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My first disclosure, my first success.

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I have been absent from these forums for a little while, but I wanted to finally share my story in the hope that it may help or inspire one of you, as all of the stories I read on here helped me...


When I was diagnosed at the start of 2013 with genital H (I still don't know what strain) I honestly thought my dating life was over. I was so devastated by the diagnosis and it caused my to fall into quite a deep depression rut for a long time. I thought that no one, especially around my age (early 20's), would be able to accept what was now a part of me. I only found this forum at the start of this year, and I was amazed at the amount of people who seemed to be able to deal with H and still manage to have fulfilling lives and relationships. This gave me some hope, that maybe ONE DAY I might be ok, but still at the back of my mind I (thought I) knew that it wouldn't happen to me, or at least not for a long time. Since then I have steered clear from any sort of closeness with guys completely.


About 4 months ago I started hanging out with this guy. He's a friend/housemate of one of my good friends and somehow we ended up hanging out, just the two of us, one night. And then kept talking and eventually hooking up. I was so scared though, because I knew that it could only go so far before I either had to tell him or run away. We started staying at each other's houses occasionally, but he never pushed to go any further, which I was so grateful for.


It got to the stage where I knew that I had to tell him. We'd become quite close, and somehow I knew the timing was right. Knowing when to do it didn't help with the nerves though. I spent literally hours reading discussions on here about different ways that people had disclosed and working out the speech in my head. I worked out that I needed to go in and be positive about the situation (as much as possible), act like it's not the monster problem that it is in my head and give him as much factual information as I could, so that he was able to make up his own mind.


The day I knew I was going to do it, I went to his house in the evening and I just wanted to get it out of the way incase he was weird about it and I wanted to leave. Actually, I had planned to leave after I told him, as to give him some space and time to think it over. Anyway, I couldn't tell him straight away because we ended up hanging out and having some beers with his housemates (maybe helped with the nerves slightly haha), but I just wanted to get it over and done with.


When we finally went to his room I told him that I had something important to talk to him about... It took me a while to get the words out, and I don't think he really knew what to expect, but this definitely wasn't it. I told him that I was telling him because I did like him, and I thought that if we were going to keep seeing each other this was important for him to know. I told him as many facts as I could, that it's a super common virus, that most people have at least one strain and don't even know it, that there's such a small risk when you're aware of it and being careful etc etc... I was so nervous that I felt sick and I got quite flustered while trying to tell him everything, but I managed not to burst into tears, which often happened when I would talk about H.


He was quiet for a bit and then said that he liked me too and he didn't want this to have to mean that we would stop seeing each other, but that he would still like to see the extra information i had (Adrial's handouts etc). I didn't end up going home that night, just because he took it so unbelievably well and wasn't awkward or standoffish at all.


I still did think that it could well be over after that, I thought that he might decide that it wasn't worth the risk, but at least I had done it! I had made it through my first disclosure alive! And that actually was the best I had felt since before I was diagnosed.


After reading all the information he decided it's not an issue for him...of course we're still careful, I'm on antivirals and we always use condoms, but we're still together :)


I can't believe I've achieved happiness after being so utterly miserable for a year and a half just because of a stupid virus. I used to think about H as a burden daily, now it barely crosses my mind, and when it does, it's not the scary monster that it used to be. I know that this won't be my last disclosure, and I'm sure harder times lay ahead for me yet, but I feel like getting past this first hurdle is such a huge personal success.


To everyone out there who is struggling with coming to terms with H, it will get better! You won't believe me now... you'll say that for you it might not... but it will! I promise! It won't be tomorrow, or the next day... but that day will come!



A HUGE THANKYOU again to everyone who helped me and gave me advice and let me lurk them in this forum! I honestly couldn't have done it without you!




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  • 1 month later...

The first time I disclosed to someone was about four months after I was diagnosed. I was 17 and terrified but knew it was the right thing to do. I had started seeing this guy. So the day came when I had to tell him as he wanted to be intimate. I told him full of tears. He accepted it and we used condoms about a month passed and he finally looked at me full of anger and told me how dirty I was and every time we did it he could not get it out of his head what dirt ball guys o mustvof been with. I got out of his bed hiluated and crushed. I went home cried my heart out and never spoke to him again. A few months later I met my absolute soulmate

But after what had happened I could never tell him and risk that humiliation and devistation again...so six years pass of me sleeping with him feeling huilty and not disclosing. One day he told me he hax genital warts. What? Omg it was my chance to disclose I did and he told me it didn't matter to him at one point he told me I was worth the risk. We dated for six more years 12 in total and he never got h from me. We did break up for other reasons but even years after the break up he was still willing and unafraid to sleep unprotected with me. However I'm now with a new man..four years we have a one year old son and iv never told my bf. I feel awful but can't bring myself to do it as we fight often and he always says the most hurtful things..I feel terrible but that is my reality. I am not telling this so someone can tell me how wrong I am I'm sharing so others in my situation know they r not alone.

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