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kaylav

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Hello all! I've been reluctant to openly speak about my situation but enough time has passed and I really need to just get it out without being judged.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and 5 months ago I had experienced my first outbreak. I thought it was originally a yeast infection or just razor bumps, anything but herpes. After a few days I saw a sore and after being in AGONIZING pain, I went to the doctor where they did a culture test and eventually the news. I burst into tears and called my boyfriend to immediately let him know. I thought I had gotten it from a previous fling and lived in immense regret and disgust for 3 months with my "supportive" until he told me he's the one that passed it to me after I had to bring it up a few times. I thought it was odd how he didn't have his first outbreak as I did.

So here I am at 19 with HSV-1 and still with my boyfriend despite this obstacle..though feels as if I have him tattooed on me and will forever be marked without ever having a choice.

I told my dad and grandmother because I felt since I lived with them they had to know, they just shook their heads and said I should've been more careful which I was. I told my best friend and through a falling out she threw it in my face. Now I'm just ashamed and I feel trapped. I've felt as if I couldn't talk to anyone without them judging or even my boyfriend without him shutting down feeling guilty. I think I'm having my second outbreak too (but I'm not sure) and there isn't much information on google except for this website and I'm too busy working and going to school full-time to go to my doctor every time I have a question.

This also brings me to some questions

-How do I know if I'm going to have another outbreak?

Is the slight uncomfortable itch a symptom of a second outbreak?

-The first outbreak I didn't have sores like the one's I've seen in my classes or research of STDs more like flesh colored bumps that were super sensitive and maybe 2/3 white bumps. I checked everyday and they never looked like the pictures nor did they look as if they "crusted over", so would I be expecting this to be the case each time I have an outbreak or was I just lucky not to have full blisters and to anticipate it in the future?

-If someone drinks from the same glass or bottle would I pass it to them? Is it ONLY when I have these sensations that I'm most contagious?

 

I'm sorry if I bombarded the post with information/questions, hopefully it's not too overwhelming for a response.

 

 

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Some here will disagree with me, but I inform people of my status on a need to know basis. Unless intimacy with the person is imminent, they DO NOT need to know.

 

I can't speak for anyone else, but I get irritation and a tingling sensation on my butt, thighs and sometimes lower back when the virus is on the march. I immediately start a twice per day dose of anti virals for 7 days when this happens and then go another 7 days without intimacy before allowing myself back in the game. When the time comes and i am in a relationship, I might consider anti virals daily for supression.

 

Dancer has some good links to literature and videos which I am sure she will share when she reads this post. Sorry to throw you under the bus Dancer.

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@kaylav

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First, this is a Judgement Free zone and you can ask all the questions you need to in order to feel better about living with Herpes.

 

I've had H since I was 17 ... and I was not given the "choice" either. I'm 53 now and all in all it's just been a blip on my timeline most of the time....

 

How do I know if I'm going to have another outbreak?

 

You may or may not get symptoms beforehand ... the usual are tingling, itching, or nerve pain. .... the "good" news is you have HSV1 which for many people settles down pretty quickly in the genitals. It really prefers the mouth so it sheds a lot less down below. I assume you got it from oral sex with your BF? The itch is what is known as a "prodrome" ... not a full-on OB but it means you *could* be shedding. Outbreaks are basically shedding on steroids .....

 

The first outbreak I didn't have sores like the one's I've seen in my classes or research of STDs

 

This is why we tell people to stay off Google Images (and why I get so frustrated with "Sex Ed" classes) ... Herpes can present in MANY different ways .... not just the classic blisters.... odds are in your case because it's HSV1, it never really took off into a full blown set of blisters because it doesn't thrive there as well.

 

so would I be expecting this to be the case each time I have an outbreak or was I just lucky not to have full blisters and to anticipate it in the future?

 

Can't tell you because Herpes doesn't play by any rules. Hopefully each OB from now on will be less intense and further apart. That's how it "usually" goes, but stress (ESPECIALLY stress), diet issues, health, hormones, etc can all play into the number and intensity of OB's.

 

If someone drinks from the same glass or bottle would I pass it to them? Is it ONLY when I have these sensations that I'm most contagious?

 

Unless you have somehow figured out how to drink from your vagina, you are fine to share your drinks ;) ... You have it on your Genitals, not your mouth (as far as we know from what you have said). Herpes doesn't go through the bloodstream, it lives in the nerve ganglion in the area where you got it ;)

 

As for your "friend" - that wasn't someone you would want as a friend if she did that to you. I tell people that Herpes is a great Wingman - it will help you to sort out who the people are who are deserving to be your friend/lover/whatever.

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

Parents are often uneducated about just how common it is. You want to tell them that 80% of the population has HSV1 and 80% don't know it because they are not routinely tested for H... so your Dad and your Grandma may both have it too ... most likely orally. Ask them if they ever had a cold sore, because THAT is the version you have ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Here's some links to help you understand Herpes more

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

 

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Some here will disagree with me, but I inform people of my status on a need to know basis. Unless intimacy with the person is imminent, they DO NOT need to know.

 

Noone that I know of will disagree with you on this @FF1 ... the policy here is that if you are going to be intimate, then it IS a "need to know" situation... but noone is required to tell anyone else. HOWEVER, for many, keeping this a total secret is often MORE harmful .... as Kirsty Spraggon's Ted Talk says ... "You are only as sick as your secrets" ... and for some, having an understanding friend can make all the difference. The problem is that many people don't know WHO those people are ... who REALLY can be entrusted with the confidante .... so it definitely can be tricky to know who to talk to. I personally only surround myself with positive, compassionate people so I don't have to really worry who finds out anyway.

 

And I'm ok with that Bus .... lol ... I have all the info organized to be able to access it quickly :)

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@kaylav Oh my gosh you have been 5 months without any support! Awww Sweetie, I'm so sorry you have to be facing this when you have so much more to face at this time. And gosh, your father's reaction was not the most supportive: "You bad girl! That's what you get" ... what... for having sex? I wish no one had to get this nasty virus.

 

At the same time, I know people who have had to sacrifice their breasts to disease :(

 

What I wish for you is that you put yourself FIRST, that you love yourself first and foremost, in all your beautifulness. Between you paying close attention to your body, and your immune system building up defenses, you will get this thing under control.

 

Your boyfriend suffers the shame of HSV2. There is no more shame in carrying HSV2 as there is in carrying the chicken pox virus. The only shame is in not disclosing to partners who trust you. I know you won't do that.

 

Light and love and hugs to you Kaylav!

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