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Just starting this, and am completely at a loss!

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I know I've not had time to read through everything, there's a lot of information on here. I'm fighting fatigue, emotions, headache, and at times odd pains. I have discharge periodically. I just got done with the initial dose of Valtrex and have started the daily dose. I had the wonder of severe hemorrhoids with this which had to be lanced.


The pain isn't much of a bother for me, but the being tired and headaches is. The thing is, I'm a submissive with my Dominant, who may or may not have given it to me. He's being wonderful and sticking by me. But did anyone have any major issues when becoming sexually active again? It is a big part of our time together, and just these past 2 weeks have made us almost crazy with needs.


We still play, which keeps me from having pain. Odd that causing one pain could make another vanish completely, but it does. And that is a big help. Any ideas or help, info on this would be great. Thanks!

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Hello TaniaUllarich and welcome. I am sorry to hear about your difficult issues. I myself have not experienced the same but instead I have done a lot of reading and gained a better understanding towards herpes and herpes medication. If you read some of the possible side affects of Valtrex you will find it can cause fatigue which is the most reported side affect I have read from other people on this forum. You will also find that Valtrex can cause headaches... What many suggest and have done with success is cutting your daily dose in half for awhile to let your body adjust to this new medication. I hope this helps regarding your symptoms issue.


Now regarding your relationship questions. I suggest you have your Dominant get tested ASAP. It very well be the case he has Herpes too and may have passed them on. But if he's unaware of it he may also be unaware of other things... So it's just best to get it out of the way. Otherwise I see no issue on being intimate but I will say if you practice controlled asphyxiation such as choking or otherwise I'd hold off on that because you may be experiencing side affects from your medication and could have severe unforeseen issues that otherwise would have been tolerable. Otherwise as far as other BDSM practices I don't see any real issue towards your health or his.


I hope this helps and I wish you well feel better soon.

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First - welcome!


@Enhanced gave you good advice about having him tested and the possible side effects of Valtrex as well as the precautions around how you play. Can't add much to that ;)


Regarding becoming sexually active again ... well you are miles ahead of most in that you know that there are other ways to pleasure already so be thankful you have that! You just have to go at your pace with this - and when you try again, use LOTS of lube to reduce any irritation. Over time you can probably reduce the amount ... the first year is the worst with OB's and such as your body gains control over the virus and it's easy to set it all off.


Odd that causing one pain could make another vanish completely, but it does.


Not odd at all - the body can only deal with so much information at once ... so it "prioritizes" what it makes you aware of .... the more painful an area is, the more you notice it and milder "pains" are ignored. It's "Survival 101" ... if a wounded animal felt all the pain from every injury it got in an attack, it likely wouldn't move ... instead, it will favor the torn up let and ignore the rest of the wounds so it can get away from the attacker.


Those who tend towards being hypochondriacs have managed to override/break the system so that they feel EVERY little tingle and itch to a point of being convinced they are "sick" all the time. And if you know someone like that, you will see how they are "frozen" in much of their life .. ....


There is a very fine line between the pain/pleasure experience. You likely understand that better than most, so use it to your advantage ;)



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Thank you both. I am now on a third dose of what I was on to start with. From 1500 to just 500 mg a day. The fatigue now only comes about an hour after taking the medication, which is odd, but I take it at bed time.


I had the chance for intimacy, and as long as and I hate to say this, as long as I thought of my Dom I had no issue for moisture. My husband is being safe and using protection. Since mine is Type 1 I could have gotten it from either my husband or Dom. And Dom has been tested for other STD, and is scheduled for herpes testing. He had to wait 3 months from my outbreak, in case it was from the same incident.


And he loves helping me past the pain point. I am not complaining, mind you, being a masochist, I love pain of any kind. Including, if I can't find other means, biting my own fingers to feel the "tingle" of pain.


I just hate being sick and taking medication. I just got off all my other medications several months ago...anti depression, anti cholesterol, anti anxiety, anti insomnia...and now I take an anti viral. My new question is can this make me gain weight? I just lost 68 pounds from the other meds, and do not want to gain it back.


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Anti virals shouldnt make u feel sick, a little tired maybe.. and they shouldnt make u gain any weight from what ive read up on, *could be wrong tho. But i think you should be fine. Antivirals help the body in a waaayyy different way than the other type of meds like aniti depressants and such. Just m.o.

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I'm wondering if you are having anxiety from the diagnosis and are "self medicating" with food??? Again, I have never heard of the anti-virals causing weight gain. I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm guessing if you need to get the "release" that you get from pain (the endorphins will act like a drug and give you a "high") that it may be useful to get counseling to see if you can find other coping mechanisms for the anxiety IF food and the pain-release are how you "self medicate". Just a thought .....


Depending on where your OB's are, the condoms may or may not protect your husband... if the condom doesn't cover the area where the OB was, it's not going to do much protecting :p I assume he knows about your Dom and the risks involved with a 3rd party then? I'm not judging at all over here... just trying to get a picture of your situation .... and do you know if your hubby has Type 1? Otherwise he should get tested too ... probably not a bad idea anyway, to get a definite baseline on all of your status's. ;)



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I've tried the counseling route, and will not do that again. The "doctors" here in my town focus on your sex life. I find a happy release of the pain when I'm with my Dom. I don't over eat, as I'm very aware of calories and such, as I don't want to gain weight.


I don't know what type my husband has, but his outbreaks are always oral, and he's had them for years. Actually since before I married him. He does not know about my Dom, as we keep our 2 lives separate. (1 being marriage/kids *vanilla*, 2nd is us) It is able to be done. I know my Dom is going to be tested, and we've realized his spouse also has Type 1, so it's possible that we both had this, but I've never had an outbreak before now.


I've actually gotten over the anxiety, as it stemmed from my father's passing. It was also part of my depression from the same event. I was very close to him. It was also during this time I attempted to live a vanilla life, and found recently that it was something I missed doing. I had been in the lifestyle for several years before marrying, and now I've returned.


It's helped me with coping with several things. This is a speed bump for us, but it's not changed much, other than watching for symptoms I have. My Dom just thought it unusual that he hasn't ever had an outbreak of any type. No cold sores, cankers, or other. He's been with his spouse for 14 years, I with mine for 19. They both carry Type 1.

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Ok - so if everyone is carrying Type 1 then you have less worry about passing it to them genitally ...tho it *can* happen ... I'm guessing that you got it with oral sex... and it IS possible you've carried this for some time. You could have got it from either of them.... I have a client who had H2 for 40 yrs before her first OB (she's married and quite monogamous). Herpes is a slippery devil....


Bottom line is, 80% of people have Oral Herpes and 80% don't know and those who do often have no idea of Asymptomatic Shedding or that it can head south with Oral sex. So you are far from alone in this......


So - as for your symptoms, you may want to try to split the meds in half and spread out the dosing while your body gets used to them, and drink plenty of water. If you keep having trouble, talk to your Dr. But it may just be like anti-depressants and your body needs to adjust to them.



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Thanks Dancer. I'm switching to take it at bedtime, thinking it'll make me sleep. But if that doesn't work, I'll break them in half. You'd think being on week 3 of this I'd have gotten used to it. Today wasn't so bad, I got up at 930 and no nap needed. That alone is progress for me. I also don't have the headache either today. So maybe time is what I needed adjusted.

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Oh my goodness I'm so glad to find someone from the same community! Are you experiencing a lot of shaming and ignorance within the BDSM world? I hear a lot of s-types talking garbage about those who have it and treating them like lepers :( Have you found it difficult to function in the lifestyle? Are you open about it? Both my partner and I are in the community and i'm scared to death that D types will find out and not want to play and s-types will want nothing to do with me.

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I actually have told a couple D and s types. 1 of the s admitted she has it also. And both couples actually still want to play. I'm demo dollie for the one D tonight. They seem open and accepting of me and my H case. I know of at least 1 D that has it also.


And it does help. I just wish I could hit that space more often. Right now I'm clear of anything. That's the key to play time. If I have any, then play has to be put off. I do remind myself to remain calm and take each day one at a time.


I actually am pain free right now, which is a blessing. Feel free to message me. I don't mind talking about the LS. I'm sure we can find interesting ways to help each other.

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@ Athena


I'm going to be perfectly blunt here. And I'm NOT judging at all. But anyone who has a LS where multiple partners are part of the deal will be at a FAR greater risk of Herpes and HPV ... so anyone in that LS who passes judgement is seriously needing to have their STD education updated AND very likely they have not been tested for everything because if they had, they'd know the risks (ie: Condoms DON'T protect you from everything and people LIE about their status because of the fear of rejection, and justify lying because it's a one-off hook-up or that they have no attachments to you, or they think they can control it by not having sex without an OB).


In the end, we ALL take a risk when we have sex with a new partner of ANY kind. The only guarantee for STD avoidance is abstinence, and I don't think any of us here are into that :p . Even in a monogamous relationship, a partner can have a "lapse of judgement". And when getting into a monogamous relationship, you would need to avoid sex for 4-6 months, then go get tested together and then SEE each other's results. And you can *still* get HPV from a guy because there is no test for men for HPV so you wouldn't know whether he carried one of the 40ish types or not (and according to the CDC, pretty much ANY sexually active person will get one type or other of HPV in their lifetime barring a union between 2 virgins with absolutely no sexual activity including oral sex.


So if anyone in your LS starts bad-mouthing you, it would be a good time for you to graciously educate them (have the handouts from here with you in your purse) and offer to help them get better educated. ;) And one last thought:


I hear a lot of s-types talking garbage about those who have it and treating them like lepers


Sounds to me like that's a place where the s-type might be "taking control" of their sexual activity ... sounds counter-intuitive but my *understanding* is that a lot of S types are likely to have high pressure, "control" lifestyles outside of the bedroom so it's *possible*(just my theory) that it might sort of "bleed" into their sex life in that way. Especially if they are very judgmental in real life ;)


Sounds like @Tania can help you to figure out how to deal with it within your community ... so I'd pick her brains as much as you can. And maybe you guys could come up with an educational site/blog/whatever to inform people in the LS about STD's and Herpes in particular. I'm sure there would be many who, like folks here, would be very grateful to have a safe place where they could get their questions answered by people who understand the LS and the risks ;)



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Dancer, that's a great idea. There is already a site up and running. It has a separate group within it that is for H + people. They are open minded there. Anyone wanting this site can message me. I'll gladly give it out, along with the group link.


And not all in the LS have multiple sex partners. Most of mine are just for the non-sex stuff. I only am with my Dom, except the 1 time. That one time may have infected us both.

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