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Freaking out about this news.. Devastated.. And have a million questions.. Please help!!!


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Thank you @seeker! I'll have to check my area.. I'm actually from VA.. I looked for support groups in VA and all I could find was DC. I'll try setting up a meet up account and see what I can find :-) thank you! Honestly, not even sure I'm ready or in a place to show my face at a support group.. I was feeling pretty strong in the beginning, but I think it was a temporary high. Have sunk back down to reality and am now feeling very low, depressed, and lonely. Scared that I'll be alone forever and that no one will accept me with this. I already had "baggage" (single mom of an amazing 2 year old), now I have even more and I'm just scared and sad right now. Trying my best to stay positive though.. All I can think about is HOW DIFFERENT my life was just a month ago.. My life has already changed so much.. I just hope to feel "normal" again one day :-/ And now I'm struggling with guilt.. HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID AND IRRESPONSIBLE??? I feel like I'll never be able to forgive myself for destroying my life and my future.. I know that it could be so much worse, and I'm so thankful that it's not life threatening and what not, but I'm still struggling. Do you ever feel like that?

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You have not destroyed your life and your future...how the heck have you done that?!?!

 

You have a virus it cannot impact you if you don't let it.

 

Being divorced with a 2 year old is not baggage. It is admirable to be a single mom...you must be a strong woman to be able to raise a child on your own....all great qualities that any man would find attractive.

 

We all feel sad that we were unlucky but there is no need to blame yourself....sex is sex, even if you were the most "responsible" so to speak, you can still catch something...so no sense beating yourself up about that.

 

Go to a support group, really.....it will be good for you.

 

Hugs! You will be ok...this is all new to u

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Thank you @whitedaisies :-) some days are definitely better than others... And it's only been a week! I know that I will be ok eventually.. I know that it's not the end of the world.. But it's definitely still traumatizing to an extent and will just take time to come to terms with. I have to remain thankful that I do not have a life threatening condition and that I have a beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, healthy daughter. This will become just a bump in the road in the long run.. It's just getting there that's difficult lol! A support group and therapy are certainly necessary at this point! Thanks so much for your kind words and your support!

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No problem at all!!!!

 

I do therapy twice a week. It has helped a lot and doing a meet up group to help u socialize will be great too when u r ready.

 

We all have our bad times. U r no different. But when bad times come that means good times have to be round the corner. Don't they? Appreciate the good when it comes.

 

And also make it a point to talk freely with ur daughter when the time comes about sex and stds. I have 3 girls. I have already spoke. To my oldest and she is 12.

 

Good luck!!!

Xo

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Oh absolutely @whitedaisies!!! I will certainly educate her as much as possible.. But like we all know too well, doesn't matter how educated you are.. These things still unfortunately happen to us :-/

 

Yea, I really need to get into therapy to help deal with this.. I find myself being "ok" most of the timr when I'm not alone.. But as soon as I am alone (which luckily isn't too often having a 2 year old) I find myself extremely sad and depressed and unable to think of anything other than H. I do not want my life to revolve around this condition!!! Have you found yourself able to live a pretty "normal" life? Do you still do the things you used to do pre diagnosis? I'm still finding if hard to imagine a good life dealing with this.. But I know that's just the initial reaction..

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hey there chinup, I had my diagnosis not quite 3 weeks. I believe I had my original OB almost a year ago, that disparity helps me put this into reality better because I know if it were that problematic I would have had to deal with more over the last year ( and would have noticed sooner) for me its not knowing what prodrome is and having to have OBs to figure it out kind of sucks. being in florida and being a guy ( I think we itch more than women do) makes it tough. I hear you about being alone, I have a 12 y/o son who doesn't live with me but I see a fair amount, every other weekend fri after school till Monday morning and then a couple overnights in between, he even sometimes sakes to stay more. that Monday after our weekend is murder for me, always has been, worse when my work required me to be alone all day. so I went from having the most important person in my life around to being completely alone even at work! bleech. I play an MMO to help pass the time and get my mind off H, nothing like fighting monsters or other players to make you forget, plus it has a social aspect in that I can talk with other people in my guild.

 

as far as talking with my boy, he has had an ubber sex talk but I didn't really go into STIs and im not sure if his mother did. im in an odd place cause im not comfortable with my ex knowing. its been 7 years since we had any contact of that nature so I see no need for her to know.

 

it will get better, I think about H less everyday. I also find helping people on here can help me. explaining how it gets better to someone else hits home more than trying to figure it out on your own or even hearing it from someone else.

 

plus I had already figured on being alone since im oldish and curmudgeonly plus im missing that inner voice that tells men not to answer honestly when asked to by a woman.

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@seeker - *blushing* here... thank you :) Oh - and there ARE women who can handle honesty ... promise. I couldn't care about how many women a guy was with in his past, as long as I am #1 in his present ;) But just be careful about any comparisons to previous relationships ... THAT's where you need to use the "discretion is the better part of valor" advice ;)

 

@chinup -

 

Be patient with yourself friend... and DO get into one of those meetings ASAP. Really. There is no need to be ashamed with them as they are all in the same boat as you and you will quickly see that H doesn't discriminate and it's not a mark of your moral character. It's just a bit of really crappy luck :(

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@seeker that's great that it hasn't been too problematic for you! That's got to help a bit with the mental state.. When I went in with my bump, she actually thought at first that it wasn't my first OB, but blood tests sort of confirmed that it was a brand new exposure and was my first. I was almost hoping that it wasn't my first thinking that would make it easier to accept. Regardless, at this point, it just is what it is.

 

Oh, single parenting/ coparenting and sharing is so not easy. So far I'm lucky that I'm with her all of the time right now.. But I know the day is coming when it's not going to be this smooth. My estranged husband and I actually still live together at the moment, in different rooms, so it's definitely awkward around here. We were sort of trying to see if we can make it work, but I really don't think he'd ever accept me back "damaged".. And I hate myself for saying that already.. I know I'm not "damaged".. That's the stigma talking.. But I just don't imagine him wanting me back at this point, with this skin condition. Ugh this is just so stressful and so emotional..

 

I'm glad you think about H less and less each day.. Gives me hope that I'll be there eventually too. I find myself trying to fill every possible second with activity to keep my mind busy.. It's exhausting just trying to block the H from my mind.. And I'm a very active person, so I'm trying to get back into my normal workout routine, but I'm terrified that I'll cause an OB.. I have a few races coming up over the next few months and I'm scared I'll have to sit them out :-/

 

Anyways, don't sell yourself short.. Don't give up on finding someone!!! Stay positive.. Things always happen when we least expect them to!!

 

@dancer, thank you! I really do need to find some support group.. Otherwise I'll drive myself crazy.. And I'm trying to be patient.. It's just so hard.. These last 2 weeks have been the longest of my life.. I'm a ball of emotions 24/7 trying up find peace with this new "life". It will take awhile to get over the guilt I feel.. I need counseling too.. I really do :-(

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@chinup

 

So reality check here. The average person lives about 4000 weeks - so while this last 2 weeks seems the "longest" ever, you have likely got another 2000-2500 ahead of you judgng by your posts....and I promise that over time this will be a blip in that timeline ;)

 

Please get counseling and get to a support group - you are NOT damaged and if your hubby values you enough to get back together, then he won't see you as anything but the beautiful person that you are ... promise :)

 

(((HUGS)))

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As always, thank you @dancer! Made an appt for counseling.. Going on Monday! But, as always, got more news today.. Abnormal pap :-( freaking out even more now! I've had one before and it eventually cleared up and was normal again.. Hoping for the same outcome this time! I think I've learned a very valuable lesson.. I am not invincible. I was out playing with fire and now I'm feeling the burn... I can only hope and pray that I'm going to check out ok when I go for a colpo. It's just one thing after the next.. But, I'm trying to remain as positive as I can. I will not waste one day that I'm lucky enough to remain on this earth. And I'm hoping for all of those weeks you mentioned!!!

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So - abnormal Pap may be HPV ... there are about 40 types that affect the genitals ... most are innocuous and clear up on their own. Only about 4-6 cause cancer. And it's a very slow growing kind (about 5 yrs to become cancerous) and easily cleared up with freezing them off if you catch it early. The CDC says EVERYONE will likely get at least one kind of HPV in their lifetime.... it's the most common kind of STD in part because they don't have a test for men yet so they carry it unwittingly unless they get one of the 2 kinds that cause warts (which also clear up with minimal treatment). You will always carry it but it generally goes dormant after a year or two. So don't sweat it ... try taking Folic Acid (pill supplement) ... it cleared mine up (I was told by an OBGYN that it clears up about 30% of abnormal paps).

 

http://www.cdc.gov/hpv/whatishpv.html

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Thank you, dancer! Every time I see that you've commented, I always feel better :-) Yes, they said it was HPV and I've actually already been exposed previously.. It eventually "went away" so I'm hoping this one will too! I have had the guardisil vaccine, so I'm hoping for no serious issues or complications!! Just one more thing to add to the stress at a not good time! Just praying that this is it.. I've learned my lesson.. I just want my health back.. All I can think of is my daughter and finding out some terrible news and learning that my days with her are numbered.. Having a child definitely puts all of this in perspective. But like I always say, going to stay positive!! I'll get some folic acid ASAP! Thanks for the tip!!!

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hey there. I lose track of where ive posted so I hadn't responded. YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED!!!!!!!!! and if he see you that way to hell with him. there are plenty of guys out there who would be willing to be with you. open your eyes he is there, if not now then at some future time.

 

if you had the vaccine howd you get hpv ( all these alphabetical abbreviations make my eyes sweat)?

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Thank you @seeker!!! There are a lot of strains of HPV and the vaccine only protects against 4 I think.. So you can still get it even with the vacc.. I think it protects you against the worst strains of the virus. A lot of them really cause no noticeable symptoms and eventually clear up on their own.. Others cause warts and different cancers. Damn, why does sex have to be so dangerous??!!! Lol hope you're having a nice day today, seeker!!!

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Oh dancer, I'm hoping it protects against warts too lol! I've been thinking about this lately.. Why are there vaccines for shingles and chicken pox, but not herpes??? They are all very similar, aren't they? I feel like if there's a vaccine for those things, a herpes vaccine should be in the works too. Do you think that's something we could see in our lifetime?

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first off a disclaimer. its no use to worry about a vaccine, it may or may never come for various economic/political reasons. that being said, there is a phase 2 trial going on for a therapeutic vaccine for herpes. it has show to lower the viral load to the point of non transference. it wont get rid of the virus but instead makes it so you cant give it to someone else. it may not pan out. it could be years or decades before it reaches market. and when it does the pharm companies will have to make up for all those antivirals they sell so it will probably be very very expensive. I understand the driving force behind this research is its connection to HIV transmittal and that guy who owns Microsoft.

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@chinup

 

Shingles is a much more debilitating thing for most than H.. it occurs in people who already had chicken pox as a child. . Just like H, the virus goes dormant in most but when the person is under stress, it resurfaces as shingles. .. and because it's in areas that come in contact with others is highly contagious. That's why the vaccine was developed for CP/Shingles.

 

@seeker

 

Well, so remember 80% of people don't know they have H, so the virus usually DOES remain hidden ;) ... those that have symptoms must have some unique chemical/generic make up that causes them to have the reaction. In days gone by, likely those who had the reaction might not have reproduced as much but thanks to modern medication more of us who have symptoms will pass on our genes, and thus possibly the tendency to react. . To our offspring.

 

I'll bet there's a lot to the genetic possibility in how people reaact to, and even acquire, the virus. I said that years ago about HSV and turns out that about 1% of the population has a heme that keeps them from getting HIV.. so I wouldn't doubt there could be a similar gene for HSV immunity :/

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well all diseases will have some level of immunity in a population. no sense killing off the host. and in days gone by they wouldn't have made the connection that this is a lifelong thing, once the shaman did his deal they were good to go.

 

I know someone who had/has shingles ( fun fact, ive never had chicken pox, yay) {yay was sarcasm, I run whenever a kid gets a red dot on them} it was horrible for them. the heat really did them in. I do find it odd how such similar viruses can be dealt with differently. I know some of it is the deadliness of it and some is the profitability. ie shingles. till recently I never heard of a vaccines, never heard of someone getting it but with the boomers getting old, yes your old get over yourselves, there is a market. chicken pox, hell people have pox parties and get their kids sick on purpose. mono, you get that one your whole life AND can spread it w/o symptoms ( sound familiar?) then we come to H1 and H2 those scandalous little bastards, h1 is so common no one cares , h2 which is 99% the same critter is a big bad bugaboo. wth?

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as I say, in order to get a sexually transmitted infection you have to be sexually desirable. or how about, life is a sexually transmitted and terminal disease. BOOO puritans. getting ones freak on is good for the soul.

whats wrong with f*cking google images? they have helped me on many a lonely night, oh wait you didn't mean it that way. lol.

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LOL you're cracking me up! Here's a fun fact for you, I've had shingles!!! I got it in college (stress) and it sucked.. But it was apparently super mild and went away after a few weeks.. Damn, maybe I should just stay locked up in the house for the rest of my life.. Apparently I'm a magnet for these things! Ahhhhhhh

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@Chinup -

 

See - that's the thing - you get Chicken Pox/Shingles (Herpes Varicella) and that's no big deal. You get Mono (human herpesvirus type 4) and it's no big deal. You get Cold Sores (HSV1 Oral) and it's a mild inconvenience. But you DARE to have sex and get Genital Herpes and OH MY GAWD ITS THE END OF THE WORLD! Sorta doesn't make sense, does it???? ;)

 

 

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