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Opinions about this being a risk


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Hi all,

 

I am seeing someone new and he seems to be genuinely interested in getting to know me and it looks as if we could date sometime soon. Last time we went out, we got on the topic of sex and he disclosed that he had been with over 100 women, but was ready to be in a relationship. When I disclose my ghsv1, I will make him go get a full STD screening plus get blood tests for hsv1 and hsv2. Does the fact that he's been with so many people put me at any sort of risk otherwise if all of his tests come back negative? My major concern here is HIV and hsv2. HIV should be a black or white answer but isn't the hsv2 blood test not always reliable? He says he had a full std test recently and everything came back clean, but I want to be 100% sure. Also will his higher number of partners put me at risk for HPV?

 

Thanks all for advice!

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@lifeislovely

 

Most reputable studies, including those out of the University of Washington, have shown that that the risk for acquiring HSV and HIV correlates with one's lifetime number of sexual partners. Generally, the greater the number of lifetime sexual partners, the higher one's overall risk for acquiring either or both of HSV and HIV. However, that does not mean that all or most people with HSV or HIV have a large number of partners. Rather, the risk spans from as few as one partner, to many more. The relevant studies have shown that risk correlates with number of partners, simpliciter, meaning, without any special qualifications about that causal link being added on. I would say the prudent thing to do is for the both of you to get tested together for each other. HIV tests can be done very quickly after infection. While most antibody tests still take approximately four weeks from the time of exposure to test positive, there is another test, an RNA test by PCR (polymerase chain reaction), that looks for the virus itself and can detect HIV in the blood even just a few days post-exposure. It is definitive at 11 days post-exposure. Moreover, it can detect an extraordinarily low number of viral copies per ml of blood- as few as four.

 

As for HSV, different tests will "turn" positive after different time intervals post-exposure. The Western Blot is the most authoritative blood test, but it takes an average of 68 days to "turn" positive, given the greater number of viral proteins it looks for, as well as the greater complexity of the technique of western blotting.

 

I would say ask him when he ended his relationship with his very last sexual partner, and then, wait the requisite number of months, for herpes, generally around 4 is good, but for some people, it can take as long as 6 months to produce antibodies, and then, both of you can get tested.

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@riverstyx

 

Great answers! I love that we have someone here who is so on top of all the STD testing info...

 

@lifeislovely

 

Last time we went out, we got on the topic of sex and he disclosed that he had been with over 100 women, but was ready to be in a relationship. When I disclose my ghsv1, I will make him go get a full STD screening plus get blood tests for hsv1 and hsv2.

 

So I'm curious - why did he feel the need to tell you he's been with 100 women? I wouldn't call it a red flag, but a "pink" one ;) . I suggest you listen to him very carefully ... he may or may not be ready for, or know HOW to, be in a relationship .... any guy who tells a woman that is clueless about how that kind of info may affect her for one thing ... it's either bravado or ignorance. Not that there's anything wrong with it ... but it's just not a smart thing to be saying to someone who you are not even dating ;)

 

@riverttyx said exactly what I would have said here:

 

I would say ask him when he ended his relationship with his very last sexual partner, and then, wait the requisite number of months, for herpes, generally around 4 is good, but for some people, it can take as long as 6 months to produce antibodies, and then, both of you can get tested.

 

Also, be sure to tell him to give you the paperwork from his STD tests. Check to see if he was tested for herpes. Most doctors do not test for it, even when a patient tells the clinician to test for "everything," because testing is not recommended by the CDC.

 

By doing this you will not only know his status, you will know his INTENTIONS. If he's really ready to settle down, he will go at your pace ;)

 

 

 

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my local clinic does rapid HIV test for free weekly, they told me the latency is @ 3 months, hence why im being celibate ( yea as if I have a choice) till then ( if not longer) I had one the day I found out about herpes and am waiting the full 3 months even tho it could go sooner from my last partner but I just want absolute peace of mind. the type specific blood test will say what but not where and has a latency of 3 months I believe, so that means you have to be non sexual ( at least no intercourse, even protected and no oral either way) for 3 months then be tested. if you test now that only counts up till 3 or so months ago. and remember you have to ask for the herpes test, its not part of the std panel. Im not trying to shill for anyone but there is a private lab company out there that does tests, no doctors visit so that cost isn't added in, a good thing for those of us who make too much for a handout and not enough to afford health insurance. they have an STD panel from hell, HIV, H1&2, Gon, clym,shyp,hep ( a couple cant remember) and something else and its like 150$. which is what the doctors office wanted for only a herpes blood test. its called ( and I hope this is ok adrail) anylabtestnow.

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It's generally ok to pass on information if you are not the beneficiary .... these STD clinics are popping up all over (it's not the only one ... you just have to Google STD clinic and your city to find them) which is a good thing. Planned Parenthood will also give good discounts on their (already reasonable) fees if you tell them you are in a financial hardship.

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