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Hey dimples! Good to have you on the forums. Welcome. I wonder what you think the differences between having the herpes talk with your ex versus having the herpes talk with someone new? It seems to be the same thing to me, if not easier since you already have intimacy and closeness with this guy. What are your thoughts?

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This same exact thing happened to me. My ex and I slept together after I had been diagnosed with a UTI (I know. Stupid.) But after we hooked up my symptoms progressed into a primary outbreak and I was diagnosed. I was upfront with him and he took care of me through what I can only explain as the worst week of my life... He later tested positive for herpes, too. Be upfront with him. If you guys really love each other, you take the good with the "bad". Good luck!

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Hi Dimples :-) Welcome :-)! Isn't it funny how things work out...just when you think something is over it isn't! Well if he really loves you he will accept this part of you...it could as easily have been him having to tell you. I've had to tell an ex that I got if from him (he had it and I knew but it was several months after we broke up that I had my first episode)...then told a new guy I was dating and I ended it over H (I was just diagnosed and was all too much even though he was awesome about it), a man I totally fell for and turned out he had it too....

 

What I am trying to say is...telling each one of them was the same, didn't matter about the circumstance. And all of them were supportive and I am still friends with each of them. You two have been together for 4 years and he wants to work it out too...well H will determine how badly he wants to be with you and if he doesn't over this then it wouldn't work out in the long run anyway. It would pay for him to be tested too, he may have it and not know.

 

Take a deep breath and be brave...you obviously have a deep connection and this is just another test to see how strong it is. I'm sending you lots of good energy :-).

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Got it. Is it that it would sting more since a rejection by someone who has already had deep feelings for you might feel like a deeper part of you is being rejected? Lets play worst case scenario out: What if he does reject you? What will you have that mean about you?

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Biggest tip I can give for now: don't get over your anxiety! It will always be there! It's impossible to get rid of and there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, your anxiety is showing you and him that you actually care, how important this is to you. The more you try to squelch it, the more it will come out in different ways. The best way to practice this is with someone else role playing the disclosure. Either with an h buddy or a friend or me. We can have a coaching session (or a few) via Skype together to polish up your skills if you're interested. I can send you my rates and we can go from there. :)

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm going threw the same thing right now. Its weird ialwsys thought my ex wouldn't take me back cuz icontracted it from my new partner. After me and my ex started talking again Ijust finally got the courage to tell him. Itold him ihad to tell him something and it may change how yourself about me and Icame out with it. He didn't judge me at all. He said he loved me and all of me and it doesn't matter to him if ihave it he loves me unconditionally

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