suicidal

[Lady_j988]

So I was on the generic brand of valtrex,500mg three times a day. I finished the medicine Tuesday, the very next day I feel a lump on the inside of my labia. Doesn't hurt nor does it itch just feels wierd. The one close to my butt hole hasn't even healed yet and the minute I'm off the medication another one pops up. I can't deal with this, I can't handle this. What kind of life is this, it's not one worth having to me. I just wanna give up and the only reason I haven't so far is because of my daughter I'm all she has, has never met her father and he wants no parts of her and I'm almost 100% sure I got it from him...I just don't understand how I can go 2 years without a single outbreak and now I'm having them back to back...it seems like there getting worse.When the first one disappeared, it took a week for the next one to pop up,once I finished the medicine for the second one (that's still here) it took a day for the third one to pop up....I just can't take this anymore, there not in just one spot down there, every time one pops up its in a completely different spot...I think maybe this world, my daughter, and my loved ones would be better off with out me. I feel like all I'm here to do is possibly spread an incurable virus too innocent people and that's not right, so what is the point of my existence on this planet!

[whitedaisies]

Big hugs!!!!!

 

I am so sad to read ur title. I had the exact same thoughts as you and they do pass ok?

 

I spent weeks obsessing about my suicide. How I would do it and what would be the least painful way. I have 3 kids. And I just was too scared to do it. Your daughter would be devastated. She is not better off with out u. I have 3 girls. U are going to help her through puberty and womanhood. Teach her about stds and sex and men. Give her hugs to make her feel better and she will give u hugs so u will feel better.

 

Suicide punishes those who are left behind. Some people valtrex doesn't even work. U are lucky. Why don't u go on suppressive antivirals?

 

Also try antidepressants. I needed them and still on them. They will take the thoughts away and help u focus on ur healing.

 

It's hard but it does get better. Minutes, hours and days at a time. Come on here and vent anytime. We are here for u.

 

Xoxox

[Lady_j988]

Thank you, I just can't understand why there coming back so fast, it's just frustrating

[whitedaisies]

I have had constant outbreaks for 9 months on Meds. Trust me I get it.

 

Hang in there u will get it under control abain

[Lady_j988]

Wow constant out breaks while on suppressants....Damn that sucks, I feel for you daisies. Did valtrex work for you and how come your having them back to back like that, can the doctors tell you why?

[WCSDancer2010]

@Lady_J

 

Honey, believe me, this is SO not worth considering suicide. Of all the things that could happen to us, in all reality (and I'm speaking of having 35 years of this reality) it really truly isn't as big of a deal as you are making it out to be.

 

I understand your frustration ... I really do. But I can tell you that the #1 thing Herpes LOVES is stress ... anxiety ... etc. The second is allowing yourself to get run down (guess whose lip decided to break out on Monday ... and I'm pretty chill but I've had a hell of a lot of travel in the last few weeks, stressing about a billing issue that I had, and a personal issue (dating a guy and realized how easily I get triggered in this one area of my life.... very little upsets or unbalances me any more).

 

Even though your daughter may not know what is causing it, she will see that you are upset and dealing with something. How you deal with this will be setting an example for her about how you deal with stressful situations. So do you want her to learn to throw in the towel (and live with the guilt that she wouldn't do anything to stop you... because that is where a kids mind goes when a parent commits suicide) or do you want her to learn to take a deep breath, put on her big girl panties, and attack it head on?

 

I suggest very strongly that you get to a doctor and get on some antidepressants for a few months (odds are you can come off them in 6 months or so when you get through this part) ... then start to do everything you can to get your body back in balance... you may even want to get blood work done to check your hormones/etc... because that could be what is causing this sudden set of OB's. Herpes is a "first responder" to stress and immune system breakdown, so let it be your guide that you need to start to take care of yourself.

 

And PATIENCE grasshopper! You've only dealt with this a few weeks. That is NOTHING in the grand scheme of things! We Americans are so used to being given a magic pill to get rid of things .... but illness can be a teacher. When you have something that lasts more than a few days or weeks, you have to learn patience, acceptance, and empathy FOR YOURSELF ...

 

Again, please go and read the Success Stories. Almost all of them are discordant couples (one H+ one H- ). I have been with 2 guys in the last 10 yrs for 3 yrs each. Neither got it ... one I used the meds, one I didn't. So it's NOT a guarantee that you will pass it on to another.

 

Keep getting educated about the virus. Keep trying the things we listed for you to try. Each person can have different things that work for THEM. Study your diet and see what you can improve there (are you on a lot of sugar? Nuts/chocolate? Keep observing what your automatic habits are and with luck you might figure out what your trigger is. Rome wasn't built in a day and it will take you several months to start to feel like you are winning, but it CAN be done.

 

(((HUGS))) ...

[willow]

I think alot of people here know all to well about those suicidal thoughts, u are far from alone!

 

Suicide is selfish. U leave unanswered questions, and not mention an un mothered child?

 

I know how ya feel, i was there back in january, but it gets better with time. And reading success stories!

 

I wrote this pist a while ago, maybe it will help? http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3877/fear-and-power#Item_4

[msmee]

NO! I don't know you at all but I can say for certain that's not the answer and they would not be better off without you. Please take advantage of this forum and any other support systems because you are a valuable person!

[seeker]

I understand your anguish Lady, ive had those thought also on occasion. however the main thing ive told myself is this. I can LIVE with herpes, there are a lot of things that a person can get where that choice is taken. I have a son who is my world, I dread the day he gets old enough to stop wanting to come over because of his own life yet I could never do that to him. I want to see him grow up. I want to see the little hottie he marries and gives me grandkids with. I want to mooch a room from him when I get old. and I couldn't bear the thought that my action made him more likely to do it himself. yes that for me was the clincher. children of suicides have a hugely greater chance of doing it themselves.

 

there is no hell I would not willingly walk thru for my son and herpes is not hell.

[Lady_j988]

Thanks for all the positive feedback you guys, I think I was just having a bad day, couldn't imagine my life without my daughter, she's my everything....so thanks again guys, especially since I'm a stranger to you all...Also what is this I'm hearing valtrex is hard on your liver and kidneys....almond what is lysine.is it a suppressant or something that boosts your immune system.

[willow]

Valtrex isnt hard on ur liver, well not from what the pharmacists have expressed to me..

l-lysine is a vitamin supplement that our bodies not produce on its own, but we do injest it from various foods. as herpes carriers oir bodies make use of it as it helps to keep the virus dormant.

so u have the option from staying away from foods with arginine, and eating lots of foods that have l-lysine, and u can also pirchase the vit supplement from various pharmacies. 3000mg daily for max 6 months or... 1000mg daily for a year. this info is what i have recieved from canadas bc health line and also my pharmisist.

[Lady_j988]

Well I've noticed since I started taking this valtrex my side hurts really really bad my right side.my first week on valtrex and the pain was so bad I could barely drive, that's why they say drink plenty of water which is what person told me...but I think imma start taking lysine.seems like that can really help out my immune system. If I start taking it, does it boost my immune system after about a yr or 2 and I don't have to worry about taking it or I have to continuously keep taking the supplement

[willow]

I havent experienced pain with valtrex, in the begging i was dizzy tho.

 

And to my knowledge there is only research and studies on lysine up to a year, side effects are still being studied

[seeker]

I went to planned parenthood and they gave me a printout on lysine and arginine foods. some cause a deficiency in one or the other. I take 1g a day @ 2 500mg pills 1 in morn 1 at dinner. sometimes I throw another in just for fun, I like throwing the little buggers a curve ball. I also take intermittently an Echinacea/goldenseal supplement as they are immune boosters. I use to take those in an alcohol tincture (nasty tasting stuff) and a bug ran through my circle, I whipped it in a few days everyone else took weeks. for what that's worth. here in the US ive heard nothing about lysine side effects at all, maybe since its something we need anyway and cant create?

[GreenEyes87]

That is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Herpes may be permanent but the struggles aren't. The longer you have it the more manageable it becomes. I'm getting advice on another post and in reality, it's a cold sore...no more no less. It doesn't make you less loveable, it doesn't alter your character, and it changes nothing about who you are. Hang in there lovebug!!

[Lady_j988]

Thanks for all the kind words and advice