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i just got punched in the gut


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ive been trying to adjust to this new reality. I think ive been doing ok. all the bumps ive seen have been either around my testicles or on them. I thought ive had this for about a year so auto inoculation was unlikely. this morning I found a small bump on the shaft of my penis, I don't know if it is or isn't herpes, I had no itching, no tingling. im hoping its just some weird male yeast type infection, maybe from my using peroxide too much or such. heck I even did an Epsom bathe last night just for the heck of it. ive never had any bumps actually on my penis and I considered that a victory. I always used condoms so it would have to be self spread im guessing. seeing that bump was like a punch to the gut. im back in that place I was when I first got diagnosed. I was getting ready to clean the house and go to a friends tonight and now I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. welcome back depression.

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I'm not the best person to reply, but I felt like maybe I could be of some encouragement. I went for 25 years with only 3 OB's and now that menopause has set in, I've been getting way more. I view these new ones as some sort of challenge that I need to face. I know I've been complacent with my life lately and maybe I needed a wake-up call to face the unknown with more power and conviction. I have to remember that I am not my skin condition and I am not my past. Even if this is an OB for you, it doesn't negate your whole day or your life. Take joy in the things you love today. And be kind to yourself.

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thanks, im feeling somewhat better. went to the store, am doing laundry and the apartment is clean so ive accomplished something today and am about to leave to go to a friends house till way after midnight, then church in the morning. maybe a pub in the afternoon. my team plays the late game and im expecting a call from someone important to me later that night. it just hit me hard, was so unexpected. never had a bump there before. this virus has already jacked with me pretty bad back when I think it first hit, so I was hoping it would be a bit more kind now.

 

music always helps me, it gets me through stuff and lets me know where im at. this song helped today.

 

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Thought id add a lil tid bit of info from my experience.

When i was diagnised i was informed that the virus finds a nerve ending and hides way back in tje body, when u get a prodrom thats the virus trying to surface to the skin. An ob is when ot succeeds in doin so. What many people dont know or realize is that where your first initial o.b. was, doeant mean that was the only area that got infected. So far im on o.b #6 and 5 of which weee in different areas/ different symptons. So even tho uve never had an o.b. on ur shaft doesnt mean that youve passed the virus to it, could just be one of the areas the virus cam in contact woth and was dormant untill this time.

hope that helps a bit?

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in an act of TMI I think it may have been from er, mastering my own universe a bit much recently as the bump completely disappeared that evening. so who's to say???

 

damn we talk about some personal stuff here, lol.

 

you know how it is, every bump on the body is questionable at first, then every bump in the general area as we learn about this. add to that im in florida, home of sweaty itchy privates AND I work outdoors........... my pants waistband causes a rash sometimes, ive had it in the past but now "its got to be the herpes!!!!" is the first thought till the rational man in my noggin smacks me and says " no you dumbass you had this before, every guy you work with is complaining about it, whack, now go get me a beer!"

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in an act of TMI I think it may have been from er, mastering my own universe a bit much recently as the bump completely disappeared that evening. so who's to say???

 

damn we talk about some personal stuff here, lol.

 

 

Besides the giggle, (thanks Seeker!) I challenge you to see this as a reminder to try to get into a "what is" mode.... rather than getting into your stories about what "might be" every time you get a rash or bump. What is, is that you had a sore on your penis. What is, is that by now you shouldn't be able to auto-innoculate. After that, you put a huge scary "might be" on top of it and lost out on an evening with your friends. Next time, perhaps try to just see is as a sore on your penis (which you likely wouldn't have paid much attention to in the past as long as it cleared up in a reasonable amount of time) and just be in observation of whether it changes or disappears.

 

And next time you decide to be the master of your universe, friend, use a bit more lube and take it easy on your joystick, eh??

 

(((HUGS)))

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