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My story then and now.

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I learned in the beginning of May that I test positive for HSV1 (oral/genital who knows!) and genital warts. At first I was afraid and disgusted with my own body. I thought about how safe I I believe I was how I used condoms each time I had sex. My body and mind felt wrecked and it couldn't have happened at a worse of time. I was already stressed nearing my date to move across the usa and then this. I looked online reading anything I could find but it only made matters worse my anxiety worsened. I binged on food and alcohol heck gained about 30lbs in 3 months. I felt ugly I felt like a leper I felt as if I would never be wanted never be loved. I lost all motivation in moving and following my dreams. I fell into a hole of despair and depression only becoming worse when my mind would over think things like now I have two loofah in the shower one for my genitals one for my body because of my fear... Throws of emotion and I thought it was the beginning of an endless decline of life.



Well that's all untrue I found this website I found this community and I have found a moment of love. True having my condition has critically altered how I pursue relations Sexually and to be honest I've taken up abstaining from sex. I know I couldn't have controlled my depression but with better coping mechanism than eating and drinking I gave a virus too much power over me. But no more I'm nearing my financial goal and I've got my bags packed! I don't think about it all the time as I used too and when I do my mind isn't filled with negativity but more so "it is what it is" I don't like having these afflictions but I can't change it.


HPV & HSV are both stigmatized skin afflictions. For the most part it doesn't affect our health beyond the overthinking mind. It doesn't define who we are or what we have done.



In the end if you scroll down not reading a single word read these three words IT GETS BETTER!



I wish everyone love and peace. Live long and prosper! - C

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Yes I've been away for awhile. Trying to reign life back in and sort things out.


I'm abstaining from sex for a few reasons. One I feel I'm in no position to pursue a physicial/emotional relationship at this moment and two because of hpv and HSV the risk of transmission in my minds eye is too great for something casual. Even with consent and education would I want to introduce this virus to someone else or introduce myself to something else. Besides when I do find myself in a relationship I can take things slow and see how they go.

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Ok.....I remember you had a GF before and you were deciding on moving.


Good idea about going slow.....but don't make the decision for other people. I tend to do that and I decided myself out of a whole life!!!!! You never know what someone is going to say and there are people out there that may think having even casual sex with you is worth the risk...... ;) ........... you still seem very hard on yourself and I worry about you with that.....don't deny yourself or decide yourself out of things....As dancer says,....detach from the outcome and you may find that you are more fulfilled otherwise.


Having an infectious virus isn't fun and is a huge responsibility....I am there....I have taken my questionable diagnosis up to an infectious disease specialist who told me if everyone was as responsible as I there would be no STDs which I originally thought was a compliment, but now I read your post, I somehow think it is me again denying myself to protect others.....CYCLE!!! I can't deny myself sexual pleasure because I am taking that 1% chance of infection and blowing it up to 100%...


SO.....I am just throwing another perspective out there....cause I think you are a funny guy and you are likely denying some women out of some great casual sex that maybe could lead to something else or maybe it doesn't but you never know.


But it is admirable of you to think of others and realizing that you are not emotionally ready to have sexual relations....just don't want you to stay there too long!!




Now if only I can get myself to take my own advice!!!!

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