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kitcattat

My herpes story so far

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I'm new here so I thought I would share my story.

I got diagnosed with herpes about a month and a half ago, right around my birthday (some gift). I had a rough summer, I went through a break-up, dealt with lots of drinking and lots of sleeping around. SO my life was a little out of control at this point. Well I was intimate with this guy who was nothing more than a hook up and after one night I just felt so sick soooo unbelievably sick and just knew something was wrong. One night I went to the ER and it was confirmed I have herpes. I was relieved, worried, upset, all sorts of emotions, you name it. I felt like this was my wake up call to get my life under control and stop just pissing it away. I told the guy I KNEW I got it from and he had all sorts of emotions too. He was relieved I wasn't pregnant (uhh ok?) and he was like oh I'll help you get through this. Then would switch over and be like Oh your the only girl i've been with the last 6 months (yeah right), Ive never had an outbreak how can I have passed it to you? He claimed he got tested 2 days after we hooked up too and he was clean. But then he really goes and gets tested a week later and surprise surprise he has HSV 1, and guess what thats what I have too! What a coincidence.

 

The first few weeks with H were really not bad, I felt good, like this happened for a reason and my life was going to turn around. I felt like I was keeping this huge thing from everyone, but I was optimistic. Just recently, is when I really started to struggle.

 

I met a guy and things were going very very well. I felt honest,comfortable, open with him, he was very sweet and caring. I really enjoyed being around him, but I always felt like I was hiding something. The way I ended up telling him kind of worked out perfectly,because he had a "bomb" to drop on me and he was like well do you have some sort of bomb to drop on me? I tell him yeah but now is not the time to tell you. So our next date I promised I would tell him and I thought I had it all planned out, but the minute i see him I lose it. I told him and it was so sloppy, so emotional and not how I wanted it to go at all, but I did it!!!! The look on his face was devastating and the way he kind of acted like nothing had happened that night made it worse. But as we talked more and more about it, he told me he actually has HSV 1 but he thinks he's asymptomatic of just gets cold sores. He also decided to pursue this "relationship" or whatever it is. Things were awesome, until.... one night we decided to get intimate and we talked (barely) about if this is what he wanted to do and we agreed. So me being a dumb girl that almost never lets her guard down, let her guard down and let the crazy out. I of course get more attached because, oh this guy whose been telling me all these wonderful things, taking me on these amazing dates AND accepted that I have herpes, we've just gotten intimate. And of course him being a guy, got what he wanted, and lost interest or so I think. Maybe that's just the crazy talking, but I've come to realize after many many cryfests, anxiety attacks, and self loathing ideas, that maybe this was just like me getting herpes, not such a bad thing, rather a wake up call. I am in no condition to be in a relationship with another person when I've been barely taking care of myself!!!! I need to quit trying to avoiding these important issues and need to focus on me. Not having fun or finding love. I need to build myself back up and get out of this hole I've dug myself in and get my confidence back.

 

I have had both up and down days, but I think Herpes was probably the best thing that could've happened to me. it sucks I had to get it to learn a lesson, it sucks I have to keep hitting rock bottom emotionally, to learn a lesson, but at least I'm learning and improving. This is how I feel so far and today, tomorrow is another story lol

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Thank you for this story, I am glad you don't feel cursed by herpes like lots of people do on here. I found out I have it 2 weeks ago and feel like everything happens for a reason :-) This is a pretty rubbish reason but I am just focusing on me, happy to be me and who knows what will happen. Swings and roundabouts :-)

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kitcattat I can relate to your story in a lot of ways. Obviously some days will be harder than others but it sounds like you have such a mature, grounded head on your shoulders and its phenomenal you can already see a positive side to something like this happening! I agree, since you can't change it and go back might as well use this as an opportunity to focus on self improvement and "getting right in the head" hahah... joke ;)

 

Look forward to chatting more!

 

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Optimist- I feel like my optimism has definitely come through time (feels like a lot longer than it has actually been). I obviously have days where I don't feel like this at all, but I think overall this is the thinking that will help me get through this. But i DEFINITELY agree, focusing on you is so so important.

 

Strengthfromwithin- Thank you :) I literally feel like this is the first week I've started feeling like I described. It's such a hard place to get to and keep at! I definitely am looking forward to chatting more too!

 

 

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