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22 years old F and have Herpes.

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@ screwed4life


First, you came to the right place. I can tell you that everyone here to whom I have spoken to here is really so understanding, compassionate, and empathetic.


First, as to diagnosis: even visual inspection by a *doctor* is accurate only 80% of the time. That means that for every four correct visual diagnoses, the doctor gets one wrong. So I respectfully disagree, herpes is not "obvious" to diagnose. If you have a fear of needles, then there are other ways to diagnose herpes that actually don't require a blood test: a swab for a viral culture, or DNA test by PCR (polymerase chain reaction) that looks for the herpes virus itself from fluid in a sore.


Like you, I deal with depression, and my self-esteem was not based on a healthy foundation, and those things made dealing with the possibility of a positive diagnosis that much more difficult for me. It just made everything that much darker, and I felt suffocated by what seemed like a certain diagnosis at the time.


Your expressions of a wish to commit suicide are extremely worrying, and I think that you speak to a therapist and doctor about those immediately. Like I said, depression makes everything seem so much worse. But speaking as someone who planned my suicide in exquisite detail years ago when I thought there was no way out, I can tell you, it does get better, although you cannot see it right now. You need to talk to us here who can help you, and I think you should talk to a therapist and doctor immediately, as in make the telephone call tomorrow, first thing. Medication will help even out the lows from the depression, and it will help to have a therapist to whom you can speak and express your feelings. Both of these currently help me.


You are not a "diseased piece of meat." Far, far from it. I believe your feelings are a result of buying into the terrible stigma surrounding herpes, and you are giving all your power to a diagnosis that, medically speaking, is at bottom little more than a nuisance skin disease. You have a choice whether or not to buy into the stigma, but I understand first-hand how difficult it is to believe these things when dealing with depression, too.


I will say it again: it can and will get better, but you have to put in the work of making it better. If you do, you will come out a healthier, stronger woman, with self-esteem that has a healthier, more stable underpinning. Use this website as a resource to talk to me and others. I don't know how many people are responding on the threads tonight, so feel free to email if you wish to talk further.




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OK wow! I just feel so sad now....that you feel this way about yourself. You are wayyyy too hard on yourself. You have a virus, in an intimate spot....that's it!!!!! You are not diseased, you will not be an outcast, lots of people will want to have sex with you as there are so many people on here that have success stories (see Herpes talk success stories).


Do not kill yourself over a virus!!!!! Do not kill yourself over anything! xo


I hope you are seeking councilling for your depression and are on meds....(I am too btw)...the feelings of suicide will pass.....I had them....all I thought about for weeks was how I would do it....but I couldn't do it....because I knew I'd be missing out on so many wonderful things....even small things, like eating chocolate, watching a good movie, gardening in my backyard, buying some great shoes on SALE!!!!


There are soooo many things about you that you can love...you are choosing not to see them because it's easy for you to do that....that's how you have been programmed. You got to fight to keep living and enjoying the little things again. You are more than your body!!! Much more!!! You are not just a person to fuck you are a person to love. You deserve love and you have been denying yourself that for a long time. Quit it! And start making a plan to love yourself. Do something you enjoy....I started writing a journal, gardening, snuggling with my puppy.....some people play music, take photography, dance, etc. Find something that you truly enjoy....make it a part of your healing.


You are 22, you are young, you haven't seen all the world has to offer you and all you can offer it and the people in it. The people on this forum....all of them are going through the same things as you....lots of young girls and guys, older ones too that have lived wtih it for 30+ years....you can be one of those happy people! You need to want it! WANT IT! Read the herpes veteran stories too so you can hear first hand.


You may never have another outbreak...you may have lots, they will get less and less severe over time and you have survived a doosey. It will be your worst. You survived it...you are scarred, but you survived...you are a strong woman....stronger than you realize, getting through anorexia, etc...you are still alive and kicking. Start doing things to help you, not hurt you, not demean your worth. You are worthy of happiness and fulfillment. Suicide is punishing those who love you.....Come on this forum anytime and write your feelings we will be here for you....BUT most important is making sure you are getting the right medical and psychological help. Please make sure you start going to therapy and see your doctor for your meds. Go to Planned Parenthood if you don't feel comfortable with your regular doctor. If you don't like needles, ok....make sure they swab your sores when they come. Something could look like herpes and actually may not be herpes at all. People can get lots of stuff going on with their lady parts.....man, sometimes I hate how sensitive these damn vaginas are...ugh!?! LOL....I guess it gives us great orgasms though! ;) You will have more wonderful orgasms with partners that will respect you for more than sex...for all the great things you are. You are more than a virus...I virus is something you have not something you are.....REMEMBER THAT.


Take care friend.




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Hun your not alone Im realizing more and more of this disease you arent the first and wont be the last. I know as individuals we dont see it cuz of the pain but we need to take care of ourselves to supress it thankfully we dont have sores everyday the rest of our lives. Life comes with this diseases and all so its up to us to keep it away as much as we can. Please dont think of ending your life because of a petty disease. You yourself have control of your esteem and with the help of medicine you can contril it as well stay strong young one.

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First - Hello and Welcome!


I guess you erased your original post but I can see that you are struggling with whether life is worth living after Herpes. Honey, I've had it for 35 years - got it at 17 (first sexual experience, no less!) so I hear ya ... right now, you think that this is the end of the world, that noone will love you. You are beating yourself up, and that's totally normal. I see it here every day. And I want to tell you that you will get through this. You came to the perfect place. We are here to hold your hand and help you get a reality check about living with H.


Yes - you may have OB's. Sometimes they will be painful. Sometimes they will barely be noticeable. You will have to learn to be patient and compassionate with yourself and your body. You will find out if a guy is really into YOU (rather than, he wants to GET into you) because H is a GREAT Wingman. You will learn to be intimate in ways you might not otherwise discover (because OB's are the perfect time to learn other ways that intercourse to be intimate).


There are SOOOOO many ways H can actually make your life better. I know you may not believe it right now. But take it from a veteran. Take it from the people who wrote above me. Read the success stories. Read the inspirational stories. Reach out to us when you need support, or to ask questions. We are a non-judgemental zone here.


(((HUGS))) friend. Please - get some help with your depression. And believe me when I say that this virus is not something to take your life over. Suicide scars the people who are left behind far more than you will ever believe. You have people out there who love you who would be devastated, who will blame themselves for not seeing how bad you are hurting (because you have to LET THEM help you!). Reach out to them now. Reach out to US now. Let us be there for you. And try to believe me when I say that you CAN get through this.... over time it will be a blip in your 4000 weeks on this earth. You are anything BUT "Screwed for Life" ... promise ;)

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I got herpes 27 years ago when I was 20. Like you I had some periods of being really down and out. Mainly because I never really dealt with it. I talked to no one and avoided relationships.


Believe it or not you are doing ok. You are talking about it with ussins in the forum, which is your first step or two in the right direction. I hope you are exploring the rest of the site, it has tons of great info that you need. I would encourage you to attend a local herpes support group if one is available near you. My biggest breakthrough came when I went to one many years ago. Talking about it openly with others in the same situation was the best thing I ever did for myself. It was like coming out of the dark after 10 long years.


Hang in there. It does get better.

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first off, change your handle. it does you no good to look at that everytime you log on. second it will get better, just look at some of the veterans say. don't beat yourself up. H will help you weed out all the dumbasses and find the ones who really like you for YOU!

I don't know what your first post said as its gone now and I hope that's a good sign. that you thought better of some of the negative things you were feeling about yourself. there is light at the tunnel. Herpes is certainly not something to go live in the woods or hurt oneself over, nor others for that matter.


breathe in, breathe out.

you will find love, you will grow old, you will get married ( if you want to ) you will have babies, they will grow up and annoy you, worry you, make you laugh. you will find other jobs, lose jobs, lose contact with people, regain contact from old friends, have bad new years, have wonderful Halloweens, find God, lose God ( not necessarily in that order) do I need to continue???? in other words, life will go on as if this never occurred!


big bear hug!!

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