Worrying about herpes

[domh21]

Good morning!!! Well the past few days I've seemed to lose my positivity I've found myself back in obsessing over side affects of acyclovir is it true ill lose my hair? Sometimes I obsess over whether to eat this or that it's worse than when I'm normally eating healthy to lose weight. I feel sad. I go to bed early I just feel out of it. I was even obsessing over going back in that six month window to check that my other tests are ok as for now the rest of the bloodwork and std testing is clear and I rejoice over that. I know it's crazy to sit here and worry about shit I can't control or don't know but alas I have been. I am a very social person and I always have a lot going with friends and somehow I find myself talking myself out of it. I have pushed myself throughout this month to exercise and still keep up my gym routine I even joke that this is no excuse to gain my weight back. I seem to be lucky in my ob was nothing like I read about and perhaps that is part of have fear and worry because I read about so many people who had it so bad I'm wondering does it increasingly get worse. I hope not. Yesterday I went to a film festival where they showed a little documentary I contributed to and I was happy to be there and be just being me. I want to go back to school for my Masters and move on I don't want this to be another excuse I use as to why I can't succeed. I went to dinner with my mom after and I allowed myself to eat what I wanted. I do that sometimes just as I would when I was watching my weight. I'm trying not to obsess about eating but I am trying to support my body. I know i got to get a grip so i can find a new normal and quit wasting time and killing my joy. anyways anyone want to calm the paranoid worry wart here and kick me up in a positive way? It would be so welcomed. Hope you all have a good day!!

[Shannon (SingBlueSilver)]

Hi, everyday is different than the next I've found. Some days it's tough to be positive. On those, I'm trying to tell myself, this too shall pass and remember that I haven't always felt like this and won't always. It sounds like your weight issues are more of a problem than the herpes. Since weight is something you can control, I'd say focus on that. But not in a worry-wort negative way. Just keep sticking with your plan to exercise and be healthy because it is in your control. The H isn't so there's nothing we can do but accept at this point. Don't let H ruin your positive changes in your body. I hate working out and I need to lose about 15 lbs at this point. And I definitely reward myself with food...bad day, bad food. I actually think food issues can be more hard to conquer than accepting H!!! I know it sounds crazy but maybe you understand? I've been up and down all my life with weight and i"m not happy about it now but let me tell you a secret that i've learned in my 39 years of life...and I think you're a girl....Men don't care about weight as much as we think they do!!! Ok, perhaps some. But I've found that I've had more men after me recently than ever before and I'm not thin! What I have is self confidence and that's more attractive than you would think. OK, I'm on my soap box now! Sorry! I'm just discovering so much about me that I didn't know! Did you read my blog? http://herpeslife.com/genital-herpes-stigma-as-an-opportunity-to-help

 

I hope it helps you as well. Basically, I'm growing and changing so much because of this condition. It's crazy but it's become a positive thing for me. Let me know if you want to talk more. I don't have all the answers but I like to help! :-)

[JustAnotherOne]

I am doing the same thing. I was diagnosed almost a month ago, and my initial outbreak was pretty bad. I still have discolored skin and I'm worried that large patches will be scarred permanently. (Can you imagine? especially when everyone else is done in 7-10 days!) I'm pretty scared that even if someone did want to be with me, the physical scarring would be too much and they'd freak out.

 

I haven't been able to hang with friends, or be social for more than brief intervals, because I inevitably start worrying and comparing my life now to theirs. I was hitting the gym and loving the way my body was looking but since the diagnosis I lost a lot of time being sick and depressed. I still don't feel like getting back to training and that there really is no point in becoming this "hot" person if you aren't able to be a sexual being. I have been eating poorly and took up my long ditched habit of smoking, and that isn't helping anything though it does help the stress and give me an excuse to get out and be alone. However, I know this will have to end soon.

 

Though it's dark, cold and lonely now, it might not be that way in a while, perhaps even sooner than you think. I know I'm gonna have to start up again and am making plans to do things; get back in shape, get a better job, be around and make friends, volunteer, because when the time comes and we get out of this more traumatic period, and we do want to start to try and really live again, that we'll be so far behind from where we wanted to be.

 

I'm no doctor, but do what you gotta do to feel better for the time being, you don't need to freak out over eating something fattening or whatever. You can do that from time to time. Just think of where you want to be long term (you mentioned a master's). If you just stay working toward that consistently, it's gonna happen and the little 'bad' things you do or enjoy aren't gonna matter as much.

 

I don't think your outbreaks will get worse over time. You might need to figure out what works for you as far as meds, diet and supplements, but it typically gets less frequent and severe as your body builds anti-bodies.

 

Keep going to the film festivals, hang out with your mom [i haven't seen mine since diagnosis and I could use one of her comforting back scratches that she gave me when I was upset as a kid], stay engaged socially with your friends. ENGAGE, it's hard but you can do it. You'll need to for that master's and to make sure that as time goes by you are in a better situation. Everyone says "it takes time," but that doesn't mean you have to sit around and wait, use the time. Just don't hurt yourself. And check out and comment on other posts. People here, especially those with more experience, help me realize not to give up and that we are gonna be ok.

 

We are gonna be ok.

 

Good luck, and much love.

[domh21]

Hey just another one thank you for responding. Have you heard of a man named JR Martinez? He was on dancing with the stars. He was in Iraq and he was severely injured he suffered burns to all his body. He's gone through multiple surgeries and he's scarred and disfigured all over his body. Why am I telling u this story because he felt the same way you are feeling. I watched his interview this week he went into detail about his surgeries and all the pain and how he felt no woman would wan to look at him or kiss his scarred face but he met a beautiful woman and they're married now and have a child. His wife said his heart his personality was what she fell in love with what made him beautiful. Yes these are two different situations but you know what if someone wants you for you they are a gem. I know how you feel I didn't wan to work out I hardly touch my privates anymore I have had to reacquaint myself with my body because no matter what has happened I am still me. My vagina isn't ugly just as your body isn't ugly. You're healing. Just as you helped me today be uplifted I'm hoping you will find strength in this and know you are not alone. We should take care of our bodies and ourselves because we are deserving and worthy of that, sex or no sex. Thank u for commenting and I hope you heal and get strength.

[Alyssa (formerly abby83)]

Hello friends. There are a few things in these posts I want to address. First of all, domh21, from my own experience, from everything I've read and from everyone I've spoken to about this, it only gets easier. The first outbreak is the worst and subsequent ones should be less severe and occur less often. Personally, my first one, while painful and uncomfortable, was mild compared to what I've heard from other people. And each one was less and less painful until they became nothing more than a nuisance. However, they were very regular and occurred often. For the first year and a half or so, I didn't go more than a month without one. They would pop up, make me cry and hide, go away within about 2 weeks, and then come back 3-4 weeks later. The physical pain was minimal but the psychological toll it took on me was devastating. Then slowly they started to come less often and now, almost 4 years later, I'm happy to say I've been outbreak-free for close to 8 months. And I've never heard of anybody else's getting worse so you shouldn't worry about that; they should only get better.

 

Second, stop obsessing about what you're eating! Actually, stop obsessing about anything! Any kind of obsession will cause you more harm than good. I truly believe that our thoughts have a far greater impact on us than anything we put in/do to our bodies. There is such a strong connection between our psychological/mental/emotional health and our physical health and it is sooo important for our physical bodies to try to stay positive and keep stress to a minimum. I can't stress this enough! And this isn't voodoo/witchcraft nonsense. In fact there is tons of scientific evidence supporting the mind-body connection. It's pretty incredible actually. Many of our current killers, or "diseases of civilization" can be attributed almost entirely to the amount of stress we deal with on a daily basis (among other things, of course) and the physiological effects that occur as a result of that stress. The damage that is caused to our immune systems by stress is so severe and the most important thing you can do for yourself right now is keep your immune system in tip-top shape. So be kind and gentle with yourself. Feed your soul right now, however feels right. I'm not saying to go out and eat 12 big macs, but if you find comfort in something and you indulge it, just accept it for what it is and don't beat yourself up. And just make sure to enjoy every bite!

 

Third, if your initial outbreak (and I assume any subsequent ones) wasn't too terrible, may I ask why you're taking the acyclovir? I decided when I was diagnosed not to take anti-virals cause I was in a monogamous relationship with the guy who gave it to me and my outbreaks, though frequent, were not terribly painful or uncomfortable. My doctor suggested I take it daily but after doing some research I really didn't think it was necessary. I had a prescription on hand for if/when I had a really bad outbreak and I took it a few times but never for more than a few days. And only in the very beginning. I'm not a huge fan of any medications, especially ones taken long-term. I have no judgment toward you one way or another, I just feel like doctors often push these pills on us and we tend to blindly accept their recommendations. And if you're worried about side effects then I strongly encourage you to do some research and make an informed decision. I have read (though I don't know how much evidence there is to support this) that it may be better not to take anti-virals when you first get the virus so as to allow your body to build up antibodies and a natural immunity toward it. I'm not a doctor but from my knowledge of human physiology, that justification seems logical to me. As I said, I hold no judgment either way, and if your outbreaks are disturbing your quality of life (physically, emotionally, however) than by all means take the pills! I'm just a huge advocate for people to take control of their own health and not just do whatever their doctor says. I have had a fair amount of negative experiences with doctors and now generally steer in the direction of more holistic and natural approaches to my health. (And I dated a doctor for a little while-- he was dumb as rocks!) The only time I've taken acyclovir regularly was when I was dating someone who didn't have herpes and that was just to reduce the risk of transmission. But I made it clear to him that if our relationship became more serious, we would have to discuss other options cause I didn't want to take them long-term. Point-being, do some research, if you haven't already, and make an informed decision as to what's best for you.

 

Lastly, JustAnotherOne, one thing I've learned about men is that most of them couldn't care less about what our lady-parts look like. So don't worry so much about the scarring. Trust me, if you're willing to show it to them, there is a really good chance they won't even notice. Once you're naked, brain functioning seems to go out the window and there is little else they're thinking about. (Sorry guys, but I've yet to be proven wrong about this.) And, if there is a connection deeper than just sex, then he will love you for you and think that you're beautiful not even in spite of, but because of your imperfections.

[domh21]

Alyssa,

 

I wish I had read this before I posted this morning lol I have stopped taking the acyclovir. I have gone back to my normal self. I am just enjoying life. I am so grateful you posted this. I do feel the damage that has been done is more psychological with the stigma. I also don't want to be on meds. I have the prescription if I need it. I must admit I've always been a worrier, about everything. I am working on that. I think H has been a gift in a way to help me finally stop stressing about everything in my life and stop worrying and just be good to myself. I am so glad you responded and I appreciate this. Thank you

[lelani]

Hey Domh...I answered your other message...yeah don't obsess!!! And give up the worry...that's the worst thing ever for not being happy. And yeah you can be happy with H...and H can push you into learning how to open yourself to it. You will still get sad and sometimes anxious but those emotions pass and you find that good place quicker and more importantly, even when you worry and stress you know that its still there and what you need to do to get back to it. I've just had a sad time, but it only lasted a few days and now I'm back to feeling good again! So focus on the things you enjoy, ditch worrying and have some fun!!! :-)

[LiveNLearn]

I also answered your other post about the fitness classes. Acyclovir made me feel really badly. Anxious, stressed, dizzy, off-balance. It did bad things in my body. I am glad you have stopped taking it. My initial outbreak was HORRIBLE, too. However, you will not have scars. What tends to happen is with subsequent outbreaks, the blisters come back in the same spots...but once healed you don't have scars. No one will be able to look at you and tell you have Herpes. I am married to the man who gave me hsv, as he did not know he even had it. He is an asymptomatic carrier. Lucky him I say! :) And, honestly, even if I had known when I met him that he had hsv2, I loved him enough to be with him regardless. Statistics tell us that about 1 in 4 people have hsv. You are far from alone, and it may surprise you that as you go on with your life and meet prospective partners, not all of them are going to run away from you screaming. And those that do, well, they don't deserve to be in your life anyway...being such judgemental and uneducated folks. Well, check out my other response to your other post, and please contact me directly if you want to talk. Sounds like we may have quite a few similarities in how our bodies respond to hsv.

[JC81]

I've been stressing myself because every sensation has me believing I'm going to have another outbreak anytime. I'm trying to relax too, but its difficult knowing the unknown. I took Valtrex for my primary outbreak and my sore was basically gone 2 days into my treatment.

 

Today I ate EVERYTHING in site. I'm kicking myself because I should be in training and exercising 6-7 times a week and I haven't done anything. I'm just so depressed and nauseous all the time (think I'm still showing symptoms) that I haven't even been wanting to workout. I have people over my shoulder because I haven't been working out and their professionals that I'm training with. I just have to say that I'm not feeling well, but the entire binge...they won't understand my emotional wreck right now. I will try and not stress with you :) You are not alone! We can do this!