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Freaking out ... Didn't know I have herpes, might have infected GF

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I just found out I have herpes, I haven't cheated on my GF and i'm sick about it. I never even knew I was carrying it and now i'm afraid I might have infected her. We had trust issues early in our relationship as she was coming out of a relationship with an abusive mentally and physically abusive husband. I gave up everything because I wanted to make this work, now I'm afraid she wont believe me that I didn't cheat. I'm feeling so hopeless and alone..... :(

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calm down brother. how do you know you have H? and which type. im assuming H2 and down below or you wouldn't be freaking out. if you have a test and its blood, you wont show antibodies till a minimum of 4 months. so you have a latency period where you couldn't have known. also people can have H for years or even decades and not know. when dancer comes on with her holster of links she can give you a story of a woman who was married for 20+ years who never knew. I have had it for what I think is a year but only got tested about 1 1/2 months ago. my first outbreak I AND the doctor thought was mono and those bumps a bacterial infection and guess what, the bumps disappeared within a couple days of taking antibiotics!! so he must have been right, correct?? I went on thinking all was well till a bump formed later and I started wondering. had that bump not formed I may today not know and be in a relationship ( ok the relationship is a bit far fetched but you get my point) and potentially and unknowingly transmitting it.


I cant say its going to be ok, she already came from a bad place and those issues may resurface. be prepared for her hurt and anger and try to get her to get tested and to learn about this virus and its disjointed, discombobulated, non conformist way of life. its survival strategy is to be tricky, hence hiding, random outbreaks, etc.


you know, she may not have even got it from you, however, you now have a responsibility to tell her and for her to get tested. be honest and real and vulnerable. tell her how you really feel about her and the situation. I hope this helps.

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Hello and Welcome!


As @seeker said, you can go YEARS without an ob - 80% of the people with Herpes don't know they have it.... most find out either like you did or because someone in their past contacted them and asked them if they had been tested. It's incredibly common ... 15-20% of the population has genital herpes.


I suggest very strongly that you ask her to come with you to your Dr's (assuming you trust him to have accurate info) and have the Dr explain the asymptomatic shedding and the fact that 80% of carriers don't know they have it.... and that it's not surprising that you didn't have a clue. Having the professional tell her will hopefully help her to see that this is just something that you didn't know that you had not been tested for thanks to the CDC's policies.


And I'd print out the handouts/ebook here and show her the video below. Hopefully with all that she will understand the situation better.




Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Herpes facts video
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