... I think you meant that Cold Sores don't bother you..... but they are HSV1 and it CAN be transferred to the genitals. Just to make sure you understand that for future knowledge :)


So why would someone be with someone for 25 years and the H- partner not get it? That's the 10 million dollar question. I have a theory that may have been supported in something I saw on TV recently. HIV research is showing that a very small amount of the population (.01%) have a gene that helps them fight off the HIV virus more effectively. I wondered for years if some people had something more than a really strong immune system (which will also help) that helps keep them from getting certain communicable diseases. In a population of animals, when there is an epidemic, a small number will almost always survive if other factors (drought/etc) don't get added in. So it's entirely *possible* that there are some genetics at work here. Otherwise, well, we have no idea why some never get it. Maybe the H+ person was just really, really in tune with their body and never had sex during an OB/shedding time. Maybe their body just has the virus under really good control (again, maybe there are genetics involved here, or other health issues). Or, maybe they just plain got lucky. I think it's a bit of all the above ;) I always say Herpes is a slippery devil that doesn't play according to the rules as we know them.....


I just wonder as well if she said it to make me feel bonded to her and not leave her.


Maybe. Or maybe it was true. We with H can only tell you our experience up to this point with H. I gave H to my ex hubby because I didn't know (in the 80's) that the rash I got was H and we had sex when I had OB's. My 2 "serious" (3+ yrs) BF's since divorce never got it ... one with anti-virals, one without (by his choice). But now my body has it under much better control and I know my symptoms better and avoid sex during any questionable time.


And yes, 4% with no meds or condoms .... we women get the bad end of the deal because of all the lovely folds of skin we have down there so our risk is 10%. And BTW, your risk of getting a girl pregnant while she is on BC without condoms is 2% ... the same as your risk of getting H with condoms..... so keep that in mind in in the future, eh?



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Got the results back


Positive for oral

negative for genital!!!!



thanks so much for all the support!!!


Very much of a learning experience.

Its just the same in different places.


You guys are wonderful!!!


really wonderful!


and no it opened my eyes that there is no shame and it is just a social stigma.


God Bless everyone!

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So you had an oral outbreak and they swabbed the sores? I don't understand Positive for Oral negative for Genital since both HSV1 and HSV2 can affect either areas.


I am assuming you tested positive for HSV1.


Glad to see you happy and hope you continue with that positive outlook. :-)

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Positive for oral

negative for genital!!!!


Sorry - but I somehow am sot sure that you understand this virus ... I'm assuming you were blood tested and came back positive for HSV1 and negative for HSV2???


But without an actual swab (and you state you never had an OB), there is no way of telling if you have Oral Herpes or Genital Herpes ... I'e stated that on here before but I want to make sure you really understand that HALF of all new Genital Herpes cases are HSV1 ..... so it is very possible you do have "Genital" HSV1 herpes ...


Now, it's still not at all the end of the world ... H1 sheds less and is more common, but please don't see this as a reason to not disclose or to downplay the statistics to a future partner. But any future partner needs to know that, just as YOU likely got it genitally from your ex GF (from what you wrote it sounds like she had Genital H), it IS possible to pass it on and you need to discuss how you want to proceed (depending on if she has "coldsores" herself or Genital H1 or not) with protective measures ... or not....ok????


Yes, it IS the same "in different places" but you don't know which "place" you have it ... you just know which of the varieties you have.... ;)

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