Good Dating Sites & Ways too meet guys with Herpes

[whitedaisies]

I hope it changes....you have a lot to offer someone and you deserve to find a love back.

 

Stop shutting down.

 

Time will heal.

 

Xo

[Chrissyny]

Seeker you have to do what feels right for you but I agreethat shutting down is not a solution; been there, done that.... waste of many years in al honesty.

[seeker]

thanks for your concern chrissyny. right now its for the best. this little bit of drama in my life should have been but a blip on my radar. the "relationship" was rather trivial and never going to go anywhere, yet what happened hit my hot button issues pretty hard. this is what bothers me the most. it affected me far more than it should. I guess you could say it was my post diagnosis rebound???

 

still not getting back into the insane game anytime soon. there is a certain freedom that comes from saying "enough".

 

besides im too poor to date and money does matter, despite all the protestations im about to receive.

[Chrissyny]

Truth be told, not aiming to be inconsiderate, but I have had my fill of men who were negative thru work. When it comes to anything now, work, dating, whatever, even friends, I refuse to go there. So basically right now I am only open to people who remain positive and situations where people lift each other up.

 

I am sorry that you are feeling down in the dumps, but life experience has taught me that those who feel down can only bring you down. Attitude matters more than anything else and down and out outlooks are just too draining for me to deal with at all.

 

Best of luck to you.

[WCSDancer2010]

We all have our down days and the newly diagnosed usually bounce along the bottom a bit longer than they normally would. It's all part of the process. There's a balance between patience for someone who is having a "bad spell" and not getting drawn into that space with them..... and letting them find their way out with a little gentle guidance and perhaps a friendly (((HUGS))). ;)

 

I generally have the same outlook - I don't surround myself with anything but "Positive" people (funny that, isn't it, that what we see as being a "bad" word here is a "good" word out in the outside world!) but I have a few friends who have stuff going on in their lives that causes them to have their off days/weeks. I can hold a space for them to find their peace AND not get drawn into their upset and drama .... we are all human and sometimes our humanity isn't pretty. The secret is to know when someone's actions are from a short term or dramatic issue in their life, vs this is who they are on a good day.

 

My experience of @seeker is that he's generally a positive influence on here that I am very glad to have here to back me up and hold the Fort when I'm not able to get online. Sometimes we get triggered and things will send us into a "bad" place for awhile, but I believe that Seeker's nature isn't to stay there for long... and I have every belief that this will blow over with a little time.....

 

(((HUGS))) to you both :)

 

 

[whitedaisies]

Totally second that Dancer!!!

 

Hugs to seeker.

[seeker]

no worries I don't take stuff like that personal and I know it wasn't meant like that. sometimes life hands us shit and I acknowledge the shit, sludge thru the shit and deal with the shit. calling it roses and ignoring it doesn't work. ive dealt with depression , divorce and now herpes, lifes tough get a helmet is generally my motto. that doesn't mean im not going to tell life to kiss my ass when it throws something at me. I could get personal and say its typical of the impatience of a New Yorker or as my momma would say, that shows why you want a southern women, Yankees girls don't have heart. I was , heaven forbid, down in the dumps. im getting over it. im ok and I harbor no ill feelings. Chrissy feel free to flirt anytime you want, and I know you want to. admit it.

 

thanks dancer, hugs. and just for that when you get to my area and we have a drink, ill buy. :)

[FF1]

 

@Dancer:

 

I appreciate your point of view. If I understand you, the question is: Why limit the pool of potential partners?

 

I look at it this way:

 

The stress of having "the talk" and then supporting a potential partner through the shock of your news is terribly difficult. I'm going through it now with someone I met a few months ago. While she is struggling with this information, she hasn't said it is a deal breaker, so I guess that is a positive.

 

But the stress of going through this has lead to my first OB in 188 days and as usual, a mild one.

 

At first I thought I'd like to meet someone H-, but now, I think it would be easier just to meet someone in the same boat. I think it is better to stay within our group when searching for a partner as we all have an understanding and acceptance of the situation. This eliminates much of the stress leading up to you breaking the news and your partner's reaction.

 

 

 

[willow]

I think it depends on your connectng wth the partner in question.

maybe u really like an h- person... and maybe the h+ person u meet has nothing in commen with you except for herpes.. in which case .. why bother?

[WCSDancer2010]

@FF1

 

The stress of having "the talk" and then supporting a potential partner through the shock of your news is terribly difficult.

 

Well, you are now assuming that ALL disclosures would be this "difficult" based on ONE experience. Now, if you read the Success Stories on here (all 101!!) the vast majority are not nearly as traumatic/difficult as yours! I'm going to link to a few that we've had here so you can see for yourself that not everyone reacts as your GF is ... and I would guess that a lot of the problem is that she got very inaccurate info right at the beginning. As I already suggested, I'd take her to Planned Parenthood to have them put her fears to rest and get her accurate info...and in the meantime, give her the handouts and show her the video 😉

 

At first I thought I'd like to meet someone H-, but now, I think it would be easier just to meet someone in the same boat. I think it is better to stay within our group when searching for a partner as we all have an understanding and acceptance of the situation. This eliminates much of the stress leading up to you breaking the news and your partner's reaction.

 

Well, that's ok if you want to have a much smaller pool of people to select from. Yes, H is very common, but the percentage of people on the Herpes dating sites is only about 5% of the total online dating population at best ... so unless you live in a huge city like NYC, you may be a loooong time before you find someone that is compatible AND H+. I know where I live, if I lived with that belief, I likely would die single .. in 12 yrs of dating online (with about 5 yrs in relationships) I have only dated 3 H+ guys in spite of being on herpes dating sites almost the whole time. 😕

 

There are MANY who will hardly bat an eye at disclosure. I'm totally out on my profiles and I have H- guys coming to me saying they have questions (usually just about practicality, etc) but most don't seem to really be too worried about my status ... now if I could just find one that *I* like ... and that has enough compatibility! LOL

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3983/successful-disclosure-male-to-female xrcb male to female

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3453/proper-vocabulary-i-have-herpes-vs-im-a-carrier-of-hsv blueeyes

[FF1]

 

@Dancer.

 

I will admit; this is the first time I have disclosed to a potential partner and received this sort of reaction.

 

My previous relationship partners simply shrugged their shoulders and trusted that I would do everything I could to protect them.

 

So yes, I agree with your point of view.

[FF1]

 

Also... NYC is a big place... there must be someone else here that will be accepting of my status.

 

I don't know that I am going to pursue the relationship with this woman. Before the talk, she impressed me as someone who isn't very well grounded, emotionally speaking.

 

My biggest concern if I end it with her; she will be devastated that she was rejected by someone with H.

[WCSDancer2010]

My biggest concern if I end it with her; she will be devastated that she was rejected by someone with H.

 

REALLY? You need to look after yourself here. If her behavior is sending you bad energy and you are seeing something in her that is not what you want in a relationship, just do what you would do if this was over some other "flaw" in you that you don't have control over... this has nothing (in your case) to do with H ....

 

In my case, I just ended something with a guy who just kept proving that he cannot communicate in a way that works for me. His behavior was something I just don't want to live with. If this is something that you are seeing in her, then you need to consider whether that is something you want to live with and then act accordingly .... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[WCSDancer2010]

BTW, I live just 2 hrs north of NYC ... Hudson Valley girl here ;)

[FF1]

 

I take pride in breaking speed records; 2 hours for you may be an hour for me. LOL

[FF1]

 

Yes... there is a lot going on there and I know what I have to do. While I am open to discussing it, that subject isn't what this board is about.

 

I can't help but be concerned about her, but I won't let it get in the way of doing what I need to do for me.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@FF1

 

You seem to be approaching that from the right place ... I hope you can find the right resolution for you both :)

 

and yea, you might make it in under 2 hrs, but the cops might have other ideas about that on the Thruway...LOL ;)