first herpes outbreak and having an awful time/questions

[kbob713]

im a female in college and i found out i got it in the spring time. i had been sleeping with the same guy for 8 months (kinda casually but also friends) and then one day i just started to itch very badly and it was really painful to go #2. I scheduled a dr apt and by that time i had one sore. I told the guy because it was obvious he gave it to me (i wasnt mad because my dr said he could have had it a while with no symptoms but girls tend to have symptoms 5-7 days after contracting it) but he told me later that week that he got tested and was fine (uh BS). it was so frustrating because he obviously was lying to me and i just felt so vulnerable having him know that about me. but he kept sleeping with me like he didnt care (sometimes unprotected which i know is stupid but i would say something and it didnt matter to me and i thought to myself well he obviously has it so oh well). I continued to sleep with him because to me, i saw it has he was the only guy i COULD sleep with...it was (still is) really hard for me to accept. I can barely even say the h word outloud. I feel like my life is over. In college these days it seems like no relationship starts without having sex....like its unavoidable. but my biggest fear is it getting out to people. Im dont want to open up and tell someone that i have it and them reject me and tell everyone. so i just hide with this jerk guy and let him treat me poorly because other than that ive lost all sex drive and dont even care to meet new guys really.

 

Also..they always say your first ob is the worst. I assumed when i found out that would be considered my "first ob". And theres been plenty of times since then that ive felt the tingling or had a sore pop up once or twice (always in the same spot and never really bothers me). But last week i had this huge ob and they are all over my panty line and they are everyyywhere and more and more keep coming. They dont itch and it doesnt bother me to use the restroom but my underwear rubs them and it hurts so bad to walk. Its also very upsetting because some are so far from my actual V or panty line that even when i wear swim suit bottoms you can see them..so ive had to make up excuses to avoid anywhere requiring a swimsuit :(

I told my doctor and she told me to come in so she can make sure its not a bacteria or getting worse? any thoughts? im just having an extra bad time now because before this I thought "oh this isnt too bad, i can deal with this" and now its blown up so much...I even take the meds every single day. and I just got the Lysine vitamins the other day to help. Any suggestions to put on the actual sores? and how long can i expect this to last?

Any college students in the same atmostphere i am in as far as partying/dating/etc that has any tips? I know sex shouldnt be so immediately important when first getting to know someone but unfortunately in my generation it is :/

 

ps sorry this is so poorly written. This is the first time ive done anything like this or opened up really at all.

[seeker]

first off young lady, breathe. it will be ok. there are other people on here who are in college or in your age bracket. secondly our forum mom will be here with her links for you. being a guy my OBs are a bit different and ive only had a few bumps always inside my bathing suit area, which covers ( fortunately for every one else) far more than yours does. why not wear one of those suits that have the little flap thing? remember im an older male so fashion terms are like greek to me.

 

please do not take this too harshly but, your self worth is not linked to sleeping with some sweaty dumbass with his hat on sideways. sex is a great thing but it should be waited for, especially at your age. nothing wrong with being in a relationship first and for a bit before getting intimate. sex with someone you care for, in a monogamous relationship is exponentially better than casual sex ;)

 

now then, im not sure if you would want a hug from an old dude but, big dad like bear hug, this does not define you, you are valuable and deserve better than this jerk guy. deal with this virus first, get yourself in a better frame of mind. worry about your education. someone WILL love you and want to be with you! this could be a defining moment, herpes can help you weed out the bad ones much easier.

[WCSDancer2010]

@kbob713

 

As @seeker said ... BREATHE! you will be fine. And don't worry about your writing ... you are not being graded here :)

 

So, to help you to get a little perspective on this: I got H at 17 (and we jumped into sex quickly in relationships then too ... and even now, many people in my age bracket have sex within 1-5 dates before they know a person ;) ) .... I'm an old fart now at 53 and I've had a GREAT life and Herpes has not been more than a blip on my radar most of the time.

 

And seeker is right about staying with this guy...just because you have Herpes is NO REASON to stay with an ASSHOLE. Period. In fact, staying with him *may* be why you are having an even bigger OB ... because it's easy to continue to get H in other places for the first 4-6 months after you get H because your body is still building the antibodies to it... odds are he is shedding/having OB's and you got reinfected because your body still hasn't built resistance to the virus enough to stop it from entering in a new area. Herpes lives in the nerves in the area of the initial entryway to the body (ie, it doesn't spread via blood). Sounds like it's time to cut things off with him and start looking after YOU.

 

The stress of the situation and school probably isn't helping either. Herpes LOVES stress and is a good barometer of your general stress/health levels.... sorta like a "First Resonder" to your general well-being, especially once your body learns to control it.

 

These links may help you to soothe the OB's somewhat and you should ask the Dr about suppressive therapy to see if it helps you to get it under control a little faster.

 

Treatments/medications

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

 

he told me later that week that he got tested and was fine

 

Well, while it sounds like he is BSing simply because he continued to sleep with you, it's ENTIRELY possible he went for STD testing and they didn't test for herpes unless he SPECIFICALLY asked for it. Just a FYI for future knowledge (esp if you are talking to friends about STD's ... because the Herpes test is not included a large majority of the time and most people don't know it and assume they are also H- because of it)

 

Im dont want to open up and tell someone that i have it and them reject me and tell everyone. so i just hide with this jerk guy and let him treat me poorly

 

Again, PLEASE don't devalue yourself because you have Herpes. We have TONS of amazing success stories on here of people who are H+ disclosing to H- partners. So please check out the Success Story section on here so you can see how many people are meeting AMAZING H- partners .... when you do, you will see that the "Herpes Opportunity" is that you will find you will start to meet and date BETTER guys ... because H is a great Wingman (see link ... and nooo, I'm not smoking anything over here ;) ) ... it helps you to slow things down and get to KNOW the person better before going to the vulnerable place of disclosure. Yes, casual sex will not be *as easy* but we DO have folks on here who have had success there too, and even then they tend to find partners who are healthier and more compassionate even with the absence of any expectation of commitment.

 

As for rejection - yes, that's a hot topic on here... AND ... it is a normal response AND you can learn to see it through a filter that helps you to realize that rejection isn't about YOU and who YOU are, it's another persons right to choose to see Herpes as just another "deal breaker".

 

So - seeing as you are a student, lets try this on. I want you to read/watch the following links (YEAH! Homework! LOL) and then come back and tell me what you would say to a friend if they came to you and told you they had Herpes once you have "researched" this information. Pretend it's not you ... but someone you care for. How would you support them? What would you think of them for having opened up to you? I'm curious to know what you would say to them ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book: (General facts and statistics)

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3296/this-is-water-this-is-water- Choice

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/

 

Herpes facts video

[willow]

Good morning! Welcome to the forum! 

 

First i really want to let u know, that u dont need to be with this guy if your not that into him. I know sex, being casual or not seems huge right now, but its really not. Nowadays everyone seems to be ok with jumping in the sack before they even know the person, which usually leads to a frustrating situation like stds. Just. Know that u dont need to be with him! And hes nit your only option..

 

Best tip i can give u considering the panty line, go comando! U may not feel comfortable with this idea at first, but it helps so much! 

Also, if u are able to take a bath, it will help too! Add some epsom salt and relax ! 

(If u own a hair drying, it works the best for drying your lady parts)

 

As for a check up with the doc, why not!? The more u know about u the better. But i do need to add, herpes, is just herpes, you cant get more of it, so the only time an o.b. would "get worse" is if an o.b. got infected.

 

As for swimming, couldnt u wear maybe some cute swim shorts to help hide the bump or teo that do show!?

 

You can also get a lydocaine jelly 2% over the counter at a pharmacy, its a nerve numbing agent. It helped me when i was in my itchy and pain stage of an o.b.

 

Remember, sex doesnt have to be the focus of your relationship, wether ur in college or not! The next person that u think u would like to be with, has to earn your trust and has to earn the right to know this about u