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domh21

Moving on

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It's been almost a month since I found I had hsv2. It has definitely been a roller coaster. I was so devastated. I actually believe I know the precise moment it happened. I had starting seeing my ex again, we have had an on-and-off relationship for years. Sad to say, 9 years i never got over him after he broke up with me. He was my first and I never really stopped loving him and he always knows how to get back in with me.

 

Well anyways I ironically was going to my general doctor for a general check up and I was feeling uncomfortable. i thought I had hemroids or it was cuz my ex was too rough or something. i also felt like i was having a uti which im prone too. well the doctor said I was ok and gave me something for the irritation and some antibiotics and I thought that was it but then I noticed what I thought was an ingrown hair and I went to urgent care and was told it was indeed just that I was relieved but over the weekend it was worse. I went to urgent care again. The doctor at urgent care took one look and said I had herpes. I wanted to hear anything but that! I keep trying to explain what I had done and treatment I took and the whole thing she asked me how many people I'd been with in this disgusted way. I was so sad. I have only been with 3 people and two of them were years ago and I was safe.

 

Sadly, I trusted my ex in that he was ok and we were monogamous. I was big on that and always getting tested. Now it is clear to me he may have never gotten tested and in this whole time he's been with other people. I hurt because I should've been smarter, but I know so much more now about this. I know there is no 100 percent safe. It was so bad I didn't want to go home and face my mom although she's supported me through everything.

 

I went straight to my ex and told him and he tried to calm me down. He seemed supportive, but in denial as much as me but when I got the confirmation when I went to my gyno and I called him over. I told him I have herpes. He wouldn't even look at me. I was freaking out and he was like "oh it's no big deal ... it sucks, but it's ok." I was like "Have you checked? Are you going to check?" He just seemed annoyed and said he had to leave. He had things to do and I was like "I thought you were here for me" he's like "ok yea but I have things I have my priorities and I just told him to leave."

 

I haven't heard from him since. I'm sure he's in denial and this is God's way of protecting me from something so much worse. I've been through so much with him. So much. This is it for me. I have to let go and love and accept me for me. Before I found this site I already disclosed to my mother who was amazing and has been there for me and so supportive. She says this doesn't change anything and she loves me and is proud of me. She even slept with me when I couldn't sleep. I was so freaked out about passing it to her or spreading it to other parts of my body and I still kind of am scared of that.

 

My doctors have been very supportive and sat down with me to encourage me to live and go forward. That this is common and I didn't do anything wrong. They were so much better than the urgent care doctor I got before. I have had symptoms here and there and also had bacterial vaginosis. I can't lie, i went beyond everyday thinking I had spread it somewhere else. It's been scary.

 

I disclosed to my close friends and no one has rejected me. In fact, they have told me their stories and loved me and pushed me forward. Nothing has changed in their eyes. They reassure me constantly that i will be loved and succeed and that i can have kids and everything i want. I even went away to San Diego with friends, but i came home and broke down.

 

In disclosing, I found relief in being myself. I am still struggling emotionally. This website has inspired me though to see that I can still live and have the amazing life I wanted — I just need to change my mentality. I feel fortunate that my first herpes episode wasn't as bad as I've read. I hope it doesn't get worse I hardly knew I was having this despite the discomfort but now I know. I was feeling symptoms thinking I was just tired but now I know.

 

What hurts I guess is that my ex just left high and dry and either he knew or he didn't I reached out to him one last time and nothing. He probably is living still in denial and will continue doing what he did not caring. He was the only person who has rejected me. I know I don't need him and I want real love. My faith i God is a big force in carrying me through every day I believe I'm being protected in some way. I will go on. I will survive this and I am so grateful to have stumbled on this page. I have so many questions lol I'm sorry I wrote so much. Thank you for your positive stories.

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Hi Domh :-) Glad you found us too :-). You know sometimes I say a silent thankyou for H - it can point us in the right direction in life and I think it has for you right now - away from a man who doesn't have enough integrity to be there for you and to bail out. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love...and there is always a reason for on/off relationships not becoming permanently on. You are right...you don't need him and his love isn't real.

 

How wonderful you have support with your Mum ( I would have done the same as her) and your friends. They are right...you will find love (and with H it has to be real!) and have kids and a wonderful life...its all in how you think :-). I love the title of your post..I think you are moving on with strength and support and any questions you have just fire away. We are all here to help each other and I know when I have needed it the support has been awesome.

 

And as for the ex...in rejecting you sadly he is rejecting himself and anyone doing that is not in the right space for a loving relationship.

 

Thank you for your positive story...it great to hear you have good support. Look after yourself and focus on the good people you have in your life :-) It says a lot about you as a person that you have them around you :-)

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Domh. You inspire me. When you wrote "In disclosing, I found relief in being myself," my heart melted for you. Yes, this is exactly it. What hurts the most is when we suppress who we are, thinking that now that we have herpes we can't actually be us. Not true. You're already seeing that.

 

And yes, WOW, what an AMAZING mom it sounds like you have. You have so much support. That is beautiful. And what's most beautiful is that you're supporting yourself, too.

 

Trust me, it gets so much better. And there can be a beautiful opportunity in suffering, what is available for YOU to get about YOURSELF. That you are beautiful and worthy of love and whole and complete. There's nothing wrong with you. That doctor in the emergency room represents the ignorant stigma. But you know better. You know you aren't disgusting. You know you are beautiful.

 

Your ex leaving you high and dry is another manifestation of denial and stigma. I would imagine it has little to do with you and a lot more to do about his own relationship to himself.

 

And hey, (I'm not religious, but totally accept people who are) I'm glad you feel supported by God, but I also want to give you the acknowledgement that YOU are making these decisions for yourself. God can't make you strong, can't carry you without YOU doing that for yourself first. So I'm proud of you for deciding to go about this in such a positive way, to take care of yourself.

 

Know always that we are here for you if you need us.


Free e-book & handouts: https://herpesopportunity.com/free-ebook-signup.html 
The Opportunity Lifestyle Guides: https://herpeslife.com/opportunity2
Book a one-on-one coaching session: http://adriallifecoaching.com

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Thank you Leilani and Adrial. I really appreciate your feedback and support. I am still struggling with focusing on my normalcy. It has been so difficult focusing at work. I am an administrative assistant and supervisor is really micro managing I have taken a few days off and I don't want this to interfere with my work. It has been so hard staying on task and I need to because I have so much work. I'm trying to manage my stress because I know this could affect future breakouts. My questions for you or anyone is do you or have you had lower back pain almost like an annoying feeling like I'm assuming it's a nerve symptom and also did or have any of you had night sweats because of this. Mine aren't bad but I have noticed that I am a little bit warm but no fever. I am trying not to freak out at every little thing because something's aren't related. I was so scared about having my period and whether to use tampons or to use pads. And grooming as far as shaving my legs and the nether regions lol I have been concerned about that. Can anyone shed some light on these aspects for me? Thank you.

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domh21,

 

Sending you a big hug. I know this is really hard to deal with in the middle of work and a busy life. It feels huge right now, but you are going to find a new normal. Just take it a day at a time.

 

My username is also a good set of instructions. :) When you feel the panic rising, breathe (most of us don't take nearly enough deep breaths) and visualize yourself letting go of the worry and anxiety you are feeling. Imagine it floating away like a balloon. I am a firm believer in letting go, or surrendering, being the first step toward getting what we need to cope.

 

In regard to your girly questions...tampons, pads, it doesn't matter. Do what you have always done. I know there isn't a medical issue with either choice, though others with experiential advice might chime in.

 

Shaving is the same. Obviously shaving during an outbreak is not the best idea, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to...just do what you feel comfortable with. You will learn to read your body's signals quickly.

 

As for your lower back pain and night sweating, it could be related, the back pain I know others have mentioned, but again....worrying about it is a terrible plan for healing. ;) Relax and take really good care of yourself right now. Nurture yourself.

 

We are here for you...keep posting... and breathing!

 

Kristin

aka breatheandletgo

 

I

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Kristin, this is a good reminder in general for all of us ... I know I've gotten trapped in the idea that in order to heal and move on, I need to DO something. The opposite has actually been the case for me. Sinking into the moment and just letting go of thoughts of the past or anticipation of the future is one of the most healing things we can do for ourselves. Then we sink into connection with ourselves. In the moment. That's what we truly need to deeply heal.


Free e-book & handouts: https://herpesopportunity.com/free-ebook-signup.html 
The Opportunity Lifestyle Guides: https://herpeslife.com/opportunity2
Book a one-on-one coaching session: http://adriallifecoaching.com

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Thank you all so much. I feel the love and support and send it right back. A huge hug to all of you and I am wishing you all a great day. Happy Halloween (one of my fave holidays). Thanks again and I will be in touch :x

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You are a very strong woman! You go girl!

Your ex sounds very weak and you have reach way beyond him...by facing the facts and protecting yourself. This experience will only make us stronger and learn how people REALLY truly are.

Move forward and never look back!

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I was freaked out about about passing it to other parts of my body as well. I quickly learned through research that hsv1 is more likely to be spread to the eyes/mouth and other places. It is highly disputed that hsv2 can be transferred other than the genitals.

 

Believe me, I took showers as if my lady parts were a Bio hazard for months. You cant live like that and i have since stopped taking such extreme cautions.

I hope you are faring well and your worries have ceased. Its really not as scary as it seems. I think that since H has such a stigma the only info out there is about extreme cases.

Good luck and much love!

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JC Thank you. I needed that. I was actually getting blue right now. After this post last week in fact my ex contacted me to discuss this amongstt other things. It's really hard for me because he was my first love. We have this history and weird bond. But anyways he apologized and said he was scared and trying to process but supposedly he went and got tested. Still he has not inquired about his results which frustrates me. I can't very well force him to face this. That is his responsibility but that fact frustrates me. He said the doctor told him visually he was fine but I think we all know that this virus can stay hidden if it wants. He did mention he had cold sores before something I never knew because I never saw him with one but again now I know more. But it frustrates me. Part of me wants answers but the other part realizes that no matter what the response is it doesn't change what has happened to me. I have H. The only thing is it gives me someone to blame but I don't want to blame anyone. I thank you for your comment because it uplifted me right now.

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scornedvillager, yes!! I know what you mean about your lady parts seeming like a bio hazard omg!! I like hardly even touch myself lol I patted myself one day as if to say you're ok you're still beautiful. but little by little I've calmed down. I have to tell myself it's not that bad. I'm glad that someone else understands me!! Do you take antivirals? or are you doing the natural route? I'm just wondering because I think I've been paranoid because I stopped taking the meds. I know they don't cure and I can do this without meds which I want to but for some reason it was a sense of comfort to me.

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