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lively

The Herpes Talk!

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My last disclosure was 8 months ago, with a guy I really liked. My previous one to that was 18 years ago and my only previous, so I was nervous. 18 years ago I didn't know about this shame thing, just told the guy then and he was fine. 8 months ago I had discovered shame + I'm sure I communicated it; the man concerned was compassionate and respectful but clear he didn't want to take the risk. The experience made me aware of how much of the culture's shame I'd taken on. I've worked a lot since then on clearing up ALL my feelings about it, my thoughts of 'no one will love me' etc, you all know the thoughts; I've also realised that we have to provide the safe space by being ok in ourselves before we go out dating....ok no matter what response we get; and that the victory is in sharing our vulnerability regardless of response.

 

So I read the ebook again, thanks Adrial! Not sure I was going to disclose just yet as it was our first date.......but such obvious attraction, and an 8 hour date as he was from out of town.......well having prepared, I just sat him down, and away I went. He was so cool....all over in 5 minutes. He said he was sure he had been exposed to it and was probably a carrier any way. SO not an issue; onto other subjects without missing a beat. He slept on the sofa, big cuddle and chat this morning and off he went.

 

Apart from borrowing Marie's starter.....'when did you last have a sexual health test' (thanks Marie), I pretty much just followed the ebook. It works! though you have to have a clear space in yourself. So if you can't create that yourself, contact Adrial for some coaching, it's much faster to learn from someone who knows how to do it.

 

So we have started a new adventure. I'm taking Valtrex; if we get to the longterm stage I may ask him to get tested properly so that I know whether I need to keep taking it, but for the moment my own excitement about him + our new relationship could trigger an episode so I'll just keep taking it.

 

Big thanks to everyone for the wonderful support here, I certainly couldn't have got to here without all of you. Whatever stage you are in, be encouraged! there is a learning curve about both the condition and how to develop emotional strength and this is the place for it. Will keep you posted!

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dear LIVELY, your post is a lively, lovely, breath of fresh air. Thank you. and good luck with this new guy--he sounds fantastic--yet what i like about him is his response: "he was sure he had been exposed to it and was probably a carrier any way." This is very true. i recently heard someone say that one can walk inside any NYC bar (or any US bar) and figure out how many barflies with HSV are present; all one needs to do is count: 1, 2, 3, herpes... 1, 2, 3, herpes...

 

I started doing that in the subway, at the movies, in the classroom... anywhere in NYC where huge crowds abound.

 

but back to you: i hope this new adventure takes you places where connection, fulfillment--both individual and in unity--comfort, laughter, and hot sex are the essence. you've earned it; no because you've been living with hsv and that's such a drag of a life, but because you are a child and a woman of the universe, and you were born beautiful and perfect. there's nothing extra to do to earn the right to love and be loved... it's what we're here for. so go on. get out here. have fun!!

 

on a different note: does your new guy have a gay brother?

just playing ;)

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Actually Carlos, you never know, lots of guys DO have a gay brother! but given that he lives in southern New South Wales, in Australia, probably not so useful even if he does....he lives 6 hours drive away from me in Sydney so we have other challenges. Thankyou for your lovely response Carlos, you have been such an encouragement to me through your posts too. We are each others' cheer squads whatever happens; keep us posted on your adventures too...and you are SO right, we are all creatures of life and all entitled to love and be loved. So we will see how life unfolds for us all, thankyou so much for your wonderful wishes.

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Ur welcome lively!!! I am sooooo happy for you!!!! This is just awesome, and I am so proud of you!!! Ur guy sounds great, doesn't it feel so good to have someone accept you completely!, especially someone so new in ur life! Cannot tell you how thrilled I am for you girl!! Please please keep me updated :)

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Thankyou so much Marie, your little starter was the perfect opening. Having a place to share our successes and learnings is so wonderful. Your story really inspired me, I remember thinking, knowing I would be meeting this man soon, she's my trailblazer, I'm next. You were so generous in your detailed sharing, it encouraged me hugely. So here's one more successful disclosure to encourage everyone else. It's true teamwork here. Much love to you, so glad yours is going well and happily.

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thankyou Lelani, great to have a positive story to contribute. As we do our healing there comes the time we have the breakthrough, and discover it really is true that we are so much more than H and some gorgeous sexy men do get our beauty and worth :-)

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