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So many questions...

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Hello everyone,


My name is Shy. Today I found that I have HSV-2 (Genital Herpes). I had an outbreak before and it healed up very fast. So fast that the student health center couldn't get a culture on it to confirm HSV2. Well last week I had another outbreak and this time it was fresh enough to send to the lab.


I have gone through a lot of emotions since Friday, the doctor knew what it was before she sent it to the lab. At first I beat myself up, I really thought life was over and that no one would want me (I still think that). I know overtime my feelings will pass. At the end of the day I still have life and that is good enough to look forward to.


My questions don't concern a cure. I'm 25 years old and I would assume at some point in my life time (with advancements in technology) that a cure or a stronger vaccination will be created. Until then I have been prescribed valacyclovir (500 M). I was told to take two a day for a three day period to see if my sores would heal up.


Unfortunately that have not, not sure how this stuff works! Lol She gave me six extra to keep on hand for when I broke out again. Should I go ahead and take the other six?


My sores don't hurt that much except when they rub up against my boxers. I've been cleaning them with dove sensitive body wash and warm water when I take my morning showers. Any advice on how to clean them?


How can I manage outbreaks? I've read that stress is the #1 cause of outbreaks and right now I'm under a lot of stress between school & work. Are there any remedies to help sores heal faster outside of antiviral drugs?


As far as dating is concerned I think I'm going to remain off the market for a while. I'm was already afraid of rejection as it was. Now I have to add "that talk" into the mix. I've read that dating sites for HSV+ singles aren't that great. I'm better off trying it in the real world and just having a mature adult conversation. Any tips on how I can get over this insecurity?


I think that does it. I'm sure I'll have more questions as time goes on. I would just like my sores to heal up so I can work on improving my penile skin and maybe it will take a level of stress off once they are gone. Any advice is greatly appreciated!


Take Care,



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hey travis, I nuke myself with a spray bottle containing peroxide, warning, its kinda cold so expect some turtling. I use tea tree oil on sores and that seems to help and dancer will come on with her holster of links including some alum stuff that dries em up quick. they need to be kept dry to heal faster. mine can stick around for a few days so im not sure if the meds help clear them up as much as maybe stop new ones or speed up the healing process. ive got the meds but have only taken them during what I thought was an OB. ive been dealing with a real OB and decided to go ahead this time cause im a bit over it.

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Dont take the other 6 meds!

What you can do.. is take the meds when u feel it comming on, it may be a tingle an itch a bit of soreness. And what the meds do is just to help it stay in the nerve rather than totally surgacing. So if u take the meds while uvhave an o.b. it mihht onlu help the severity, gotta let nature take its course..

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So now that I'm rested and awake... Hello and Welcome!


First - you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you have the right attitude. You have asked all the right questions and I'm glad that you realize that you will just have to move through this in time. If you need to not date for awhile, that isn't a bad thing ... use this time to date yourself and learn to love YOU. ;)


Just a little about me: I got H at 17 with my first sexual experience ... I'm 53 now and H has had very little impact on my life overall. Yeah, it's been a pain-in-the-vajayjay at times and yes, a few men have walked away when I disclosed, but all in all I've had a great life and had several great H- men in my life ;)


So - on to your questions:


You believe at the moment that noone will want you now. That is a very normal reaction to the diagnosis (I think it should be included in the CDC's list of Side Effects of Herpes :P ). We have a slew of Success Stories on here that can prove that H+ date H- people ALL THE TIME. I tell people that H is a great Wingman. It helps you to slow down and get to know the PERSON first, and that can save you a lot of grief in the long run ;)




http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )


Regarding your OB and the Valcyclovir - if you are uncomfortable enough that it's hard to go about your daily activities because of the OB, take another day or two of the dose and call the clinic in the meantime to see if you can get more for back-up and let them know that you are still having break-through OB's. They may suggest you stay on it until it settles down a bit ... then I would WEAN off it and see how you are doing.


And yes, stress will exacerbate things. Think of Herpes as a First Responder to tell you that you need to take care of yourself ... that you need to work on your diet, general health, or stress levels. (I know that can be hard as a student but it may mean less partying when exams are on or just trying to learn to believe that if you do what you need to do that you will get the grades/results that you want and not over-stress about what is not in your control).


How to get over the insecurity? Well, you are on the right track about having Mature, Adult conversations ... it's something we need to have a LOT more of in life in general, so think of H as a place to learn very quickly if the person you are interested in is capable of doing that. Because those who can't won't make a good life partner. While you are taking time off, get educated as much as you can about Herpes so that when you tell someone of your status, you will be able to confidently answer their questions.


This is what I tell people about disclosure (when the time comes)


Let them know you have something personal to share, and that you are doing so because you have got to a point where you feel you can entrust them with this information.


Also let them know that you want to start with honesty and openness, and that you need to share this with them because you care for them and this is something that has the potential to affect them, and that you need to discuss it now because you feel the relationship is moving towards sexual intimacy and you want to put this on the table before that happens.


Be confident in yourself and your knowledge of the facts... or at least have the handouts with you so you can refer to them and give them to your partner to take home and use for reference.


Make sure to direct them to places like this site, my blog, the CDC's site, Westover Heights and other trusted, RELIABLE sources ... direct them AWAY from Google images and the Yahoo groups where all the Debbie Downers hang out.


Give them permission after to take as much time to research and consider their response.


Whatever happens, don't take anything they say or do personally if it's negative. Odds are, it's their ignorance (because we all know that the education about H is pretty pathetic) or their fear of something marring them in some way (very possible if they are OCD/hypochondriac/anxious).


You can also point out that the risk of getting H from someone who KNOWS they have Herpes is far less than most of the population because 80% of people with H don't know they have it ...and that the vast majority of cases are from asymptomatic carriers or people who have been led to believe that they can't pass it on without an OB and thus don't need to tell a partner as long as they don't engage in sex during an OB.


Make sure that you don't wait till the clothes are off to tell someone either (and it happens all too often!) because that is how poor decisions are made then the person has regrets AND is scared silly ... rather than making a well thought out choice to be with you.


Approach it with confidence and a trust that it will work out as it is meant to..... because that really is all you can do anyway


Also download the e-book on disclosure and the handouts. Great place to start with getting your mind wrapped around how the talk can actually bring you closer instead of driving them away.


I think you will be fine in time. Be patient with yourself. Take your time learning how to live with H. Come on here as much as you need to for help and support.




Handouts and disclosure info



Herpes facts video:


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