My Herpes Story... outlook

[Strengthfromwithin]

Hello All,

 

My name is Alex, and I had my first outbreak about 4 months ago, just a few days before my 31st birthday. It was shitty, I'm not going to lie. In comparison to others stories I've heard my first wasn't that bad but the pain was still unbearable at times. I couldn't do anything, and for about a week my quality of life was zero. But the pain is temporary, your body will heal, you mentally recover, and just know it probably (hopefully) won't ever be that bad again! It will get better!

 

For me there wasn't a huge emotionally devastating period some people suffer with. I instantly accepted herpes and almost had a strange sense of relief come over me. I had been living a somewhat reckless lifestyle in terms of dating and sex. I haven't had a serious relationship in close to ten years, mainly because of moving all over the country, lots of traveling, and living a very independent lifestyle. Overall I was just very comfortable and happy being single. But earlier this spring I really started evaluating my life and my relationships. I wasn't feeling good about myself or the decisions I was making. I was a sexual object to men, and that was all. It seems so obvious now why I wasn't forming deep bonds and emotional relationships with people, though I think I always chalked it up to having "commitment issues". I was too quick to jump into bed with someone. I decided I was ready to make serious changes in my life. I wanted to be 100% focused on myself and improvement, not being distracted by sex. I decided to try and be abstinent for at least 6 months and then reevaluate. Ironically after Ive had this major moment of clarity and am starting to make the necessary changes in my life, I have one slip up with someone I thought there was potential for serious with, and am pretty sure I contracted herpes from him. I just tell myself that even though I had already wanted to make these changes in my life, sometimes drastic things need to happen in order for you to really be able to execute them. So that's where the sense of relief comes into play. The diagnosis is forcing me to change the way I live my life instantly, which is something I had already been wanting to do... but saying is often easier than doing.

 

I do look at herpes as a blessing in a lot of ways now (you can look at it negatively or try and find positives in it). Lets not kid anyone, when you're having an outbreak its not fun... But in retrospect things could be so much worse. What I take out of this on a deeper level is I suddenly have this gift to look at my life in a way I hadn't seen it before. I wasn't respecting my body or taking care of it in the way I should be. If you don't respect your own body, you cant expect other people to. I now have an opportunity to truly get to know people on a deeper, emotional level, without sex complicating things right away. If there is person I'm meant to be with in this world, that will love me unconditionally for who I am, I'm going to find them this way... not the way I was living my life before.

 

I think its also important to say I don't feel shame about my past. I am a very sexual person, a confident woman and I have no apologies for being sexually active. Its just unfortunate it took "this" situation for me to realize that all the sex I WAS having wasn't even fulfilling. It was drunken, empty, pointless sex with no connection. But you live and you learn and now its on to the next chapter. Having regrets (and anger) really wont help you move forward.

 

So this is my little introduction. Everyone of you is beautiful and its an honor to be among so many brave and inspiring people :)

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Alex,

 

Wow. Just wow. You are awesome. I am so amazed at your perspective and insight to your journey! You are the brave and inspiring one.

 

Thank you for being so open and sharing how you have come to see the "gifts" of The Gift. (H) I think your insights are going to help so many others move toward acceptance and self-love and I am so thankful you are here.

 

Please keep sharing and don't feel bad if you have moments along the way where your vision isn't so clear and you feel down. We all have those, too. ;) The cool thing is we show up for one another around here and talk each other off the ledge if necessary!

 

Keep owning your journey and embracing yourself as the sexy and beautiful woman you are...inside and out! I look forward to getting to know you more...

 

much love,

Kristin

[mr_hopp]

Much love, Alex. Glad to see you posting here, sharing yourself. I love the way you see the world and the way you write to share it with us. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better as we build a new Opportunity together ... ;) Exciting! Talk to you in a few hours!

[Scornedvillager]

Thank you for being so honest. I too had a lack of respect for my body and let others disrespect me as a sexual object, and I found a false sense of empowerment while doing so. I also had the revelation of "Im tired of putting and getting nothing in return" and while I was holding out on having sex with a guy that I really liked I had my first episode that sent me to the clinic with questions. Luckily I was able to avoid putting others at risk. I am a confident, sexual person and now, instead of experiencing multiple sexual encounters, I really look forward to finding "the one" and exploring the vastness of my sexuality with one person instead of the exploring the shallow depths with many partners.

Welcome to the community, Alex. You are quite inspiring as well!

[Lisa]

Ciao Alex, Thnx for sharing your story. It is a story similar to my own experience even though I am prolly much older than you. Finding one true partner is a tough journey - Im still hitting obstacles every day. I feel your pain believe me. Focus on what is right for you and eventually things fall into the right place. What comes around goes around - it does come to fruition - make take some time (it took over 2 years for me) -but things have their way of getting sorted out. Enjoy the next chapter... it will open your eyes about men in general and what is really important. Good luck to you :-)

 

[Strengthfromwithin]

Scornedvillager- "I am a confident, sexual person and now, instead of experiencing multiple sexual encounters, I really look forward to finding "the one" and exploring the vastness of my sexuality with one person instead of the exploring the shallow depths with many partners." This is so well put, and exactly how I feel.

 

Thank you very much for the welcoming... I look forward to being an active part of this community!