Emotional Rollercoaster

[YogaJ12]

So, I just found out I have herpes. It was September 5th, where I felt something weird on my inner groin near my vagina. I ran to the bathroom to see what it was with a mirror. As soon as I saw I panicked. I knew it was herpes. Mind you I had just found out 2 weeks ago that my 19 year old cousin was diagnosed with herpes. I was talking to my parents and boyfriend about it like wow thats so sad shes so young, I feel so bad for her. And then BOOM I had it. Well lets back track a bit. About a week prior to the 5th I thought I had pulled something in my left leg in yoga, hence the name I am a yoga teacher and I have injured my left leg in the past. I had this tingling sensation in my left leg that moved to my butt and then my vaginal region, burning (thought it was chafing) and I kept asking my boyfriend is there something on my butt. It was a big annoyance but not what I would call painful. Plus my period was coming on. Once I got my period I just thought it was a bad period with sciatic nerve pain. Fast forward discovering the 4 clustered bumps on my groin I threw a fit. Running back and forth in the hall crying and falling to the floor screaming why me why me? I knew I had to go to an urgent care to get tested. I called my boyfriend and he immediately came over asking what was going on, I showed him the bumps and he said it looked like "dry skin". It wasnt painful to touch which was strange but I was like it has to be herpes. Well once we get to the urgent care and see the doctor , the doctor stated well you would know if you have herpes, its extremely painful and she was poking at the bumps and it didnt really phase me no pain.

 

She then took a culture and then tested me for every other STD and stated it would be about a week or so. She said theres a chance its not herpes but prescribed meds anyway. Well I was broke and I skipped out on the meds and went home, where my boyfriend was saying how I was being overly dramatic and how it's not herpes. I actually started believing him also apologizing for being dramatic. (We even had sex a few days later stupid of us but it didnt hurt at all) However, I didnt sleep that night just thinking and waiting on my results. Well that sunday I got a call about HIV results it was negative but the nurse said the others would take a little longer to get back. Well I tried thinking about positive things like the fact my 26th Birthday was coming up on the 12th but it didnt last. I became impatient and decided to call the nurse on wednesday to find out if any of my other tests had come back. She read through them so fast like , " HIV NO, chlamydia and gonorrhea NO, Herpes YES. I was like what? YES? She said yea are u taking your meds. I was like no the bumps are going away I am not in pain what do you mean YES.? And she said well the test came back positive for herpes. I freaked. I left work early flying to the nearest ER to get re-tested I wanted a second opinion, they wouldnt retest me because they all have access to the results. I was devastated. I thought about crashing my car in a tree on the drive home. I eventually

Decided to take the prescribed meds of Valtrex for 10 days along with some other vitamins I saw were good for herpes.

 

I was a hot mess. I didn't know what to think, I wanted to place blame. Why did my boyfriend give me herpes and it just got worse from there. Emotionally I was up and down, parents were making it worse saying that my boyfriend is gay, he gave me herpes, and hes putting me at risk for HIV. I couldnt believe what they were saying and we had the biggest argument. I had to realize they are reacting out of fear and concern but still it was driving me nuts. Since then I have taken time away from them trying to get back intouch with myself, keep telling myself to forgive, and that I am not damaged goods but I feel that way. As for the boyfriend, I feel like he has been acting strange becoming distant, he wouldnt answer my calls or texts after we argued, it was just a strange time\. I told him he needed to get tested and that the doctor mentioned I tested positive for it being a new case of herpes so there is a high chance you have herpes and didnt know it as he did not show any symptoms. What is scary is that most STD screenings does not test for herpes. And guess what the clinic where he goes to get tested does not test for that, so he thought he was clean. For an update, I have taken a break from my parents and boyfriend because I was on edge with them and they have no idea what I am going through emotionally.

 

My boyfriend is texting me that he misses me and loves me but I just don't want to be bothered. I am a wreck. I have OK DAYs then bad days. And to make matters worse I AM SUPER PARANOID! I Look at my vagina with a mirror several times day and I STILL HAVE PREDROME SYMPTOMS BUT NO VISIBLE BUMPS. I have tingling throughout the day in my left leg and butt. I AM SCARED THAT I AM GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER OUTBREAK. I am also about to get my period and see that it can be a trigger. Right now my butt kinda hurts and last night I saw some redness but no bumps. I have been taking 3000mg of LYSINE, 1000 mg of VITAMIN C, and 50 mg of Zinc praying to never have a outbreak again. I am into natural healing so I really don't want to try surpressive therapy just yet. I just feel like I have no control over this. The doctor stated that since my first outbreak was mild thats a good sign for future ones. Also I was diagnosed with HPV About 5 years and had genital warts for a few months and they never ever came back. I am hoping that my immune system will do the same for the herpes. I just needed to vent and share my story with people who understand what I am going through.

 

Peace, Love and Light, Namaste

[Moody87]

You are not alone. I was also just diagnosed very recently. I am trying to learn more about the virus so I can keep it away as long as possible. It is the most painful experience I have had in my life thus far. *hugs* to you!

[SidneySmith]

http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Planet-Marine-Algae-VegCaps/dp/B000W8HRWY/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1411800574&sr=1-1&keywords=red+algae

 

"Whatever natural remedy works for you use it!"

 

Those were the exact words of a doctor at a well-known clinic in Oregon. Do a little research on Red Algae. I use it and haven't had one outbreak since being diagnosed.

[whitedaisies]

I really don't understand why people are so anti antivirals.

 

Meds are good sometimes. Why do you want to suffer? You are obviously going through emotional turmoil right now. Why not be kind to yourself take the Meds see if they work and give your physical body a break so you can fcatch up emotionally.

 

Hugs.

 

 

[whitedaisies]

You can always go off them. It's not for life. Just my opinion. U can take it or leave it

[YogaJ12]

I did actually take the valtrex for 10 days once I was officially diagnosed with herpes. I just didn't want to do the suppressive therapy and stay on them @whitedaisies

[whitedaisies]

Ok. I hear ya. Forgive me I am not at my best lately but I do think suppressive therapy is an option while your body gets used to the virus. Just my opinion.

 

I wish you well and hope whatever method you choose to manage outbreaks that it helps you.

 

Xo

[seeker]

@sidneysmith im confused my friend. you made an entire thread lambasting this site and those on it for giving you a "diagnosis" yet are now shilling for a supplement?

[seeker]

now then on to the whole supplement thing. I take a good mens vitamin, omega red and lysine daily. I have no clue as to how or if this helps nor if its help isn't a placebo effect. I have noticed something since starting the omega red about a week ago but not related to herpes more a general feeling thing. If you find something that you believes helps and all indications to you are it does, then go for it. provided it doesn't have any bad side affects.

 

I don't wait for a cure but ive no doubt that there is an herb somewhere on this planet to cure every disease, its finding it, especially with deforestation and global climate change jacking up ecosystems.

 

supplement and such would be a tough thing to prove where herpes is concerned given the random nature of OBs. first tests would be on cell cultures then on infected mice, then monkeys then humans. what affects a culture may do nothing to an infected mouse. ie peroxide kills it on contact, im not filling my veins with it though.

 

as long as the supplement does no harm it doesn't hurt to try it. I will say this though, herbal stuff is suppose to be like pharma meds, taken when needed not as an ongoing thing. I like goldenseal and Echinacea but I know its not good to take more than 7 days, but dang it seems to blow up a flu.

[WCSDancer2010]

@YogaJ12

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First - BREATHE!!! You will be ok. I've had H for 35 yrs (50 if you include HSV1 orally) and my life has been just fine!

 

So - can you tell us how you were diagnosed and what the results (ie, the numbers that they gave the positive result from) are, and which test they did (IGG or IGM). I'm asking because Urgent Care doctors are notoriously ill educated about Herpes and this one proves it in this statement:

 

the doctor stated well you would know if you have herpes, its extremely painful

 

Yes - sometimes H is very painful, especially if the OB is near things like the Urethra or anywhere that things get rubbed. But 80% of those with Herpes don't know they have it. some are having OB's like yours and just shrug them off as heat rash (that's what I did until my ex-hubby had a nasty OB ... his were far worse than mine). Some NEVER HAVE ANY SYMPTOMS ... so it's entirely possible to have Herpes and not know it.....

 

And you are right about your BF - he was going on the assumption that the clinic he goes to tested him for "everything" and sadly most don't test for H but ALLOW the patients to believe that H is included by just not telling them. So it's entirely possible that he didn't know. You say he became distant/etc. Remember, HE is likely just as freaked out as you are AND he has the guilt that he likely gave it to you on top of that. Men don't do well then they feel they have unwittingly hurt someone they love. They don't know how to handle it. It's the relationship equivalent of losing his Man Card. He's supposed to be the protector and he "failed" (even though he was not to know, any more than you did, that they don't test for H in STD screenings). So while he may not know what YOU are going through emotionally, I don't think you understand what HE is going through emotionally either ;)

 

As for your parents - I'm sorry - they are just plain ignorant about the truth of STD's .... for now you are probably best to avoid talking about it with them until you are in a stronger place and can *try* to educate them (they may or may not ever "get" it :( )

 

the doctor mentioned I tested positive for it being a new case of herpes

 

So I assume they did the IGM test? That tests for recent exposure and is actually NOT recommended by any of the well-known doctors/clinics who specialize in Herpes (AKA, Clinic Dr being clueless again :( ). Did they do an IGG at the same time? Hopefully that one will be typed (HSV 1 or 2) .... you see, it's ENTIRELY possible you have HSV1 down there and that your BF had cold sores and didn't know that he could pass that on to you through oral sex too.... so knowing which one you have will help you to understand what happened better AND what you need to do in future for yourself AND any future partners (BF or otherwise).

 

As for the HPV - the CDC says that anyone who is at all sexually active is likely to get at LEAST one strain of HPV during their lifetime .... and the genital warts are mostly harmless and do go away over time and usually just lie dormant from then on. You need to make sure you get tested through a cervical swab for HPV when you get your Pap smear done (they are two separate tests) as the Pap doesn't pick everything up and as with Herpes, not all Dr's do both :(

 

Check these links out - they will help you to understand Herpes better, which will hopefully help you to calm down and get back to your center.

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

Herpes facts video

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Regarding the Duplicate Posts ..

 

When you send a new discussion, just hit the send button ONCE ... there's a glitch that may make it look like it's not going through, but it likely has and if you hit the button again it will send it again. If you are unsure, just copy the text and then click on Discussions in the bar at the top ans see if it went through ;)

[YogaJ12]

Thank you so much for your response @inka ! I know it may or may not sound weird but I believe I will be living life much more stress-free and with a positive attitude once I get over the initial diagnosis depressive stage. I am going to take this diagnosis and really live out my dreams and continue teaching yoga, travel and get out the financial industry where it is totally stressful! Letting all the bullshit In my life go and not taking things so seriously or personally. Thanks again!

[YogaJ12]

@wcsdancer2010 Thanks so much for your response. As for the testing, I know the doctor did do culture testing and blood work. I did follow up with a primary doctor who then told me that they did a test for antibodies (were positive), and blood work to see if it is a new occurrence(positive also). They did give me a paper showing me the culture came back Herpes Simplex Virus II Isolated. As far as the HPV I went to primary OB/GYN and he diagnosed me with the General Warts and I did my annual then also. I also freezed the warts off for the months I had it,which was more painful than the herpes. I guess I am lucky that my outbreak wasn't painful, to be honest the predrome symptoms were the worst part, a big annoyance. As for the parents we have created some distance, they are very invasive when it comes to my life and relationships. They judge harshly with any guy I date, so i had to stand up and finally say I've had enough I am grown please let me live my life. As for the boyfriend, I figured that was his way of handling everything including my invasive family and their comments about him being Bi-sexual and gay when hes not , (hes just different and a introvert) while also being unaware that he might of given me herpes. I am taking it day by day and realizing that it's not the end of the world but just an annoyance. I have been with my boyfriend since January and he's a sweet guy and we have both decided to work through it.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well then it sounds like you are working towards a good place. Use your Yoga practice to help you keep coming back to center...... it's a gift that many (most actually) don't have in their life to help them .... but it will help you to work through this a whole lot faster than many will.

 

Just remember to be patient with yourself, and your BF (and even your parents...they are invasive because they LOVE you ;) ).

 

(((HUGS)))

[YogaJ12]

Thank you again, You are a gift to the herpes community! Continue to pass on your healing light. I am definitely using my yoga practice as a way to cope and it helps tremendously. @wcsdancer2010

 

Namaste

[YogaJ12]

@moody87 Education is key! Also letting go of all the stigmas that we ourselves have created before, during, and after our diagnosis. Becoming comfortable in our bodies again, realizing we are still the same person but with now a more open compassionate heart. It will make us better beings in the long run and more educated about viruses and diseases. Life is short so we have to make it memorable and enjoyable. Surrounding ourselves with people who encourage us and inspires us. Educating the masses is what needs to be a focus. Hope you are healing! Remember you are perfect the way you are! Using Mantras everyday helps me! Ex: I choose forgiveness, I am light, I am eternal. Blessings!

[YogaJ12]

@wcsdancer2010 thanks for the YouTube video I actually sent it to my mother for her and my dad to watch and she stated it was very imformative. She has herpes simplex 1 of cold sores. Now she's more educated that she could actually pass it to my father. Definitely don't want to know about their sex lives though. Yuck

[willow]

Hey i can only hope that im still having sex when im my parents age! Haha

[WCSDancer2010]

Bahahahahahahaaaa!!! I hear ya - my 86 yr old father likes to let me know that he want's to find another woman some day because he has "needs" - when I know full well that between his congestive heart failure and the meds he's on, it's highly unlikely that things are functioning there.... but if he IS capable, I don't want the details.... :-O

[YogaJ12]

Oh and by the way it's official I'm having another outbreak. I felt a pain on my left inner leg and boom there are a few small bumps and extremely small sores. I will be calling the doc Monday to get more meds then continuing with suppressive therapy. I tried the vitamins didn't quite make the cut. :( not in any excruciating pain as of yet. Hoping it's mild. Blah

[WCSDancer2010]

Read up on the following .... the tips and tricks in my blog are tired and true that numerous members have tried ... you will have to find what works for you but the faster you attack it, the faster it will clear up :)

 

Treatments/medications

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

[YogaJ12]

Thank you!

[Sil88]

@YogaJ12 , same story as you (minus vagina, plus flu-like symptoms). Went through similar panic and stupid passing thoughts.

 

Anyway I'm 6 weeks ahead of you, and things don't seem so bad. Keep up the yoga and see the whole thing as motivation to boost your immune system. I've been getting 10 of my 5-a-day lately!