Is it worth the risk

[lennonloves]

I found out I had herpes last May right before I deployed. I told my then boyfriend and he totally freaked out and ended up breaking up with me. I pretty much gave up on sex and dating after that I knew I didnt want to have to tell anyone again. Well when I got overseas I started going to college you know focus on me and my future. Well I met a really hot guy and we have gotten really close and things have been getting steamier lately but I am really scared to disclose that I have herpes. We are both deployed and when we go back to the states in a few months we are not stationed together so I dont know if its going anywhere and I wonder if its even worth it at this point to risk another possible freak out.

 

[mr_hopp]

What are you making the freak out mean about you? If a freak out reminds you or proves to you that you are dirty, disgusting, unlovable, then I could see why disclosing wouldn't be worth it to you. But what if a freak out simply means that someone else can't handle a simple skin condition with a stigma? What if someone else's reaction has more to do about them than it does about you? That is where self-love and self-acceptance become so powerful. Outer conditions don't affect your inner world unless you want them to.

[lennonloves]

I suppose your right I just wish that I wasnt so scared I have never disclosed to a person I liked before. Im not even sure how to say it without sounding like Im damaged. I know that Im not but I feel like thats what it sounds like. How should I bring it up?

 

[lelani]

Hi LL...can imagine how you feel after your boyfriend freaked out. Adrial is right and I can tell that deep down you know it too...its just getting over that fear of not being able to say the words right. Hey read the disclosure e book and just tell him that as you have gotten really close you need to trust him with something about you...honestly you have nothing to loose. If you don't know if it's going anywhere its a good practice disclosure. No you don't know how he will react but that is all about him...not you. If you disclose with caring and honesty you are giving him the opportunity to respond with the same...if he doesn't then again if you respond as you disclosed you will teach him something.

 

I haven't had anyone freak out yet...I may not be with them but they were supportive and learned heaps from me. So treat it as a practice run and if he is sweet with it then yay! If not he's not the one for you and H has sorted that out. Sending you good thoughts :-)

[lennonloves]

I tried to get the disclosure book but for some reason its not working. I know I need to tell him soon its just a matter of when to bring it up. I suppose the sooner the better right?

 

[mr_hopp]

Hey LL! I emailed you a link to download the e-book. And as far as when to disclose, that's all covered in the e-book, too. :) It's a fine line between forcing yourself to disclose too soon and disclosing too late. It all comes down to the question of do you trust him and feel close enough to him to share something vulnerable with him?

[VirgoGirl]

he may not even freak out. You never know!! Just be confident with yourself when you tell him, and if its really worth it, it won't even matter to him. Good luck :)

[lennonloves]

Thank You everyone for the confididence to tell him. I finally did last night and he didnt freak out at all he was actually ok with it. Needless to say i am releived and a lot more confident about disclosing now that I know its not such a big deal.

 

Thanks to all of you!

[VirgoGirl]

That is awesome news! So happy for you! :)

 

I am ready to disclose to my sweetheart this weekend and am feeling a little fearful of it..pretty scary bringing it up for the first time!

 

How did you ease into it, if you dont mind me asking?

[Judith]

I am happy for you,never open myself with this to anybody but seems like a lot of people accept it.thanks a lot.wish you the best

 

 

[shawn]

I've now disclosed it a few times among friends both male and female. In a way I find it easier to deal with when the people you love most and spend the most time with know about it. That way its not all bottled up inside and you don't feel like your dealing with it by yourself. It's risky for sure. But you'd be surprised how many of them say "hey join the club". Probably 7 out 10 friends have or have had an std. Whether it was curable or not, they will more than likely relate. Then it becomes thought of as more of a cold or flu rather than a stigmatic rash.