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Wondering when this feeling of dread will stop

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It's been a little over a week since I found out I was positive. I can't stop this feeling of depression and doom, despite the fact that I am surrounded by some very supportive people and also have a supportive boyfriend who is here to talk me though everything. I went to a local support group last week and it helped a little bit, but these thoughts of despair keep coming back to me over and over. I am not a kid, I am in my 40's and have three kids of my own to take care of. The depression is making it hard for me to go to work and take care of my kids. Logically, I know I can't stay in this place forever, but I just can't seem to snap out of it. I am looking for a therapist now in hopes that they can help me move forward.


I feel like I know all there is to know about this disease, so I have now been obsessively looking on the internet about cure news. I came across Dr. Halford's blog and his research gives me the only sense of hope that I have felt since finding out.


For everyone who has been dealing with this for a while, how long did it take to get to a positive place? I really need to hear some inspirational stories.

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Well, I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I also have 3 kids and in my 40s!! So I know exactly what you are feeling....except I don't have a loving supportive BF by my side. Let him support and comfort you! It's a beautiful thing. I am nowhere near being comfortable having this virus, but I did go on antidepressants and went to therapy. I found this helps a lot. Therapy especially. There were a whole bunch of things I discovered about myself through therapy that I always just swept under the rug. Herpes forced me to admit and confront them and figure out how to deal with them. I would strongly suggest you do that....it really helps you heal. I ended up taking time off work....been off a moth now. It will pass, the feeling of dread and depression, it just takes time. I am still sad about it, clinging to my past sex life that had such freedom....so I will never not have remorse about that, but I am able to function day to day now (took about a month) and I am nowhere near to the multi-tasking monster I was before, but maybe that's a good thing! :) Good luck to you!

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Sounds a sensible idea to see of therapy can help, and don't be afraid to not go back if you don't get the right feeling from your initial meeting with a therapist. Even more than specialist knowledge, the quality of your relationship with them is crucial. I'm only a couple of weeks ahead of you in the 'diagnosed-with-herpes' game, so I can't pretend to be a font of wisdom on it ;) BUT I entirely agree with others far more expert than I that for the vast majority of us, it is not the physical fact of the virus which is the "issue". Rather, it is how we think others think about it, plus very often a whole lot of stuff in yourself you HAVE to confront along with H. I have found therapy helpful, even though (or perhaps because) most of what we've done is not directly about herpes at all.

You're doing sensible things now - though there'll doubtless be bumps in the road, I'm confident it will get better for you.

Love, Ken

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First.... (((HUGS))) .... I want you to know that you WILL FIND peace. You are only one week into your diagnosis ... that is NOTHING on the timeline (plus/minus 4000 weeks) of your life. As @ihaveittoo said so well:


Herpes is no more than a speed bump you hit at 70 mph when you should have been doing 25 mph. Sure its one hell of a jolt at first, but after you come a complete stop, catch your breath, and possibly need a change of underware, you get on with life.


I've a 35 yr veteran - ihaveittoo is somewhere around 20+ yrs into this (I forget the exact #) and we both got it when our "support system" was a pamphlet and a pat on the back from the Dr as we left the office. No internet. No support groups. No really solid information about how to deal with it. And we survived just fine... the only difference is how long it took people in our generation of H carriers to come to peace and understanding. It was certainly a LOT longer than one week!


If you use this site properly, you will find that your acceptance and understanding about how to live with H will come a whole lot faster than most. And I agree, sounds like you need a "Sex-positive" therapist (that is what you are looking for) who will at least have *some* idea what you are dealing with and how to help you through it. @whitedaisies was right in that it's very likely that Herpes is acting as a magnifying glass on beliefs and past hurts that you have swept under the carpet and therapy is a great place to work on that. And to both of you, please pass this website on to your therapist ... it's great for people to have somewhere to go when they freak out at 2am and their therapist isn't taking anything but real emergency calls ;)


And please... GET THE HELL OFF GOOGLE! I know you think it's helping, but all it will do is keep you in "the future" ... with the belief that you will find peace and happiness when a "cure" comes about ... but current projections are in the 10+ years ...so that's a whole lotta time to be miserable when you don't have to be ;) Believe me, when a cure comes about , this site will be the first to let you know!


Please understand ... you are having a very natural reaction to your diagnosis AND it WILL get better. Read as much as you can on here and see how far people have some in a few short months..... I'm blown away every day at the growth I see in some people ...how they go from believing their life is over to "getting" that they are beautiful and wonderful and that H doesn't define them to finding love (self love AND romantic love) that they never thought was possible BEFORE their diagnosis....


So BREATHE ... keep coming here, get the help you need elsewhere, and know you WILL be OK ...



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It will happen... I believe the therapist will help you reach that moment of acceptance. Then you will only shake your head and chuckle as to WHY you gave Herpes that much power and influence over your day to day life. That doesn't mean there wont be those days where herpes is an added encumbrance and your mind although briefly races back to these early days. But you'll learn and teach yourself that it isn't worth it... and when those days do arise come here speak your mind and let this powerful and great community be your support and in return on your good days offer a bit of support yourself. :-) You're going to be okay and those old words "Time heals all wounds" is very true. Only you decide how much time is needed.

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