Too scared...

kerm101 · October 5, 2014

Okay so I caught herpes from my ex boyfriend, I have known for a few months now. I was with that boyfriend for a while but it wasn't a healthy relationship so eventually we broke up. I was miserable because I felt stuck with him.. and I felt that since I had this STD that all i would be good for was sex, so I just hooked up with a few different guys even though that wasn't really what i was usually into. Anyways, I stopped doing that and then let myself heal from the break up. Once i completely got over my ex I found this AMAZING guy. He is literally perfect and he really likes me and I really like him. We haven't been talking for too long now and haven't even kissed yet but it is starting to get to that point, and I really want to disclose to him sooner rather than later before I get too attached because I can tell that I am already starting to fall for him. The problem is that I am so scared of his rejection and have no idea how to tell him. Please help!

Thanks,

Kerm101

WCSDancer2010 · October 5, 2014

@Kerm101

First, Hello and Welcome.

I have to get to bed ... but I want you to know I will return in the morning to reply to this. You will be fine ... we will help you though this..... ok?

(((HUGS)))

WCSDancer2010 · October 6, 2014

@kerm101

OK - it's a new day ... ;)

So - if you have read any of my past replies you may know that I am known for my "Tough Love" approach ... so know that anything I say here is said to help you and it's said with love and lots of (((HUGS))) ;)

I felt that since I had this STD that all i would be good for was sex, so I just hooked up with a few different guys even though that wasn't really what i was usually into.

We are a judgement free zone here .... so before I say anything, I want you to know that this is not a judgement, but it's something you need to hear. These guys that you hooked up with deserve to be told your status if you can contact them unless you told them ahead of time. They need to get tested ... and it's very possible they already have H BTW ... but this is about restoring YOUR integrity, because you likely allowed yourself to buy into the belief that only "loose" people get Herpes and you acted accordingly ... but it is soooo untrue. You got it from a BF, as many people do. Yes, the number of partners you have increases your risk for ANY STD, but we have plenty here who can tell you that they got it from their first (ME!) ever sexual experience, or their first or second relationship, or the one time they got really drunk. So, first thing is to see if you can clean that up and let them know ... you are doing any future partner that they may have a favor ... and you can educate them at the same time as likely they don't know that they likely have NEVER been tested. Give them our handout info if you can (see below) and tell them we can answer their questions if they are concerned.

I really want to disclose to him sooner rather than later before I get too attached because I can tell that I am already starting to fall for him. The problem is that I am so scared of his rejection and have no idea how to tell him.

Well, there is no "right time" or "right way" to tell him.... so I'm going to give you some links below to help you to figure out what is right for YOU..... my other suggestion is to read as many of the Success Stories that you can (Link is in the categories section on the right) to get ideas about how people have approached this.

About rejection: it's a part of life, AND, our automatic response to it is exactly that ... automatic ... it's a survival mode from our past that isn't as useful to us now because it often keeps us in situations that are unhealthy for us.... or makes us run from a possible relationship to avoid getting hurt. Again, I'll add some links below to help you understand that ... I know for me, once I understood this, it made it easier for me to deal with it ;)

And finally, Herpes is a GREAT Wingman .... not going to explain it here... just read the link ;)

Keep coming here for support .... we are here for you friend .... I can tell you as a 35 yr veteran that you WILL be ok with this over time once you understand what you are dealing with and how to work with it ....

(((HUGS)))

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

Rejection info

http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3 (adrial)

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/ten-surprising-facts-about-rejection

Wingman Links

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

Disclosure links

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/