I don't know if this was a rejection or not...help...

[lm44]

I need some advice of how to take this conversation. Here is the back story of my relationship with this guy, I'll refer to him as E here, who I adore: We've known each other for almost six years and reconnected after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 4 years in April. After my break up I did what I thought any 20-something did and went out on various dates with guys, E included. E and I had been intimate before my diagnosis, although we haven't seen each other much we talk everyday, so when I had my primary outbreak & went to my gyno he was one of the first people I told because I do have serious feelings for him. In our first conversation about it when I disclosed I told him "I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore." And he told me to "Stop with that nonsense" and has been very supportive and helpful. Now here we are a month and a half later and I don't know what to think about our latest conversation. I had told him about two weeks ago that I wasn't comfortable being intimate until at least six months after my diagnosis because I know our bodies are building up antibodies to the virus and I'm just being cautious because, quite frankly, I needed time to heal from what I've been through (especially after how I was treated by the guy who I contracted H from). E was very understanding and completely respectful of my wishes and thanked me for being so clear with him. So, now we come to this most recent conversation and I feel semi-rejected but I may be overreacting, it went like this:

 

I was basically venting about how I feel tainted and he joked with me a little saying I wasn't tainted and that it isn't like I have a scarlet letter attached to me. So I asked him if he sees me differently and he says "Ony thing different is that I'm more aware of the need to be careful and safe with intercourse." (I kind of wanted to take this as a moment to be like and with oral sex too...but I didn't). So I asked him seriously if he was going to be terrified to touch me ever again and he semi-jokingly by how it sounded I guess by saying "I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't even cross my mind, but no, I wouldn't be terrified" and then I gently remind him that I'm taking all the necessary precautions and give him the fact of "With protection and suppressive therapy the risk of transmission is 1% per year postive female to negative male (because it's easier for females to contract it because of our anatomy than it is for males) - so yeah there's always a risk even though it's small". Once again I tell him straight up if you don't want to take that risk with me than I understand and he again tells me to Hush with that nonsense but then he says: "We will talk about it again when the time comes. We still have a few months before that's even an option right?" I acknowledge his point and say yes, at least until December and he says "Good" and changes the subject completely...

 

I know I'm being a total drama queen but I feel semi-rejected and almost wanted to be like "we are having this discussion now...just because it's not an option for us to have sex doesn't mean we can't have a serious talk about this" but I didn't I just held my tounge because I'm passive and now I don't know what to think.

 

Am I reading too much into this?

 

Thank you all for your continuous support <3

 

<3 L

[seeker]

honestly, he is still processing this too and that could be why he is acting this way .you did tell him you wanted to wait 6 months. he is thinking about his own reality on top of helping you deal with your new one. give him time, either he is there and is someone you want to be with or he isn't and you dodged a bullet.

[WCSDancer2010]

I think he was being perfectly honest. He obviously realizes that there is a risk and he's going to need to process it if and when the time comes that you guys get back together. But he told you several times to hush and it sounds like he would be willing 2 get together with you when the time comes.I personally didn't see any kind of rejection in that conversation, but that he is acknowledging that there will be in a wareness but it didn't sound like he wasn't willing to go forward with it at all

 

So what did you want or expect him to say? Because I'm really not sure what it was you were wanting to hear from him.

[myfiercecalm]

He sounds like a close friend putting your worries to rest as best he can. He is a good friend, and he likely will want to be more when you are comfortable being intimate with him again. Otherwise, he wouldn't spend all this time with you. And he has no reason to lead you on as far as I can tell.

[whitedaisies]

Definitely not a rejection !!!

 

Of course he is mindful of herpes but he's not willing to let it affect his feelings for u

 

I would say it's exactly what u want to hear

 

He would be lying if he said he wasn't concerned about it but that concern is not stopping him.

 

Good news

[lm44]

@WCSDancer2010 I guess I don't know what I wanted him to say. I think maybe something like "you're worth the risk" or something.

[whitedaisies]

I think he did say that.....

[seeker]

arrg, as a man this bothers me. listen to what he said not what you wanted him to say. hear him don't project or overanalyze.

[whitedaisies]

i agree, we women sometimes do that.....BUT sometimes you men are cryptic and we are forced to

 

but in this situation i agree......i think he was great.....so don't over analyze....

 

[aimee]

To quote a guy friend of mine "Lets Keep it Simple" lol

[seeker]

men cryptic, not. we sometimes say just what we think we mean to say unless its not what we really think we meant to say but I know that you know that we both know that what im saying may or may not be what I meant.

[whitedaisies]

Lol

[WCSDancer2010]

Look. . You asked him to wait 6 months. .. He's agreed to wait. So it sounds like, in his mind, you will have a conversation about how to cope with it when the time comes. And in his male mind, there's no need to overthink it between now and then... But his ACTIONS are saying you are worth it. . He's still ok with waiting until you are ready. .. and I for one think that that's worth more than words. .. ;)

 

(((Hugs)))

[lm44]

Thanks @WCSDancer2010 you're right! Thank you to everyone who responded!