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Don't Let this Happen to You!


SidneySmith

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For those of you reading this post who don't think this can happen to you... I am a 49 year old married faithfully 20 years, divorced for two years and then met a woman online who was seemingly an angel sent from above. She lived in another state and said she had been on her own for eight years but her morality and Christian beliefs had kept her pure.

 

We spoke on the phone for over 100 hours before we met, then I flew to Phoenix AZ to meet her. Everything went great and we didn't even do "the deed." I guess we went to third base, as some would call it.

 

My fault for shaving and cleaning up prior to romance, because that shave "nick" on my chin was enough for me to come into contact with her infection and after all these years of being faithful and waiting for the right one I fell for someone I thought I knew, but didn't know. Whose fault was it? Mine. All mine. Would she have told me if I would have asked? I do not think so. She was extremely image conscious and she was truly hoping I'd get lucky.

 

I wrote her to confront her about it and she ignored me. Good riddance.

 

Bottom line is after not dating for over 20 years it never even entered my mind to think she might be unforthcoming. All I can say is that if you are afraid to ask the direct question about STDs you are just plain dumb, I don't care how wonderful a person he or she might SEEM TO BE. If a person feels as if you are hurting their feelings by asking them, that will tell you all you need to know about them. Move on and don't let the door . . .

 

For me, the best advice I can give would be that you both mutually consent to blood tests before you take intimate steps. Don't take it for granted that all is well with this "perfect" person. If they're too good to be true, THEY ARE!

 

One night changed my life forever, Please don't make my mistake.

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From what I'm reading here, it surely wasn't all your fault. I know the feeling, believe me, of blaming it on ourselves. I have beat myself up over and over for 25 years. I, too, was faithful during my marriage to my first husband. Divorced after 8 years and with no STD's, I found myself single and wanting/needing someone to love me. Somewhere along the way I fell into the path of a carrier. I'm not even sure how I got it. But it doesn't matter at this point. And you are right, always ask about STD's; I never did or said something vague like, 'are you okay down there?".

 

I come from the old school in terms of how I feel about all this. I made a choice about having risky sex; I was focused on feelings and so-called happiness. I just never thought H would happen to me. From this forum, I am learning that I need to be easier on myself though. This is, after all, just a skin disease. It's not life-threatening and can be managed. I even plan on telling my best friend one of these days. She has herpes on her lips, which is a more acceptable disease somehow.

 

Are you saying that you now have it on your mouth? Have you been tested for what type?

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Thanks for caring. I have been diagnosed with HSV2 on my chin. A few have told me this is a rare infection and shouldn't be much of a problem as far as outbreaks are concerned. Because it's not near my genitals or in my mouth I want to be accurate regarding future disclosure. I've had quite a few people suggest no big deal, but I'm the only one having to get definitive information. I haven't read many posts on HSV2 on the facial area. All I've heard is that it's rare, but what does that mean? Am I less susceptible to giving a future partner the virus? I'm in the info gathering stage as I was diagnosed a little over a month ago with no outbreaks on my face yet.

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I'm rather new to all this. Been kind of in denial all these years as I've only had 3 outbreaks over 24 years. This year, after menopause though, my body decided to flip out and here I am. Actually, I just did the tests on Thursday and am waiting to see what kind it is. My husband of 25 years (yes, he married knowing full well that I had herpes, but loved me anyway!) does not exhibit any signs of having contracted it from me. He may just be one of the lucky ones not to ever have OB's. He may or may not get tested.

 

As far as having it on your chin, yes that is rare. I would think that HSV2 would not do so well on the face. I hear it likes moister climates. But I'm not an expert on this. You may never get any OB's. How did you think to even get tested if you didn't break out?

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I am so sorry about ur experience . It is much more rare to have hsv2 above the wait line. I read that hsv2 will cause less outbreak if it's above the waistline since it likes it better in the genital. But if u have oral sex ... It is possible to give someone hsv2 genital . So don't have oral sex when u have an outbreak and best way to minimize transmission to anyone is on melds and also use protection like a dental dam or even female condom.

How were u diagnosed?

From medhelp... Grace said it only shed 1% without outbreak.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/HSV2/show/271967

 

Btw, I had thought I was infected by hsv2 genitally and went thru the blame myself stage. My sister who is a doc said to me and makes a lot of sense. You have to love yourself fully and forgive yourself when unintentional mistakes do happen. We don't know why The Lord would pave this road but we make our own decisions. We are often clouded by the feeling of love and there is nothing wrong with being in love but sometimes the love feeling comes with consequences that's all. Please take care and I will pray for you.

God bless, S

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Oh, and another thing. It will be WAY easier to know if you are having an OB on your chin, that's for sure. I hate, hate, that I can't see the dang thing. Especially now that I wear glasses for seeing up close and my twisting ability isn't what it used to be! :-) And this last one was/is inside and there's absolutely no pain. Whatever.

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I broke out with what I thought was a massive zit on my chin. Concurrently, I came down with flu symptoms. I work out a lot and know my body -- something wasn't right. I did a little research and became concerned. I went to the doctor and he said the outbreak on my chin was not herpetic. However, I asked for a blood test and it came back Hsv2. He was wrong - I was dazed and confused. When I made a follow up appointment with him to ask questions he totally blew it off as almost a non issue. He didn't even want to prescribe me meds, until I asked him to -- "just to be on the safe side."

 

The constant theme has been -- "No big deal." As most of you who care about others, I would ashamed if I gave this to someone else. I just want to be able to disclose accurately without over or under alarming someone in the future. It seems my odds of transmitting the virus is lower than the booklets communicate. But I would never want to assume. If I was married would unprotected sex with no meds or condoms be less than the 10% I am reading about? It also seems that shedding is less of an issue due to the fact the initial outbreak was on my chin. I'm just imagining my next girlfriend saying, "So you don't have Oral H2 or Genital H2 -- you have it on your face . . . so what does that mean?"

 

"Uhhhh . . . great question!"

 

Any experts want to answer her question, have at it!!!

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Hi, sorry but ur doctor did NOT swab the sore/pimple/lesion like on ur chin? That is a error on his part if he didn't. The blood test doesn't tell u the location other than u were infected sometime in ur life. Go to medhelp website and post ur situation and the guys there are very knowledgeable about herpes. What u said about ur chin doesn't sound like herpes outbreak. Usually if it's ur first outbreak it would be much more than just one ( I believe).

Do u know ur test result # ? If this is recent infection... Your # should be low. How long after the encounter with the girl did u test?

At this point in time... The best thing to do is next outbreak u have ... Go to a std clinic or even a dermatologist to ask for a PCR test on the sore. They can type the HSV .... IF that's HSV at all. Do it in 48 hours.

I don't know but somehow I don't think ur chin is HSV at all... I recommend u to post ur question on medhelp.

Btw, is this ur first herpes test ?

God bless, S

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actually my first HSV2 OB I only had 3-4 bumps, and had mono like symptoms, or mono and my first ob. that doctor thought the bumps were a bacterial infection and guess what? the antibiotics worked cause in a few days the bumps were gone ( the worked part was sarcasm fyi). so yes it could have been an Ob, the flu like symptoms add to it. I know herpes takes on many forms but I thought it always had clear liquid not like a zits creamy white center?

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In regards to Scared4this comments, thank you. My doctor told me that any blood test score above a .9 signified elevated antibodies. My HSV1 count was nil, but my HSV2 score was 4.0. He said, "You got HSV2." My test was within three weeks of having contact with the woman mentioned above. Unfortunately I could not get a swab as my outbreak was pretty much dried up by the time I got to the doc. Yes, this was my first herpes test. I would have blown it off as a horrible zit had I not had the flu symptoms for two-plus weeks. I will take your advice and go to the MedHelp site. I confronted the woman with this information ("You gave it to me") via email and she never responded. If I received an email like that and I was clean, it would take me two seconds to respond saying, "What in the world are you talking about?" She ignored me. In my heart she knew she had the virus and was hoping we'd get lucky. Nobodies fault but mine. Choices, Choices, Choices. Thanks everyone for caring. Deeply appreciated.

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Yes her reaction was atypical but at this point who knows. Maybe she ran and got tested as she was suspicious of outbreak? At this point it will not help u unless she tested neg and told u.

The # u have is higher than a low positive range and chances are less likely u don't have it but I still think u would benefit from the advices from medhelp. In addition , you should download a free handbook from Terri warren and it would help a great deal on getting urself educated on the condition. I hope u will get the answer u need and God bless, S

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Btw, it's normal with the way u feel.... And I hope in the very near future u will forgive ur self. We all take chances and sex is no different. Thank u for the warning .... I wish I could of known how sex can change ur life! I will pray for u to get good answers from medhelp and also to get a good closure on self blame.

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@SidneySmith

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Sorry I didn't get on earlier but I was at the Herpes Opportunity Weekend ... sorta got caught up in all that

 

my HSV2 score was 4.0. He said, "You got HSV2."

 

Odds are your lesion on your chin is NOT HSV2 ... having a score of 4.0 only 3 weeks afer exposure means you very likely already had HSV2 for quite awhile now. It usually takes 3-6 MONTHS to get that kind of antibody level in your system. And yes, you could have carried it for the 20+ yrs you have not dated... I have a client who is monogamously married for 30+ yrs when she had her first OB. Odds are the nick got irritated/infected from all the goings on with the woman. And maybe you just happened to get a cold/flu at the same time. OR, you get flu symptoms as a prodrome of a H asymptomatic shedding event in your genitals. Unless you get another OB in the same area, I'd really bet on you having it genitally ... and if you DO have an OB, get it swabbed to be sure.

 

HSV2 REALLY doesn't like living outside of the genital area. HSV2 only makes up about 1% of all Oral H and thus it would be even LESS common for you to have got it outside of that area on the chin.

 

There's a very good chance that you have carried HSV2 asymptomatically ...possibly for years ... and you just didn't get tested for it because doctors don't tell you that most STD panels don't include Herpes unless you specifically ask for it. This would also explain why your lady friend never contacted you back ... she's probably upset that you would "blame" her for it (although she may not be tested either).

 

You are quite right in saying that we really need to become better at making it very clear about STD tests before having sex with someone. Hate to say it but you just can't trust someone to tell you the "truth" because many have no idea that H isn't tested for anyway so their "truth" would be that they are H- when in fact they may never have been tested and not know it.

 

(((HUGS)))

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Actually, I had an encounter with this woman (The only person I've been with post-divorce) prior to the one that is mentioned. So, It was a little over two months from first encounter to when blood was taken Is that enough time for a score of 4.0? We talk about odds... what are the odds of me carrying it for 20 years (I was 100% monogamous) with no symptoms and my ex wife having no symptoms or outbreaks? 100% of the time we had unprotected sex. Those odds would seems astronomical. Isn't it more plausible this was a fresh infection given all the combination of symptoms? I've had zero outbreaks in the six weeks since that first one.

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@SidneySmith

 

In *my* understanding and experience, it would be unusual to have that high of a number after 2 months ... most people take 3-6 months to test positive at all ... to test over 3.5 that fast is not very likely.

 

AGAIN, I have a client who had H for 30+ years in a monogamous relationship before she had her first OB. 80% of people who have Herpes don't know they have herpes... it's one of the main reasons for the spread of the virus. So the odds are not nearly as astronomical as you think.

 

Again, HSV2 really, really, REALLY doesn't like living outside of the genitals, and when it does, it needs a warmer, moister environment than it would get on the skin on the chin. And given that it cleared right up makes it even less plausible that your sore on the skin is Herpes.

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Everyone is different.

 

That's the thing with H that makes it so hard to explain to "newbies" because everyone who is having an OB wants to know when it will end, and those who don't have OB's want to know when they are shedding, and we can't give them a definitive answer because one person will have hellish OB's with nerve pain and flu-like symptoms and another will get the tiniest paper-cut type lesion that they barely notice, and another, like you, will NEVER have an OB or they have their first many years later after some (often minor, tho usually major) stressful event.

 

What you *may* want to do to confirm would be to have the Western Blot test run ... (It's the Gold Standard of H testing because it looks for a lot more of the antibody proteins but you can only get it through the Westover Heights clinic) simply because you have never had any symptoms... it won't tell you when you got it but if there is any doubt about you having it, that's the test to get. Nurse Terri Warren could tell you if she thinks it would be appropriate ... if you tell her your circumstances, symptoms, and test results she will let you know if it's useful for confirmation. Odds are you do have it ... like I said, 80% of people with H don't know they have it, so you would not be at all unusual.

 

You can become a phone patient of Terri Warren's at the Westover Heights Clinic,http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... she can order the test for you through Quest Labs.

 

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You have been very helpful. Thank You. I have been looking for discussions of two people in a long term relationship, -- neither of them having any outbreaks. You did talk about the one woman who did not have a breakout for 30 years. I my case, we have two married people, together 20 years who have been asymptomatic. I personally went through a devastating divorce three years ago and two of my best friends die within the last four years. If the stress were any extreme I would have been dead. However, no outbreaks. I guess the million dollar question is it possible to build up the anti bodies I did within two months of being with a woman who ignored me when I asked her if she knew she might have given HSV2 to me. I know an outbreak of HSV2 on the facial area is not probable. However, my skin on the chin did have an abrasion at the time we had oral sex. Thanks again for your help. I deeply appreciate it.

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Hey SidneySmith,

 

I appreciate your dedication to getting the facts so you can let future partners know what's up. I agree with all that Dancer said above. And if you have a positive HSV-2 test, then the chances are that you have genital herpes. HSV-1 is found both on the mouth and genitals, but HSV-2 is 99% of the time on the genitals.

 

However, if you are part of the 1% who actually does have HSV-2 above the belt, then the chances of it shedding are very, very small. Especially if your outbreak location is on the skin. According to the stats on viral shedding — on the handouts here http://eepurl.com/b4IPP — it only sheds 1% of the time. So for the 1% of people who have oral HSV-2, herpes only sheds 1% of the time. The chances of spreading it that way via oral sex are super low. BUT since the chances of having oral HSV-2 are so low, there is a chance that yes, during your 20-year marriage that there wasn't an outbreak at all and you had the virus laying dormant in your body. 20% of all people with genital herpes never have an actual outbreak. Ever. And 80% of people who have herpes don't know they have it.

 

So as far as how to tell future partners, let them know that you're a carrier of HSV-2 and since you haven't had an active outbreak, you don't know where the site of original exposure was, so you will be as careful as possible, but no need to be paranoid. There's still a potential of passing HSV-2 via viral shedding, but the chances are low when precautions are taken (body awareness, medication, condoms).

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Hey Thanks for the info Adrial!

 

FYI - I did have a small lesion from shaving on my chin when we engaged in Oral sex. So here's the question I can't seem to get an answer to: If I had an abrasion on my chin with a woman who had HSV2, what is the probability that I could get infected? If the answer is not likely, that's what I need to know. I knew I had a lesion, cuz I shaved just prior to engaging.

 

Subsequently, that is where I had my outbreak. That coincided with flu symptoms for two weeks and a burning sensation in the nerves of my upper back region that lasted a month. This all happened after two encounters over a two month period time with this "other" woman post divorce.

 

I never once have had anything close to nerve-ending symptoms sensation, joint pain, problems urinating or genital outbreaks for over 20 years and nether did my ex wife. We're not just talking about one person, but TWO PEOPLE having unprotected sex for 20 years. I understand people are often asymptomatic with HSV2, but are there statistics regarding a monogamous couple having unprotected sex being asymptomatic for two decades? I guess you can understand my confusion about plausibility. If I do have facial HVS2, then my chance for outbreak and shedding are reduced significantly (1%!). The facts of disclosure in that case are whole different issue than if I have genital herpes with a 10% shedding rate. The stakes are high.

 

My doctor thinks I received a fresh infection from this woman, but now I know doctors are not well informed. However it is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE to get a blood test score of 4.0 for HSV2 after two months of contact, the numbers are what they are and that's that. The only way I will really know is if I get another outbreak on my face and have it tested asap. But if I do have facial HSV2, the chances are slim that will happen again.

 

FYI - If anyone in the forum wants to talk to the nurse / doctor at the Washington clinic, she charges five dollars per minute on the phone for a consult. Spread the word to folks who want that as an option.

 

 

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I was monogamous with my now husband for over 3 years before I had my first outbreak. I only had one lesion down below. I went to the doctor a couple of days after it first appeared and all tests came back negative. They convinced me it wasn't herpes. But it was. 6mos later I got my second outbreak that tested positive. I have no idea who when where what or how this happened. My husband is H- as far as we know!

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